AIBU to not be enthusiastic about friend's 30th birthday party when I'm going to be 8.5 months pregnant?

[Liloosmum]

A good friend is going to be 30 soon when i will be 8.5 months pregnant. She is having a party at her house to celebrate. I'm already feeling tired and and in bed by 9.30 so the thought of a party doesn't appeal. I have said that we probably will go, but that we won't stay late.

We have a 3 year old daughter and normally I would get my mum to babysit, but it's my niece's christening the following day so my Mum's going to be busy doing things for that. So we'll have to take our daughter with us and hopefully get her to go to sleep upstairs.

We've then got the christening to go to the day after the party and I know it's going to be a long and tiring day and ideally I'd like an early night the night before.

I have invited my friend and her husband around for dinner one evening the week before her birthday but she said unfortunately they were not free.

My friend has said that I'm not to worry about being the only person not drinking because she's got 2 other friends who are due a couple of weeks before me who are going to the party. I know it's the first baby for at least one of these other friends so she can sleep whenever she likes and hasn't got a toddler to run around after.

Sorry for the long post, but I think I've upset my friend for not wanting to go to her party, but she's upset me too and just wanted to know what anyone else thought!

Why did she upset you? It doesn't sound like she's done anything wrong. I can see she would be a bit upset that you don't want to go - I think I would in her place, particularly if she's a good friend. I know it's hard when you're heavily pregnant and looking after another child, but could you ask your partner to take your dd out that afternoon so you can sleep beforehand?

Liloosmum - YANBU in my opinion. I would not expect anyone to turn up to any party whether or not but especially when heavily pregnant. I think its unfair to expect people to have enforced jollity for our benefit if they are not feeling up to it - for whatever reason. Parties are meant to be fun and enjoyable aren't they? Things are usually only fun when you actually want to do them and are not being forced or coerced into doing them - I bet this is a controversial opinion and i will hget slated but its how I feel so ner! Haha!

I think she's upset me because she's more or less said that if her other heavily pregnant friends are up to it then I should be too. And I'm also not sure that I believe that they're busy every night the week before her birthday. It's still a couple of months away so would have thought they'd be free for one evening.

I have said we'll probably go and leave early (ideally I'll like to be on the way home by about 10ish, it's a 30 minute drive) and by that point she'll probably be having such a good time that she won't notice anyway.

Oh dear - have you tried explaining to your friend that every pregnancy is different and that what goes for her other friends doesn't necessarily go for you too? Point out how much of a difference already having a child to care for makes.

If she's a good friend, she'll understand and forgive. She may not like it, she may think you are being a flake, but as long as she keeps those opinions to herself and you can carry on your friendship beyond this party, then you both should be anle to live with whatever decision you make.

Sorry, I think YABU (and I am 36 weeks pregnant with my 3rd, and I don't have great sleepers for kids or particularly easy pregnancies, so I do get it, honestly I do)

I'd be upset if you were my friend. Saying you'll go but you'll leave early is frankly a miserable response to an invitation. It would have been better to go but just leave when you need to rather than announce that you are not going to have a good time 2 months in advance. 30 is a bit of a landmark, and if she is going to the effort of having a party she will be hurt if her friends don't want to go.

Sorry, I think YABU (and I am 36 weeks pregnant with my 3rd, and I don't have great sleepers for kids or particularly easy pregnancies, so I do get it, honestly I do)

I'd be upset if you were my friend. Saying you'll go but you'll leave early is frankly a miserable response to an invitation. It would have been better to go but just leave when you need to rather than announce that you are not going to have a good time 2 months in advance. 30 is a bit of a landmark, and if she is going to the effort of having a party she will be hurt if her friends don't want to go.

Did the doctors mention rubella/German measles?

Have a look here

I don't think YABU- I missed my best friend's hen night for the same reason! It was my first baby and I was suffering from high blood pressure/ hugely swollen/ daily check-ups, but I don't think she ever really truly forgave me for it! Having said that, we are still friends!

Christ sorry. Posted that in the wrong thread . Now where's the delete button on this forum.................

yes but jooly you were ILL
OP is just anticipating that she might be a bit tired the next day

Sorry I think YABU. As mazzy said, it would have been more polite to be enthusiastic about her invitation then leave quietly if you felt you had to.

It is her 30th so a pretty memorable birthday and obviously she is excited about it.

I wouldnt have thought a Christening would be too much of a long day either tbh.

Sorry I think YABU. As mazzy said, it would have been more polite to be enthusiastic about her invitation then leave quietly if you felt you had to.

It is her 30th so a pretty memorable birthday and obviously she is excited about it.

I wouldnt have thought a Christening would be too much of a long day either tbh.

Obviously she's excited about it and I am for her as well. I suppose I didn't think that me leaving early would make that much difference to her.

I'm seeing her on Saturday. Should I say anything else about it? Any suggestions? I don't want to make it any worse!

Oh just be enthusiastic when she talks about it
See if she brings it up and if so - say you are just a bit tired at the moment but of course you will be there.

And then wait and see - because you might have a second wind and loads of energy at 37 weeks . Or you might have had the baby already!

Btw are you about 28 weeks? - there's a big hormone surge around then, often a growth spurt, and consequently a knakered phase. Hope you feel better soon.

Yes I was 28 weeks on Monday and have felt even more knackered than usual this week and quite fed up too! I guess I should have put off replying about her party until I was feeling less fed up.

Sorry OP but I think YABU. Am nearly 38 weeks pg with 2 preschool children. I have awful rib pain every day which means I can barely stand after about 5pm but wouldn't have missed my best friend's various 30th birthday celebrations for the world, including being out til midnightish 2 nights. (She turned 30 last week).

I do get that you'll be tired but you honestly don't know HOW you'll be feeling on the day until you get there. I would phone say sorry for being a bit grumpy and that you're really looking forward to it. If you have to leave early on the night then so be it, but you can make that decision there and then rather than being just a teensy bit precious about it right now.

FWIW I was a LOT more fed up about being pregnant at 28 weeks than I am now at 38.

Sorry OP, I also think YABU.

I think you should apologise when you see her this weekend, and say the invite came at a time when you were feeling run down. Say that you will be there, and delighted to celebrate with her.

Then, on the night, leave early if you need to, with minimal fuss, AFTER having been there and made a good fuss of her. Try and get early nights the other nights of that week, rest as much as you can. I can't imagine the christening will be exactly an all night rave the night after, either?

I know your pregnancy is all consuming to you. But this milestone feels the same to her, and she will remember this in years to come if you snub her. If this really is a good friendship that you want to keep, the I think you need to be a bit flexible this one day.

Mazzy has put it perfectly. You have made yourself sound like a right miserable sod!

YANBU. I'm having a similar-ish problem. It's my best friend's 26th birthday in a couple of weeks and she would like me to come. She lives a 3 hour journey away by bus and train, which would mean an overnight stay, and I'm still breastfeeding 10mo DS, including several times at night.

I could leave DS down in London with DH, or I could take him up with me and my friend has promised her mum can take care of him whilst we're out. I'm not comfortable with either option, not for PFB reasons, but practicality-wise. Given how often DS is still breastfed, I would either need to take him with me so I can feed him, or take my pump with me so I don't get engorged. This means I would need to leave the party at least twice, if not more, and I really don't think I would be able to relax and enjoy myself. Pumping is usually a PITA for me, but even moreso if I'm somewhere I don't feel comfortable. DS is clingy and his sleeping patterns are terrible, even moreso when he's in unfamiliar surroundings.

I still don't know how to broach this with my friend, and I need to let her know today if I'm coming or not.

Sorry for the hijack, but I really don't think YABU. Pregnancy is exhausting, let alone in the final trimester, coupled with a toddler to contend with in unfamiliar surroundings. I don't think it's so terrible of you telling her you'll have to leave early - I think it's polite to let her know so she doesn't have any unrealistic expectations on the night of how long you'll stay. Hope it works out for you (and me!)

If you don't think you can manage it - then don't.

One day your friend might be pregnant and hopefully she will understand.

I agree with others who have said go& leave early if necessary.

Just because you are tired now doesn´t mean you will be then.

Making excuses now sounds as if you don´t want to go/aren´t interested.

Hmmmm, I would be more concerned with having to take your 3 year old DD to a house party, putting her to sleep upstairs (how will that be poss?), waking her to travel home at 10pm then making this child go to a (long, tiring day - your words) family party the next day.

Perhaps she should be the focus more than your tired, pregnant self?

I don't get why your three year old can't stay home with her dad?

Surely your friend would prefer you to be there without him than not at all?

Sorry but YABU.

And I'm pg with mumber 3, looking forward to my own 30th when I'll be 35 weeks.

I got married when I was 32 weeks with number 2!!!

FGS why is it such a big deal if one guest doesn't go to the bloody party?

Since when did we live in a dictatorship where if you receive a party invitation you HAVE to go? There is surely some choice involved here.

I would feel the same as you and agree too with the person who said it would be very tricky with your 3 year old.

If your friend cares so little for your feelings then stuff her, she'll get over it.

It is always possible, that when the time comes you will want to go then great. If not, what's the big deal? Your friend sounds selfish and completely unempathic to me.