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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell the school to sod off

32 replies

fernie3 · 11/03/2010 11:21

My daughter (in reception)had a letter a couple of weeks ago saying that her attendance was too low and that we needed to go in and see the nurse about it. Fair enough, she has been ill but I dont mind going in to talk about it.
We went in to be confronted with the head teacher and the nurse and a load of paperwork relating to our daughters attendance and the head then openely accused us of lying about the reasons she was off as it looked like we were taking "long weekends".

Yes she has had time off (her attendance is 83%) with illness the head teacher also has copies of consultants letters detailing not only the appointments that she has had but also the tests (scans etc). We explained that it is not a case of her having a cold and staying off she has been off not only with serious urinary infections which have left her at the hospital and crying in pain but also with a whole host of other illness.

The consultant has told us that due to the initial illness a year ago (e coli) she WILL get ill more often and WILL get more ill with a disease than she otherwise would have done and that this could take in his words "years" to reslove. So for example my son had conjunctivitis and had a slightly sore eye for a couple of days, my daughter then got the same thing her eye was so badly infected it was swollen shut she had a temp of 41 degrees and was ill for a week on antibiotics!.I HAVE sent her with minor illness for example today she is in with a fairly bad cold and cough etc

The school have now told us to take her in when she is ill so they can send her home so basically they want me to walk her two miles to the school with a possibly serious illness, high temp and if its another urinary infection also in pain and then bring her home again while also pushing my one year old in a pushchair and walking my 3 year old on and being pregnant? ridiculous.

AIBU to tell them to sod off next time she is properly ill and keep her home anyway. Surely if we provide medical evidence she is ill thats enough? unless they are also accusing us of forging that!.

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 11/03/2010 11:24

tell the school you will.....but she might be contagious and risk infecting others,and you'll expect them to pay for return taxi fares!!

racmac · 11/03/2010 11:25

YANBU - why should they decide whether she is ill enough for school or not

You could tell them that you will call them if she is ill and if they want to come to your home and see how ill she is then feel free otherwise PISS OFF

Personally i would tell them that they have letters and appointments from Paed - go to hell

whyme2 · 11/03/2010 11:28

I think you have every right to tell them to piss off. I can't believe they want you to take a sick child o school wtf?? Madness.

The schools attendance targets are a royal PITA.

Last week I Was told that I couldn't take my dd aged 6 for a gp appt to sort out her excezma sp? unless it was after 1pm when she had made her attendance for that day. Have you tried to get a gp appt at a time suitable to yourself, it just doensn't happen. If you want to see the doc it takes 3days of phoning just to get an appt.

Rhubarb · 11/03/2010 11:28

Tell them to fuck off.

Complain to the board of governers and the LEA and DEMAND an apology.

You are not even legally obliged to take her to school until she is 5 - so what are they going to do? I'd flash my arse at them and tell them to kiss it.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 11/03/2010 11:30

Is your daughter 5? If not she doesn't even have to legally be attending school! They are coming down very hard; I would have thought they would be very reassured by your providing dr's letters/scans etc and they should be able to see straight away that this is genuine medical absence and not a parent just not bothering with attendance. Also I think it's outrageous that they are infringing on your right as a parent to decide on your own child's fitness for school. That would make me angry.

I notice you haven't mentioned the EWO being involved - if they have on going concerns they should ask the EWO to see you. Any good EWO (in my view) would see the official letters/dates/scans you have to show and would be absolutely fine with that and take it no further.

The school are being way too heavy handed here I think

CirrhosisByTheSea · 11/03/2010 11:30

The school are being way too heavy handed here I think

CirrhosisByTheSea · 11/03/2010 11:30

oops sorry posted twice, PC went weird!

sunnydelight · 11/03/2010 11:34

So the head wants to risk your child's health so his statistics don't look bad! Tell them to sod off.

tartyhighheels · 11/03/2010 11:36

yesi would tell them to sod off - they have no right at all to ask you to bring a sick child in and makes a mokery of infection control too.

If they are so concerned ask them to get the welfare education people onto it and then show them the letters.

what is upsetting is the essential assumption that you are lying - my kids have a lot of time off school one is diabetic and both are coeliac and we often have a challenge (once by a memebr of staff giving the little one a bread roll!) and they are off for a day or so. Lately our in term holiday could not be authorised for one of my dd's becuase she was half a point under the minimum she needed but this was becuase she has 3 days off after the bread roll incident!

Very nicely, i tell them to sod off quite a lot - do the same, this sounds a really instrusive policy they are implementing

ThatVikRinA22 · 11/03/2010 11:46

nope your not being unreasonable - they are - id tell them to sod off too. id phone the education welfare officer to explain the situation and also put it in writing to them - then tell the school to back off. it would be a cold day in hell before i dragged a sick child out of bed to walk 2 miles just to prove to them that they were really ill.

stealthsquiggle · 11/03/2010 11:50

So essentially they are saying that they are better placed to judge whether your DD is well enough for school than you are? Or possibly than your GP/DD's consultant is?

I would ask them to produce their medical qualifications to back that up.

Perhaps the consultant could put his/her opinion in writing to keep them off your back - but in the meantime, you are absolultely NBU to tell them to sod off.

Original poster

fernie3 · 11/03/2010 11:53

CirrhosisByTheSea she is 5 already (september birthday) so she is compulsory school age.

tartyhighheels They told us this as well that now if we asked for a holiday "of course it would not be authorized" as if this was somehow going to magically cure her - I had no intention of asking for one anyway but I was a bit annoyed at this too. Its not enough that we have spent the last year coping with all of this but now we are having our "privileges" removed! I feel like a toddler with a star chart!.

OP posts:

McDreamy · 11/03/2010 11:54

Yes tell them to sod off. That is an outrageous accusation! I think I would be contacting someone about this behaviour! LEA? Governors? Even your local MP as this is surely all about the schools statistics?

GetOrfMoiLand · 11/03/2010 11:56

lol Rhubarb. Yes they need to back off.

I would pre-empt it all by contacting the EWO yourself with a summary of what the consultants have told you.

I would also write a strongly worded letter to the LEA and governor.

If they want to do strong arm tactics I think you should retaliate.

Fluffyone · 11/03/2010 12:29

Ask the school to give you a copy of their complaints policy, you should already have it, or access to it, possibly on the internet. If your complaint is against the Headteacher then you don't need to make a formal complaint to them as the first stage. You can make a formal complaint to the Chair of Governors, giving the time they have to respond will be in the complaints procedure. Include useful letters from your consultant. (Copy it to the EWO just because it will be useful for them to know). Be sure to include in your letter what the outcome is that you want from the complaint. Do you want an apology? Do you want to be assured that they will take the written advice of medical professionals in the future and not insist that you drag your sick child into school?
Normally the governing body will be advised to form a complaints panel, but correspondence from them will inform you about this. If you go to panel you can take a friend.
A letter giving you the decision of the panel will also advise you that if you are unhappy you can take the complaint to the Secretary for Education and Skills.
(Yes, I do have some knowledge of this!)

Fluffyone · 11/03/2010 12:30

I meant to say that the time the Governing Body has to respond will be in the school complaints procedure.

saslou · 11/03/2010 12:36

IMO the school are basically calling you a liar and they want to judge for themselves if your child is really sick. WTF? If this was me I would be seeing a solicitor and making a formal complaint.

Clarissimo · 11/03/2010 12:36

Another to say tell them top piss off

Or rather follow the sensiblea dvice about complaints below but ykwim.

Ridiculkous, quite apart from the obvious cruelty to your child there will be chidlren there with eitehr a susceptibility that could prove fatal, or a sibling with such a disease. Exactly how many kids are they willing to risk in order to punish you for nothing at all?

Good luck with making a complaint. And ewnjoy your pregnancy

aristocat · 11/03/2010 12:44

yes, contact LEA or Governors, this is appalling behaviour and they are trying to bully you.

if they want a fight - you give 'em one!

StewieGriffinsMom · 11/03/2010 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

gagamama · 11/03/2010 13:07

Unbelievable! I suppose they're also perfectly willing to shoulder the blame and inevitable legal action should (heaven forbid) something untoward happen to your poorly DD on the days she is being DRAGGED TO FUCKING SCHOOL while she is very ill? Totally beggars belief. YANBU to tell them to sod off... and the rest.

gagamama · 11/03/2010 13:09

What about when she's in hospital, are you allowed to keep her in or will you have to discharge her every morning to present her at school for 'official' analysis? Absolutely crazy. Tell them where to shove it.

TheFirstLady · 11/03/2010 13:19

I would do exactly as Fluffyone has suggested. Would your GP or consultant be prepared to write a letter reiterating the facts of your daughter's condition and the implications to back up your case?

flyingdolphin · 11/03/2010 13:23

YANBU
As the others have said, complain.

It is bad enough to have a child who is often ill, you don't need the school's c**p on top of it.

wotdoido · 11/03/2010 14:05

I didn't think you were compulsary school age until the September after your 5th birthday so I would say they can't do anything. Also bringing your child into school when ill and possibly contagious in not going to help their attendance figures if the whole class get ill.

Getting the EWO involved is probably a good idea.

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