to thank all the WOHM who made it possible for me to be a SAHM?

[iwastooearlytobeayummymummy]

I was a SAHM for a Verrrry long time but without WOHM it would not have been possible so here goes a big thank you to

midwives, health visitors, teachers, solicitors,SALT, nurses, doctors, shop workers/ retailers,social workers, writers, cleaners, child minders the list goes on,

please add

I rhink a nice sentiment somewhat ground under foot by some posters. It is possible to thank one group of people whilst also understanding that they aren't the only group that make it possible for you to live the life you do . It's not an Oscars speech, just an acknowledgement that once the OP was possibly slightly judgey about working mothers but now realises that many industries - retail, health, education to name just three obvious ones - would grind to a halt without a significant proportion of mothers deciding to go back to work.

Many working mothers agonise about the effect on their children when they return to work but either don't have the choice or feel its the right thing for their family. To hear someone say that it has made a difference to them is nice. It can be kinda irritating sometimes to hear mothers smug about staying at home when you are secretly thinking "yes but I'd bet you'd like your child to have an education which isn;t going to happen if all those teachers don't go back to work".

Nice sentiment OP.

I think a nice sentiment somewhat ground under foot by some posters. It is possible to thank one group of people whilst also understanding that they aren't the only group that make it possible for you to live the life you do . It's not an Oscars speech, just an acknowledgement that once the OP was possibly slightly judgey about working mothers but now realises that many industries - retail, health, education to name just three obvious ones - would grind to a halt without a significant proportion of mothers deciding to go back to work.

Many working mothers agonise about the effect on their children when they return to work but either don't have the choice or feel its the right thing for their family. To hear someone say that it has made a difference to them is nice. It can be kinda irritating sometimes to hear mothers smug about staying at home when you are secretly thinking "yes but I'd bet you'd like your child to have an education which isn't going to happen if all those teachers don't go back to work".

Nice sentiment OP.

Aah thank you for saying that LadyBiscuit .

My youngest has just started school in September though, so both children are at school and I am not looking after them all day. Although I still have them for 4 hours a day after school, which people forget when they say I have no kids to look after ALL day.

I wonder if I am basing what everyone might think on my FIL's opinion, as I think he thought I should get straight back to work when they were both at school. He says things like "What do you do all day?". There is no point trying to explain anything to him because he has never done the smallest amount of housework and didn't get involved with childcare for his own children much. MIL seems to think that men just have to sit around on the sofa farting and belching while the women bring them cups of tea and keep the house perfect and cook them lovely dinners. Maybe if I did it as well as she does they would think I was good, but I don't go out to work AND my house isn't as perfect as hers and my cooking is edible but not fantastic.

Sorry for going on, I'm in a funny (not haha) mood today!

It was a very nice sentiment. I prefer Riven's all encompassing "women are great" though.

OrdinarySAHM it's awful that you feel that way. We all make our decisions on whats best for our family, our circumstances and if staying at home is what works for you then fuck what anyone else thinks. Don't even give it headspace!

I've cut down to part-time since last summer because that's what suited our family. I felt totally overwhelmed with full-time for many reasons which don't need to be justified to anyone other than us.

There are an infinate number of family dynamics and the black and white SAHM v WOHM arguement is blinkered, narrowminded and ignorant IMVHO.

I'm sure we all do what is best for our families and NONE of us should have to justify or feel like shit for doing our best.

The sentiment of the op was nice however I agree with others who have pointed out that we, as a society and as individuals all play our part in making the world turn, SAHM or WOHM, man or woman, college educated or early school leaver etc.

It's a little saddening to think that it's women/mothers who drive the SAHM v WOHM arguement mostly. Reinforcing the feelings of guilt that seem to be born the same moment our children are. Hold your head high OrdinarySAHM and anyone else regardless of which category you fall into in the knowledge that you are doing your best for your family and fuck the begrudgers I say!

The grass isn't always greener no matter what camp you're in.

I've never picked up a parenting book because I don't think there is one person in this world who knows how to be the perfect parent who can preach to me and charge me for the privilege (sp?). I will do my level best and when logic and emotions fail me I'll turn to my rl friends or MN for a wide variety of insights and wing it from there!

Also interesting that there are actually some books preaching parenting methods by authors who don't even have children, WTF?

Excellent post Scardy.

OrdinarySAHM - I am planning on leaving my full time job once mine start school because I cannot cope with all the stitched together child care - after school, holidays etc. It gives me a headache just thinking about it.

Your FIL sounds like an arse btw.

Scardypants - I would like to thank you for making it possible for me to resist embarking on yet anoth SAHM/WOHM debate.

I think those posters who were sour in reply to a lovely sentiment show themselves for what they are...

I work from home so I take my hat off to all the SAHMs and WOHMs. You all make sacrifices and deserve every kudos.

I would like to add the community support woman who came to walk me to and from a playgroup when I had such bad depression and anxiety that I couldnt leave the bedroom alone let alone the house - the days she came to help me get out were what really started me on the road to normality again! and I know she had young children at home as well.
sadly that role has been recently cut such a shame that no more women will benefit from this and that she is out of a job.

Thank you Scardy and Lady

The whole thing of co-ordinating work round school times put us off as well.

Anyway, I'd better stop reading this and get on with my housewifely tasks

im not sure where i fit in with this as my DH just about earns enough to let me stay at home mon-fri then i work saturdays only while our DD is at home with her daddy.

i have resented friends of mine who have chosen to work but then turn around and expect me to drop any plans i have had to rescue them from a childcare emergency, just because im 'at home'. i believe if you can stay at home to look after your own kids without deliberately being a burden on taxpayers then you should. i know someone who dislikes her own kiddie enough sometimes to be glad to be rid of said DC for the day, then goes out for the day doing something other than work. that cant be right can it?

In which universe would helping out 'friends' cause resentment?

Honestly, I'm glad you're not my 'friend'.

I am sure the OP was meant in the nicest possible way, and I will probably get flamed for this but...

I don't want to be a WOHM, I am not doing it for the benefit of other women, I am doing it to pay the mortgage and put food on the table. I know SAHMs often make huge sacrifices, but I am jealous of those who can choose to stay at home. So I find it quite strange to be 'thanked'.

We all do the best we can for our families and we all contribute in many different ways, but 'thank you' makes it sound (to me) as though working mums are doing SAHMs some kind of favour.

funny how the OP taking her judgeypants off seems to make some people hoik their own up even more fiercely!

I'm a WOHM and have near daily "wobbles" about whether I'm doing the right thing for my dds - I'm sure there are an awful lot of SAHMs and WOHMs having similar angsty moments. Last thing we need is a lot of moral judginess on top of all the practical issues there are to juggle as well.

I think you are just right OP. I also think the workplace is a better place for having women in it, at all levels. I think home would be better if it could be SAHPs rather than Ms as the norm. I do think it's a shame that economics are the main driving force behind most people's decisions, and that there isn't really a choice for probably the majority.

But please, people, let's just stop the "I'm a SAHM so I care about my children"/"I'm a WOHM because I'm brainy and not bone-idle" dichotomy... we all know, I think, that neither assertion is true, both are very hurtful and get us no further towards our goal of happy children and happy parents.

So there.

I think it's very nice to be thanked actually Pozzled. I don't do it to support SAHMs either but it's nice that it's acknowledged.

thisisjuststupid - you don't like your friends much do you?

Resentment and jealousy are not nice emotions

thisisjuststupid - your post is why i would rather walk over broken glass than ask my sahm friends for emergency help

northernlurker - really?

I'm a SAHM and I often help out friends, working or not.

Are they really your friends?

This is a strange post. The only person I have to thank for having to stay at home is my dh. Because he earns good money we receive no help with childcare. So I would end up worse off if I had a job.

I think perhaps the point is to imagine what the UK would be like if no mother had a career. So when you saw a midwife, or a doctor, or a teacher, and so on, none of them had children of their own. I think that bringing up children would be a very different experience and the way that women with children were treated by professionals would be very different and, I believe, worse.

Similarly, I would not want to live in a world where all women went back to work when their children were 4 months old, or where no women ever did any voluntary work.

I agree with the OP, and think that most of us are contributing and want to help each other, whether we are in paid work or not. I really dislike the 'our family against the world' kind of approach. Children are not being raised in a bubble.

Wotdoido,Do you really receive no help from WOHMs in any shape or form? Was your midwifery care provided by a team of childless people, or if your children are of school age are they in a school completely devoid of WOHM? How about the clothes on your family's back? Were they perhaps made, bought and sold by WOHM?

My point is really a personal one in that I often took the moral high ground about being a SAHM and now realise that I was being niave.

Having said that as a SAHM I also contributed a lot to the wider community , doing assorted 'good deeds' for the NCT, PTA and CAB.

And I often,albeit sometimes resentfully, provided free childcare to others.

Thank you Cat64, thought I'd try a bit of conciousness raising must have been seeing a programme on feminism last night