WWYD - have just realised some of DS's clothes are probably stolen!

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

A good friend of mine has a neighbour/friend. I know her a bit and we get on well enough, although she does a lot of things in her life that I don't approve of/agree with. Before you flame - one of them is shoplifting.

She has handed down bags and bags of baby clothes for my DS since hers is 18mo older. I haven't bought a thing for ages and I was very very grateful. But...........I have just realised that she probably nicked a good number of those clothes. I have text mutual friend to ask hoping that she says 'no, she would never steal clothes for her children' but I'm clutching at straws....

WTF do I do? There is nothing I can do about the clothes I already have, and it would be priggish to refuse any more clothes in the future. Me refusing them won't stop her from doing it. And I don't know how many of these clothes are nicked (but she has lots, and is on a low income, far far more than I could afford to buy)

I pass on all my decent baby clothes to SIL who is a single parent in a country with no maintenance or income support system so they go to a very good home after.

What do I do to feel less guilty?

Just don't accept any more. Priggish or not, suggest she gives them to charity.

donate to charity?

What if I give a donation to charity?

We had this situation where one of the mums at playgroup was stealing from her employer a children's clothes shop and selling these as bargains at the local church playgroup, I wasn't in the group thank goodness, but by all accounts everyone gratefully bought the clothes.
She got caught in the end, nothing happened though, just got sacked.

Not sure you can feel less guilty you either benefit or you don't but as you say she's not going to stop on your account.

So basically OP you want people to support you in a accepting stolen goods? You want the clothes, guilt free. Take them, enjoy them but know it isn't right.

its her crime not yours. give her the benefit of the doubt.. however if you know beyond a shadow of a doubt they are stolen then maybe don't accept any more. but they are only 2nd hand baby clothes, not something with a good 2nd hand value.

however if she is giving you new clothes thats a whole different matter.

If it'd make you feel better yes give a donation to charity.

"handling stolen goods" is I think a crime? be careful!

No PosieParker - I do feel guilty although I haven't actually done anything.

I don't know which, if any, of these clothes are stolen. By the time I got them they are worthless. She has two boys and a big family so it's possible that she has so many because they are hand me downs, but I know she shoplifts so I expect at least some of them are stolen.

I do not want to accept clothes from her in future because but if she offered it would make me look ungrateful and priggish. Plus they might not be stolen at all in which case I would be chucking a nice gesture in her face. Me refusing them won't stop her from stealing - she's not stealing for me. But I feel bad about the clothes I already have. Obviously there's nothing I can do but would you give a donation to charity or something, to make yourself feel better?

TBH you can't really be sure if any given garment is stolen or not. If you're handing over cash, or they're new, or you don't really need them, I would stop. Otherwise, if you feel ok about it, carry on. It's pretty difficult to tell whether any second hand item has been gained through criminal activity in its previous life and you don't know for certain they were stolen.

Really wouldn't worry about it. SHe will carry on shoplifting whether you accept them or not and you are passing them on to someone who really needs them. Also you don't know if they are stolen.

A friend of mine who's on a low income has tons and tons of clothes for her DS and she doesn't steel, just alway picks up bargains on the internet and buys things in the sale a size bigger ready to be worn the next year.

why would a charity donation help here? the clothes have been stolen probably from somewhere like M&S, Next, Mothercare etc. The result of her stealing is higher prices in clothes, goods etc for the rest of us. If these stores wanted to donate to charity I'm sure they would and already do. What she is doing is wrong and i'm afraid in accepting that she does this and doing nothing about it you are helping her.

But you're basically asking for people to say it's okay, you are seeking a way to feel less guilty...so you either think they are stolen or not. If you suspect they are don't accpet them.

If you can justify your decision, which you are trying to, then fine take the clothes.

I don't think donating money to charity would make me feel better, there is no see saw of justice..she still will have stolen clothes you dress your child in whether you donate or not.

I'm not going to accept anymore. I can avoid it because my friend will tell me if she has some for me, and I can just avoid seeing this woman quite easily so it never comes up. I'm afraid I can't say 'I can't accept them because you might have stolen some' - flame me for that if you want but I can't.

I feel guilty about the ones I already have. I can't donate money to Next so a charity donation might make me feel karmically balanced - but it would be kinda pointless in terms of reparation for the stealing.

Sorry, your last post is spot on. I find myself posting things which I know already in the hope that others will make me feel okay about it. I honestly think even we all said 'take them, you didn't do anything' it is something that would play on your mind and you'd feel guilty anyway. You seem like an honest person to have your conscience pulled by this in the first place.

I posted cos I was a bit shocked and a bit [facepalm] when I twigged this morning and felt guilty immediately! I have decided to donate anything nice to charity shop so they can maybe get some revenue from it and make a donation to a charity to assuage my conscience!

i think you have found your solution.