Males's odd behaviour towards my 3yo DS?

[Triggles]

When out yesterday with another mum and children (so a total of 2 mum and 3 children), we went to a secondhand furniture shop (reclaim shop). Anyway, a number of employees around, but one particular employee (male) followed me and my 3yo around a bit in the shop, even though I did state we were just looking around, not ready to make a purchase yet. At one point, while I was standing still looking at a wardrobe, with DS standing nearby, he starting chatting to DS quietly. I couldn't hear what he was saying to him, even though he was close by. Then he reached out and tickled DS twice (in the tummy area) and I heard him say "Are you a wicked little boy then?" So I said "No, he's not," and took DS's hand and walked to another part of the room, where the other mum was.

I found it all a bit puzzling. This man completely ignored the other children with us and focused solely on my DS. He didn't follow anyone else, and when my son at one point walked between myself and the other mum (right where I could see, but walked over to her briefly), he followed DS, not me. So it's not like he was looking to see if I needed assistance with a purchase. And there was absolutely nothing in the near vicinity that DS could break - it was all furniture, no little breakables.

I have turned it around in my head a number of times, but still feel his behaviour was odd. I actually did see an item of furniture that I was interested in purchasing, however, I was hesitant to speak to him and give my home address for delivery based simply on this particular man's behaviour. AIBU to avoid this shop due to this or is my imagination in overdrive? What would others here do?

I've tried to put all the pertinent information in this first post, so no AIBU by stealth or anything, if I can help it. As far as his description (as I know some will ask), he was a white male in his 20's, a bit scruffy, but then, so were all the other employees there, and I didn't get that uncomfortable feeling from ANY of the other employees, only him. (plus he was the only one that approached my son, other than a friendly hello to him when we walked in)I don't want this to degenerate into a screaming "omg every male is a pervert" thread. If he had done anything obviously out of order, I would have spoken to the management at once. However, it just seemed odd to me, so hence my question.

So...AIBU?

YANBU, based on what you have written.

Follow your instincts..

agree with mumentreplus. always listen to instinct

Maybe he reminded him of his younger brother or something.
Do you think someone with evil on his mind would be so overt though?
Having said that I wouldn't have been happy giving my address if I felt as you did.

You were right not to give your address, even if it was nothing. Maybe there was no evil intent, maybe he was just a bit off but instincts are usually right

well if you felt uncomfortable, then follow your instincts.
Personally, I think it's much more likely he was following your ds as he thought he was the child most likely to clamber on the furniture, cause havoc. He was probably trying to engage your ds, so he didn't get up to any mischief
but as I said, you were there, your instincts, follow them.

hocuspontas see, that's one of the reasons I found it puzzling, because while he spoke to DS very quietly and I couldn't hear him, I felt the rest was fairly obvious behaviour - the following, the tickling, the comment - meaning it was right there while I was nearby so could easily see it. And as I said, when he literally ignored the other children (and one of those other children was the same age as DS) and focused on DS, it didn't make it seem like he was just friendly with all children in general.

Agree totally with junglist.

Ingles2 I can see your point, but we had two boys with us, both roughly the same age, and none of the children were climbing on the furniture - we were never have allowed it anyway. They were actually standing quite patiently, as they knew we were getting them a donut after we were done in the shop . The area we were standing in was mainly wardrobes, dressers, bookcases and the like, nothing for a 3 year old to climb on, and they weren't opening cupboards or drawers or anything like that. The furniture more likely to be climbed on (sofas, chairs, and such) were across the shop from us. I can see what you mean, and if they had been acting up or we had been ignoring them and letting them run loose, I would have thought that immediately. Also, wouldn't he have sort of followed both boys?

As I said, I have puzzled this around in my head a lot.

YANBU at all! I would have been freaked out by a stranger in a store tickling my ds's stomach. I may even have asked to speak to the manager and complained about it. He was way out of line touching your child.
Asking if he was a "wicked little boy"...is downright disturbing....and very creepy!

my first thought would be that this man has a child somewhere that he isn't seeing as much as he would like, and that this child looks a little like your ds.

I know a man who looks very whistfully at my Ds1, and always talks to him, and I was a bit weirded out by it, but on further gentle probing it seems he has a son of that age and personality type, who he only sees nce every couple of months because his ex moved to Arbroath (and we are in East mids)

Do follow your insincts but also be prepared to be wrong.

That behaviour sounds very odd and yes you are right totally to be cautious. I hate this all men are paedophiles thing and a man cannot look at a child without being accused of being a paedophile, but this behaviour is . Go with your instincts.

On one hand, I want to say that it was probably perfectly innocent and he just loves being around children. However on the other I think I'd be uncomfortable with that too, especially quietly talking to your DS.

I agree with piglet too, I hate the idea of all men being peados, but this is odd.

YANBU. Yes, we all know that there are plenty of people out there who leap to ridiculous conclusions with men, but from what you have described, this particular man was behaving very oddly.

Obviously we none of us can say for sure what his motivation was, but it's always better to play it safe if you have worries. Particularly as you were able to not make a fuss about it and simply keep your child away from him without offending him if he was being perfectly innocent. (Which sounds slightly unlikely to me, but still.)

You did the right thing to follow your instincts and not give your address. Avoid !

Understand what you are saying, sometimes some-one's behaviour re your child just doesn't chime well. It doesn't mean that they are a paedophile but it's made you uncomfortable and just being very present wards off any problems.

Uh oh, I wonder if this is what mums thought of me whenever I horsed around with their DC when working in retail

There used to be a massive ice-cream poster outside a store I worked and I had a little girl once come in with her mum and whispered to me that she loved ice-cream but her mum had said she couldn't have any, and I whispered back to her that I loved ice-cream too but I was prone to eating too much I've even been known to play peek-a-boo and even tickle LOs whilst following them round the store if they were being playful. It makes the day go faster and removes the utter boredom of having to deal with lots of rude adults all day.

Like everyone else says, of course you should follow your instincts. But let's be honest - if it were a female employee, you'd probably not think much of it.

It could be if this was a secondhand furniture shop that it takes 'work experience' placements, perhaps the man had learning difficulties or had recently been in prison perhaps he is just a man who cant deal with social situations and is on a supported work placement.

I can understand your concerns but I think there could be an easy answer to this.

I agree with Asana.

Would you have thought it so strange if it had been a woman?

Did you ask your ds what he had whispered? He may have said 'r u being a good boy for mummy?' maybe ds said 'no' as 3 year olds do.....

Fair enough, go with your instincts but doesn't seem too alarming tbh.

but Triggles was there and WAS alarmed. Unless she has a track record of over reacting or seeing danger everywhere, then she is right to trust her instincts.

Yes sounds a bit weird - and if someone makes you uncomfortable for any reason then it's perfectly sensible not to give them your address!

Nothing wrong with you feeling uncomfortable but nothing happened.
Just try and put it into perspective, the world is full of oddballs (whether this man is one of them or not I dont know) and unless they cause harm then I see no reason to fret about it.
There will always be people who behave in a way you personally wouldn't - its not a big deal.
Even if the man was some sort of predatory figure...nothing happened. You were there.
You cant police what goes on in someones head, so as long as no harm came to your son then all is fine.

Oh and if I really wanted the piece of furniture but really felt freaked out by the guy then I would place the order with him and make conversation of the fact that you were purchasing it for delivery to your brothers/aunts (whoever) house as a gift.