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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in thinking if you lend someone something

26 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 11/03/2010 11:05

Until they no longer need it they should NOT then sell what you lent them and when you ask for it back and they tell you they have given it away/sold it they should be compensating you??

Especially if they knew it was a loan...

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 11/03/2010 11:06

Oooh this is a tricky one.

Not sure.

TLE of course you are not being unreasonable! What was it?

TootaLaFruit · 11/03/2010 11:08

Need more details. In theory of course YANBU, but I just can't imagine what the situation is where someone would think it is ok to do this with your stuff?

trixymalixy · 11/03/2010 11:15

YANBU What was it?

ginormoboobs · 11/03/2010 11:16

YANBU
Twuntish people that we loaned things to (they asked for them!) threw them out and then told us that we were being unreasonable to expect them back because you should not expect anything back that you loan.
I thought that thinking like that was just them being arseholes but it seems that there are other people (the people you loaned things to) who think the same!

sunnydelight · 11/03/2010 11:17

I think this happens a lot with baby stuff tbh (although of course you could be talking about something different entirely!). I think it is totally and absolutely out of order unless they have specifically been told "I don't want it back, pass it on when you're done with it".

DS2's godmother bought him an expensive baby swing. It was a gift, certainly not a loan, but when he outgrew it and I sold it I took her out to lunch with the proceeds - it just seemed the right thing to do.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 11/03/2010 11:20

Of course it's not unreasonable to expect stuff back that you loan out!

I think it depends a little on what it is though - I have found that if it's baby stuff, there is a culture (very good one I think) of passing stuff on, and if it's possible, for those people to keep passing on to others - for example I've passed on loads of baby stuff to others that has not been worn out by them, and is perfectly in good nick to pass on to the next family in need of baby stuff.

I wouldn't expect to get baby stuff back. I think it's sensible, if you're planning another baby within a year or two, not to lend anything out anyway. And if you're not, then give it don't lend it.

SusieCarmichael · 11/03/2010 11:23

but a loan is a loan, you didn't give it, you loaned it, right? did you stipulate that you wanted it back?

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 11/03/2010 11:31

just some baby items that i loaned out and asked for them to be returned when finished with.

OP posts:
AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 11/03/2010 11:37

I would be really annoyed if I had told them I wanted the stuff back. I'd ask them to replace it. If they refuse, I would tell them I am going to report them to the police because it is theft. Then if they still did not replace it, I'd report them. Let the police decide who is in the wrong and who is right.

swanandduck · 11/03/2010 11:40

YANBU. Did they give it away or sell it. If they sold it, the money is rightfully yours and I would ask that they donate it to a charity of your choice.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 11/03/2010 11:43

They have said some of the items were sold and some given away.

the fact that they never aid a word until i asked for the item back has annoyed me.

OP posts:
GladioliBuckets · 11/03/2010 11:45

YANBU but with baby stuff though you have to be really clear and mark labels etc. Lots of women find being a 'hectic mum' a perfect excuse for their pre-existing thoughtlessness so for example say 'I'll want that back for my next baby' or 'I'll want to ebay it' otherwise they'll just guess to their own convenience rather than ask.

swanandduck · 11/03/2010 11:48

Were they embarassed or apologetic about it?

lilysmummy2007 · 11/03/2010 11:52

if it was a loan then they should give it back, if it wasnt then it shouldnt matter what they did with it. If you gave it to them they could chuck it in the bin and it shouldnt bother you. Did you specify it was a loan??

Geocentric · 11/03/2010 11:53

If they were absolutely sure the stuff was yours and wanted then YANBU. However, sometimes (especially with baby/kid stuff as there is so much of it) people do get mixed up. I lent a dress to my DN when she was little which I wanted back for my own (younger) DD but my lovely and very scatty SIL got it mixed up with the ton of other stuff she had and forgot it was mine. I found it for sale at a local second hand shop . She is a really lovely person so I guessed what had happened and bought it back quietly!!!!

thatsnotmymonkey · 11/03/2010 11:56

That is terrible!

I offered a neighbour of mine a bumbo, and said "DS isn't using it, I can lend it to you for a bit, but wouldn't mind it back" My neighbour said, "That would be lovely, they are expensive. Are you sure you don't want it back?"

thumbwitch · 11/03/2010 11:56

God, that's so bad! Everything that I have been given in terms of equipment etc. I have asked the donor if they wanted it back - most of the time they have said no, do what you want with it, pass it on or whatever. I wouldn't have dreamt of selling it without asking them first! Some of the stuff I wasn't sure whether it was a loan or a gift, but I always assumed loan until told otherwise!

Isn't that what most decent people would do??
Am quite that anyone would presume otherwise, tbh!

TLES - take 'em down the copshop, you know you want to!
(Hope DS2 is better now? or was it the CP after all?)

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 11/03/2010 12:10

I made it clear that I wanted the items back. I said
"I can lend you these bit but they need to be returned when you have finished with them as I will be needing them again"

Am not going to take them to police I will just remember for future reference that if they ask to borrow anything else the answer will be a big fat NO.

TW he has diarrhea today so not sure what it is ....

OP posts:
SusieCarmichael · 11/03/2010 12:13

did they apologise? were they even sorry? if they sold them i would definitely ask for the money from them at least

hope baby gets well soon x (gitk btw)

Holly29 · 11/03/2010 12:14

YANBU. Your stuff. You made it clear that you wanted the items back. You even gave an explanation for why you did - because you would be needing them again. I have friends who kindly lent me various items and I have used them and them carefully washed/laundered each and every one and given it back. I'd let it go if I were you, whilst making it very clear that you are annoyed about it.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 11/03/2010 12:17

No apology offered even

I am going to let it go but tbh i was just annoyed that even though they knew i had asked for the things back they disregarded me completely.

I hope stinky butt DS2 is well soon as well have a rotten headache today lol

OP posts:
Geocentric · 11/03/2010 12:34

TLE, in that case its just plain and horrible rudeness Some people are just idiots. Hope you and DS feel better soon!

AreAnyNamesAvailable · 11/03/2010 12:38

YANBU, never lend them anything again! I label stuff clearly to show it is mine, but have kept a few things that are really dear to me, even though I don't know when I will have more children.

LOL at going to the police, though! I am a teacher and if every child who had lent something to another child and did not get it back went to the police, there would be no real crimes solved ever again!

Get well soon, BabyTheLadyEvenstar

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 11/03/2010 12:47

DS2 is now OFFICIALLY renamed as STINKY

OP posts:
lilysmummy2007 · 11/03/2010 13:10

thats really bad, I know you gave me some nappies and even though I donated most to the charity shop, I did offer to return the ones I have. Even though you gave them rather than loaned them to me, it was more a trade for my huge expensive card making kit that I wasnt using. If I have no use for them so would gladly give them back.