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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think my best friend doesn't want me having any other friends?

10 replies

TheLeftFelanji · 10/03/2010 21:53

friend A knew friend B and I had planned to meet up this Friday. haven't seen friend B since last April! mostly because when three of us make any plans, friend A will cancel last minute or re-arrange it...but never makes it to that either. somewhow freind A will then meet up with B for an hour lunch or after work for a quick bite. (me not invited and it's always too spontaenous for me!!) freind A will also come round to mine randomly, but never if it's planned with all three of us.

Today, Friend A sent friend B a text to ask if she wanted to go out with her instead of me on Friday. Friend B who is sick of cancellations and the text sounded strange and quite out of the blue, called me to ask if friend A knew if she's coming round to mine? I said yes. Friend B then told me about the text and that she would like to just come round and see me and my ds as we've had so many let downs by friend A all last year. I asked friend A why she did this...and she said she hadn't thought much into it, but the salsa class had come up (freind does not do salsa! but friend B could be interested) and wanted to just test freind B. I said it wasn't nice as she clearly knows we have made plans. and even if freind b went, that would be them dumping me after I've planned this.

Friend A feels she has to show me that friend B is not a good friend. (yes, she is more a work colleague that meet up once in a while, and freind A got to know her through me. After I had ds, they did things together (both being at a bit of a loss as I couldn't get out and continue going out as much.) i did not mind them getting together, even feeling releived that I wasn't letting them down all the time while getting ds into a routine. I made new friends at the playgroups - sort of leaving behind my single freinds in a way.

Friend A and B didn't get along as well as they had with me, having less in common and sort of no history and very different opinions. They haven't seen eachother since last August. But each time i've tried to meet up with freind B, freind A has made plans to meet up with her and then let her down and talked me out of meeting up with her and inviting herself round to mine instead. I never thought much of it before except the last few times i've thoughtit very strange because it's coming up to a year now that I haven't seen B. I was almost going to not tell friend A as I had started feeling like she will jeapordise this again. And as i suspected, suddenly, randomly she has decided to text friend B. (WTF?)

Am i reading this right. freind A is jealous of me having freind B round without her- or me having any other freinds full stop? I have to say it's been very difficult with ds and freind A has never been there. Usually swanning off somewhere (unless a freind is coming round, then she will also come round the day before or the next day!) She says she doesn't want me to be used by freind B, although how this will happen when we are just meeting up round mine and playing with playdough???? Freind A has been a good freind for about 15 years. I feel like we are usually ok. but is it time to say byebye

OP posts:
TheLeftFelanji · 10/03/2010 22:00

*friend (in all cases) sorry about spelling

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityhat · 10/03/2010 22:02

Sorry, lost the plot about half way through second para. Its all a bit long ...

Can you summarise?

junglist1 · 10/03/2010 22:04

Fiend A sounds really insecure, and if it's your hunch she wants you to herself you're probably right. I have made a good mate at school whose older fiend now hates me because I'm in the way. It's so juvenile

SixtyFootDoll · 10/03/2010 22:08
Biscuit
TheLeftFelanji · 10/03/2010 22:10

lol friend A (MY BEST FRIEND) doesn't want me having friend B round on Friday (... without her?) Can't really work out what her problem is. Does she feel left out? She seems to have become very jealous and possesive of me and of friend B. Is she insecure?

OP posts:
CarGirl · 10/03/2010 22:11

yes she sounds insecure and doesn't want to miss out.

Some people never grow out of it!

AmericanHag · 11/03/2010 02:56

Is it possible to only see Friend A and B separately? Doesn't sound like you should ever try to get the three of you together.

Next time you make plans with Friend B, you should both agree not to let Friend A interfere in any way. In fact, neither of you should tell her about it. She'll just try to make trouble and it isn't her business anyway.

gtamom · 11/03/2010 04:43

She sounds jealous, and manipulative. I wouldn't bother letting her know when you and friend B are getting together in future.

Stripycat23 · 11/03/2010 12:10

Your Best friend is jealous. Why should you only have one friend? And why should you keep rearranging schedules to fit her? Go out with Friend B by yourself, who knows she may become Best Friend instead.

WebDude · 11/03/2010 12:20

Must admit I was getting a touch confused, but if friend A is more often a "no show" then it's either because she's just too involved with her own plans/happening and forgets, or that she resents her time with OP being shared with someone else (friend B).

Does seem she is jealous and just stirring things up when it comes to attempting to arrange some alternative 'get together'.

Would suggest she not be invited when friend B is invited, and friend A not be told when friend B has made plans with you, OP.

If she doesn't know, it won't upset her !

Agree with Stripycat, you should not need to rearrange to meet demands of friend A, and as for how many friends, that's entirely your business. Heck, sounds like friend A would be miffed if you went to some MN 'get together' if ever there is one in your area.

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