to think I'm a crappy, impatient and intolerant mummy

[Bathsheba]

DD3 has colic and silent reflux. She has been back and forward to the drs and has been referred to the hospital. She therefore screams and cries often, and, whilst she does sleep, she never sleeps for long during the day as she often then suddenly wakes up in pain.

I'm becoming the world's worst Mummy to DD1 and DD2.

DD1 amuses herself (she is 6) by drawing and "making things" from paper and roll upon roll of sellotape. I want to throw everythning out and completely purge my world of her paper boxes and books that she has drawn and stuck together. That makes me cruel and horrible. DD1 also adores DD3 and, when DD3 cries she wants to cheer her up - so I not only have DD3 screaming in my ear in pain, but I had Dd1 "making her happy" by dancing around in circles making up songs that are just continual repetitions of DD3's name and the fact that she is beautiful. I long to scream SHUT UP at her, that makes me a horrid, impatient Mummy.

DD2 is constantly battling for attention, and I can absolutely see why - she gets very little, but I spend my entire day telling her that I can't play with her. She is 3.5 and potty trained late - she has completely regressed since DD3 was born and, on some days, I have poo everywhere. Literlly. Last week it was all over the bathroom because she had tried to clean it up herself, Which was a good thing for her to do (and I told her that) but it all made me want to scream and cry.

I'm SO impatient with them, I'm so rubbish at paying them attention, I seem to spend my entire day shouting at them. I have just made dd1 cry because I wanted to throw out one of her myriad paper and sellotape constructions.

At this time of night they are just running around constantly and I spend my time telling them to stop and not being listened to.

I'm just being a crappy Mummy to the older ones.

darling woman, you sound like you're doing fine to me given the fact that you've got 3 under 6 y olds and a colicky baby!

cut yourself a great big fat piece of slack for goodness sake! and tell DD1 to choose her 3 best pieces, and put them on prominent display and rid yourself of the rest, only keeping 3 at a time from now on...that doesn't make you a bad mummy just means that you don't want your house filled to the brim with sellotaped crap!

and dd2 is lucky that you are so aware of her need for more attention, and you were HYPER patient with the pooing incident...i'd have screamed the house down over it and then berated myself.

you are MUCH TOO HARD ON YOURSELF. i suspect deep down you know this which is why you're asking.

YABVU

Oh dear. You don't sound like a crappy mum at all. But you (understandably) sound run down and possibly depressed. You really can't carry on like this. And it's not your fault. Do you have any support? Could you ask someone to watch them for a while on a regular basis so you can get out and recharge your batteries?

and FWIW i don't think you sound depressed! just at the end of your tether quite understandably...and getting help in is a v good idea.

colicky babies are HELL ON A STICK even when there is just one of them.

My Mum has been around a few times this week - she looked after 2 and 3 yesterday while I went to my weightwatchers class and then gave us all lunch, and she was fab the other day looking after 3 while I dyed my hair and had a shower after doing that (I manage a shower every morning but I needed a post hair dye shower).

I do suspect I'm being hard on myself but I do know I'm being overly hard on and DD1& DD2 - I'm sick of hearing myself telling DD2 to hurry up and run places because I need to get 3 home because she is scremaing - she fell over today coming out of dropping DD1 off at school and it was all because I needed to get DD3 home and needed DD2 to hurry up and walk quicker - she then cried because her favourite dress was all muddy so rather than managing to stop 1 of them crying I then had both of them crying.

You sound most certainly overwhelmed, where is DH?

This is a temporary situation. It will pass. You are not crap. [repeat to yourself daily]

Bathsheba, I have 3 under 5 and know how hard it is; and I don't even have a colicky baby.

You do know they use sleep deprivation as a form of torture don't you?? They do it for a reason.... they should throw in a baby with colic and they'd get all the info they wanted!!

You are doing fine - you are doing your best - stop beating yourself up!!

I know you post quite often, but I'm sorry, I don't remember if you have a DH/DP or are doing this solo... if there is a DP/DH or your Mum even, could you find a way of passing the baby off for a while each day to have some one on one time with the older 2? If you don't have a DH/DP & your Mum can't do it, can you afford a local teenager for an hour or two each night - even if they just pace around the house with the baby while you spend time with the older ones?

Paper & sellotape - do either as sophable said or just do some selective 'culling' while she's at school. LO's rarely notice things are 'missing' if they've made loads of them - but if you ask if you can throw them away it's like asking if you can cut a leg off!! Keep some - be selective!

As for DD1's 'entertainment' routine I think you have to start looking after your own sanity. Tell her that you really appreciate her help in trying to make DD3 happy, but she needs 'quiet time' to be happy, she needs soothing, quiet and too much 'singing' makes her too 'excited'. Be firm before you do damage

Maybe sometimes you would be better to put the baby down and let her cry for a few minutes while you sort out DD1 & DD2 - find your 'serious' tone of voice & use it. At 6 & 3 they are old enough to understand 'stop. running. around. NOW' and if they don't there is a consequence (no TV, straight to bed - whatever).

Mantra - this too shall pass, this too shall pass, this too shall pass...

Give yourself a break. DS has colic, and it stresses me out no end - and I only have him to deal with! You are being far too hard on yourself. x

DH is here but he is oput at work from 8am - 6pm - he takes over doing a lot of the cuddling and pacing when he is here.

What time do the other two go to bed? Can you give them special mummy time just before bed while your DH takes DD3? I know you will be knackered by then, but at least it's something you can offer them earlier in the day when they want your attention.

Agree with ChippingIn above - you might as well accept sometimes that your DD3 is going to cry for a while and leave her for a few minutes while you go back to the others. My DS was colicky and I remember accepting at times that he was just going to howl and there was nothing I could do.

And remember that at some blessed point, the colic will go. I was so relieved when it did for DS, but at the time it just seemed like an unending torment. Now life is much better.

Oh, and can DD1 be persuaded to give any of her constructions to her nan, her daddy to take to work, etc, as 'presents', after which they can be carefully treasured / filed in the waste paper basket as preferred?