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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think my dh is being a self indulgent twat today

18 replies

humptynumpty · 11/03/2010 13:08

Am really pissed off. Both had a short nights sleep last night and both tired.
He has tendency to be negative and pessimistic and sees doom and dispair around every corner.
TBH I am fed up too, worrying about money, baby due in 3 weeks, work etc... same shit everybody worries about.
But for him, instead of doing something about it, he just buries his head in the sand.
So far today, I got up with kids, took them to pre-school, went to midwife, picked up kids, made their lunch. He has done some minor diy... He's fed up and tired so looses his temper with me, I told him to shut up and not be rude to me so then he goes off in a huff and goes to bed.
FFS, I'm sick of it. He has been depressed etc in the past, but I think he is just playing on it now, either way he won't do anything about it. Refuses to take doctors advice and do some CBT, refuses to eat sensible diet, refuses to go out and get some fresh air and exercise etc so I say sod it.
You just want sympathy and an excuse to be an arse, apologies to others suffering from depression, I know this is a horrible illness, but he isn't depressed, he is just fed up same as 99% of the rest of us.
Just went in bedroom to get something and now he is asleep. Well that's great for you mate, but it won't get anything else sorted will it?
He says house is a mess, need to chase up phone calls etc blah, blah, but it won't get done while he's in bed sleeping will it?
AIBU to think he is being a self indulgent twat and should get up and get on with it? God knows I feel like staying in bed all day sometimes but at the end of the day what does that acheive?
Fucking lazy arsed fucker!!

OP posts:
rasputin · 11/03/2010 13:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lovechoc · 11/03/2010 13:24

I'd be having it out with him if that was me (wait til DC are in bed though, or out the house). You shouldn't be putting up with that kind of behaviour. And if he genuinely is unwell, ie depression, then it's his responsbility to go back to GP and get help. Otherwise he is being selfish, not thinking of you and your DC and your unborn baby.

baskingseals · 11/03/2010 13:25

YANBU at all. wish I could offer some useful advice. I called my dh a lazy arse over the weekend, it did make me feel better - slightly.

Could you possibly get him to take the kids out so you can crack on at home a bit?

anyway lots of sympathy from me

BouncingTurtle · 11/03/2010 13:25

Take one bucket.
Fill with cold water.
Empty it on his head.

And shout "GET OUT OF BED YOU LAZY FUCKWIT!"

junglist1 · 11/03/2010 13:27

Just like having another child IMO. If you were to do that what would happen?

humptynumpty · 11/03/2010 13:31

rofl, thank christ I'm not the only one thinking he is being a twat!!!
Went to midwife on Tuesday, actually asked to pop in and see them. Was feeling really emotional for no particular reason and "let it all out" to the midwife. He showed up to pick me up and she "had a little chat with him" and he actually got his act together a bit.
He's not all bad, it just pisses me off him thinking it's acceptable to bury his head in the sand.
Like I already said, we all get fed up of chasing bills, budgeting, shopping, washing, cooking, looking after kids etc... Sadly it's just real life, but my nature is just to get on with it, while his is to sleep. He says I could go for a lie down if I wanted to, but to be honest sometimes I just rather get on with the day and go to bed early, rather than lie down and get up to it afterwards.
Like midwife said, some men just don't get it!!!

OP posts:
GreaterFence · 11/03/2010 13:39

May I suggest a name change to HumptysMarriedToAFuckingNumpty

YANBU

humptynumpty · 11/03/2010 13:41

pmsl greaterfence
Will change it now!!!

OP posts:
humptyismarriedtoanumpty · 11/03/2010 13:43

done

catsdontscreetch · 11/03/2010 13:45

lol at GreaterFence.
My 'D'H also suffers from depression and I often feel he's playing on it. That's when I bawl him out and things get better (for a while).
Depression is a 'selfish' condition and they don't realise that others can get down/tired/frustrated/murderous rages (maybe that last one's just me)
Make sure he know how you feel. You'll feel better if nothing else.

GreaterFence · 11/03/2010 13:48

Fits perfectly

Now go with the bucket and water idea...

humptyismarriedtoanumpty · 11/03/2010 13:51

Yes, I have calmed down now, time to wake up the lazy bastard. Think I will crack on with cleaning up a bit in a very noisy fashion. He can't complain seeing as he was upset about the mess in the first place!!!
Just for the record am not cleaning up to please him, am feeling the nesting coming over me again!!!
Thanks ladies!!

ReneRusso · 11/03/2010 13:57

Lazy fucker. Go on strike and get him to make dinner tonight. If he doesn't, go and get fish and chips (just for yourself).
Seriously though, if he is depressed you must insist he does something about it, or it's not fair on you, you can't carry him along emotionally when you will soon have a newborn to worry about.

humptyismarriedtoanumpty · 11/03/2010 14:01

rene this is it, I don't think he is actually depressed, he is just feeling sorry for himself. Either way, he has been told by 2 different doctors that he would do much better to change his lifestyle and open up a little bit, instead of indulging himself. I realise this is not a solution for everyone by any means, but I have seen him on anti-depressants and he just wallowed in it. Was much better when he decided enough was enough and fought it himself. Guess he is lucky in that way, because it isn't that bad that he can't fight it if he wants to!!
Off to make lots of noise now!!

humptyismarriedtoanumpty · 11/03/2010 14:04

catsdontscreetch that's it exactly. My mum says it's not his fault that he's a man... well true enough (in some cases) but that's not my fault either!!!
Best way to deal with him in my experience is for a situation to come up that he has to deal with... then he does usually step up to the plate. Is actually very good with our kids and they don't suffer because he is suffering iyswim, but it's too easy for him slide backwards if you give him an inch!!!

diddl · 11/03/2010 17:38

I would suggest you take children out somewhere nice,OP & let him do the housework.

Or go out whilst children at preschool tomorrow & leave him to sort out the mess!

abbierhodes · 11/03/2010 17:52

Does he not work?

humptyismarriedtoanumpty · 11/03/2010 21:25

abbier yes he does work, but our business is seasonal, so work hard all summer and take it easy over the winter. TBH am amazed have lasted this far over the winter without world war 3 breaking out!!!
Have refused to indulge him today... woke him up on purpose and when he started moaning, I told him if he didn't like it, he could go out. So he shut up.
He then apologised later, says he doesn't know what's up with him... I told him few home truths which didn't go down too well so now truce is holding. I went out this evening for a bit and feeling better now for having got away from him for a bit.
Will be better once this baby is born and there is a new focus instead of waiting for it to arrive and also once he starts working again and gets the hell out of my hair!!!

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