To put my foot down over how much he drinks while we're TTC?

[AnnieDelores]

Help I've just had a massive fight with my other half over drinking.

We have been undergoing fertility analysis. It turns out I'm fine and ovulating normally but he has very low normal sperm forms (just 3%) an "ok" sperm count and "ok" motility.

We've been TTC since July. He used to be a heavy drinker but has now cut down to a beer plus half a bottle of wine 2 or 3 nights per week.

My big problem is....and the reason for the fight.....he is going to a gig tomorrow night and the boys will be drinking from 7pm till arouind midnight. This will probably consist of at least 8 pints each. I've told him I don't think he should go unless he has the guts to tell them he can't drink that much because it will mess up his sperm quality....but you know what men are like.

What do you suggest I do? I'm really stressed out that he will go out and drink 6 or 7 pints because he's out with his old drinking buddies.....and his drinking history isn't good. He says he'll "just have a few beers" and that I need to trust him to do that because he really wants a baby too.

He hardly goes out socialising at all because he was made redundant a year ago and is struggling to get his own consultancy business off the ground. That's why I feel its important he gets out every now and then because otherwise he'll be miserable.

But...........going out with boys means booze....6,7,8,9, pints of it.....and that will mess up his sperm count and quality and may already be the reason we can't conceive.

Any advice?

Annie

Cant really advise you as such hun but do forget 12 months is average to concieve.
Its a trying time and as much as you try not to let it take over your life it does!!

Is this gig aroud your ovulation?? if not i would say dont worry to much about it it must b awful in his position knowing that it's him with the prob.
I got my hubby on zinc while we wer ttc as had heard it was good for the lttle fellas

good luck

Chill out if it's an occasional thing. Nothing less erotic than moaning at each other. Big picture and all that. 'Putting your foot down' sounds unpleasantly controlling as an attitude, tbh.

Blokes are not going to tell other blokes that they are firing blanks.They are not going to tell them thats why they are sticking to low alchol beer..Just drop the subject completely, otherwise he will drink just to piss you off and it will.

I suggest you let him be a grown up and let him make his own decisions. I would imagine he realises that with such a low level of normal forms its fairly unlikely you will concieve naturally anyway.

I sympathise with you I really do. We have been TTC number 2 for nearly 2 years now. We found out recently that my DH has a similar problem but with low count and motility.

Dh has since given up alcohol completely, and intends to continue for the foreseeable future.

I haven't pestered him at all to do this, it's completely his idea. He was v shocked and upset when he found out it was his problem and I think he would do anything to try and improve it.

In fact I'm the one with doubts that what he's doing will make any difference, as when we conceived DD 3 years ago (she was accident believe it or not) he drank regularly, smoked socially, had a hot bath every day and cycled a lot (which are all supposed to be bad things for sperms).

We have no idea if he had any problems with his sperm then, but it is likely as our consultant can't find any reason why they would have deteriorated so much since then. It's all a mystery and it appears sperms are complicated things...

Please try not to get too stressed about it. I know how hard it is when you desperately want a baby. You have to trust your DH to do what he says and cut back on his drinking. Nagging him is only going to add to his and your stress levels and anxiety about the whole thing, which lets face it is stressful enough as it is...

back off.
he should be able to do what he wants on a night out .

You have hyperfocussed on having a baby and forgotten that your husband is more than just a bag of sperm.

He is a human being, and has the right to have a life, and the right to make the choices in his own life. He's not your personal sperm bank.

If he was doing it every night that would be one thing. But you're asking him to forego the occasional fun night with his mates in the (really quite small) hopes that it'll make the difference with conceiving.

He's already stressed. He's been made redundant, you're having trouble conceiving, he's been told he's got low motility and it's hard for that not to do a number on a man's self esteem, I think.

Try and remember that you're in this together and he's a person who you love and value in his own right and not just for his sperm.

It's a tough time. Good luck.

yabu.

You sound unhealthily obsessed and controlling tbh.

"that will mess up his sperm count and quality and may already be the reason
we can't conceive." There is absolutely no way to know that. Actually very little is known about sperm and what affects it.

But apart from anything else, knowing that he has a low sperm count will in itself have a huge impact on how your dh feels about himself. It is not on for you to rub that in by making selfish demands like this.

As an aside, how did you manage to get all the tests given you've only been ttc for eight months? Most gp's won't refer until you've been ttc for over a year.

and - "I'm fine and ovulating normally" have you had all tests? scans to ensure your tubes are not blocked? etc etc?

Because you do sound a bit smug that "all is fine with me " but that "his sperms count is low and motility is ok."

I sincerely doubt that after only eight months of ttc you really have had all the tests that confirm there is absolutely no reason why you yourself can't conceive.

He is an adult and is allowed to do whatever he likes with his body.

If he tells you he wants a baby as well and will not drink too much you have two choices. Either believe him or not. If you don't believe him and can't treat him as an adult then maybe he isn't the best choice to have a baby with.

If my DH was under the impression he could "put his foot down" over my actions he would be in for a very nasty shock indeed.

There is nothing more likely to kill the mood for sex than pressure to "produce".

Chill out, 8mths isn't that long. My first one took 2 years and the second took 8mths.

Crikey, this is the 3rd thread of this I've read this morning.

Ok. Fair enough. I got myself too worked up. I think its because I'm ovulating today and that sent me into a panic.....that and my trust issues because he's not been entirely honest with me in the past, although he's been fantastic recently.

He's just gone out the door to the gig in my car so he won't drink ..........his idea not mine. So, looks like he thought about it and made his own decision in the end and I'm glad about that.

WannaBe, we had the blood tests early because my partner had the tests 3 or 4 years ago and had a problem then. He didn't tell me this....I found out through a spiteful ex-girlfriend of his who decided to text me the information! So, we simply asked his GP to repeat the test.

Thanks for your "straight talking". Harsh but fair.....although there is lots of context and background to this I didn't share but maybe should have done.

Annie