to think my shoutiness as a mother is somewhat atoned by the fact that I am overall very attentive and loving (dh disagrees)

[emkana]

Dh, when he does catch me shouting at the kids (often he doesn't because he's in work ) is always really shocked and concerned etc

BUT while I don't like myself shouting I hope and believe that I make up for it by spending lots of time with them, really talking to them and listening to them, doing lots of fun stuff, telling them I love them a lot, and and and...

while dh might be more patient and hardly ever raises his voice but then he's at work full-time (I'm a SAHM, children are 8,6 and 3) and even when he is around - he does stuff with them but is more likely to be distracted/doing his own thing.

So, over to you, MN jury.

A lot of people shout. I don't think it matters. It matters that someone doesn't spend much time with their children. You being a SAHM is not an excuse for him not to build a relationship with his children when he comes in from work.

This overlaps a bit with the "good mother" thread in chat actually. Have you read it?
I think your husband is being a bit unreasonable. Mine works very long hours and doesn't get to spend much time with the kids during the week. When he is here he's Mr Fun and Games..
The weekend is another story altogether. He's at the end of his tether by about 4pm Saturday..

Leave him in charge all alone for a few days and see how he handles it..

The only thing I would advise care over, because a lot of us do shout, is that what you shout is not negative or hyper critical.

My DC's dad shouted, but he would also be really unkind in his anger which had a very detrimental effect, especially on DS. Be specific about what you are shouting about and not sweeping generalisations about the DC's. It can be hard to think when we are cross, but not as hard as undoing the damage of a child's damaged self esteem because we don't think what we are shouting.

I used to be concerned over my Exes shouting because of these reasons, not simple because he was shouting.

I am not trying to offend, I am sure you aren't like him, but experience has taught me this.