to allow my son to attend the family meal

[Boys2mam]

DS1 is 6. He attends a Youthclub on a Thurs eve and I just received a call from a close friend (who is also a Youth worker there) asking me to speak to DS. Apparently he was told numerous times last night to calm down, he was jumping all over (also on tables and couches) and was generally disruptive. She told me they know its just because he is excited and they don't want him not to come but his behaviour must improve.

I'm so cross.

He is always excited to go to this group and as he goes with one of his best friends we have to tell them to calm down when we're taking them there ("we" being DP and I who take turns taking them with the other parents).

Now, my dilemma is how to punish him. He isn't due to go there again for 6 days and we are due to go out tonight for my DB's birthday for a family meal, then he stays at his GP's every Fri. Is there any point not going tonight as punishment or would a stern talking to suffice then a reminder next Thurs before he goes?

I think I know the answer but what do you ladies think?

If you're still with me, Thanks for reading this far x

Well said, fennel.

Am glad that you're not punishing him at home. I think that would be way over the top and just create resentment at home. The natural consequence to misbehaving at the club is that he gets a warning, and if it continues, it is made clear he won't be able to go. I don't think there's any reason to formally 'punish'.

also re the punishing at home for misdemeanours at school - really bad practice, imo. Show that you support the school by supporting the consequence/measures that they have put in place - you don't need to double punish at home, that's just over the top and oppressive.

The way I understood B2M's OP was that on one night her ds was over-excited and therfore disruptive, and that their way of dealing with it was to tell him to calm down. Followed up by a veiled threat that he would be excluded if his mum didn't do something about it.

These disciplinary measures that people are so sure are in place there - what are they? Have they been applied?

If they expect her to do something about this,then they should be discussing it properly with her. Maybe his over-excitement can be addressed - by B2M - before coming into the room where the club takes place. Maybe they can agree strategies like having him sit quietly on the edge of the activity for a few minutes to calm down. Maybe he needs to be given a role to help him focus on doing something, rather than being free to run wild.

Thank you for all of your responses - its my biggest response to an MN post

I have not long returned from a lovely meal with our family, DS1 included, I am glad to post - I spoke to him as soon as he left school today and explained what I had been told. He explained what he remembered but as I thought it was lost in translation being 24 hrs later. He understood what he was being "questioned" for, understands his position for next week and was a pleasure to be with tonight.

Maybe I'm just boring and not worth getting excited over

B2M, how was your ds last night?

My dh is a Leader at Cubs, and I asked him about this issue. He agrees entirely with what I have been saying on this thread. He also said "They're young boys - they're supposed to get over-excited. It's what young boys do. We're the adults - it's our job to guide them and help them learn to control their behaviour."

He is not a teacher. He, too, is an unpaid volunteer.