Supportive or Not

[LostinLondon]

My kids and I are doing a charity run and have emailed all and sundry asking kindly for sponsorships. My oldest and closest friend (also godmother to DS 1) doesn't want to sponsor us. I felt a bit miffed that she was quite happy for me to pay trainfare to visit her (as I was about to do) but wouldn't dip into her own pocket for me and I told her as much (in a jokey way). She responded that it was not up to me to tell her which charity to give to and to get over it.
Actually she's right - but the point is not about me telling her what charity to give to, it's about her supporting me, her friend, when I've just been through something crappy.
I wasn't expecting a fortune, just a token but her attitude has really shocked me.
AIBU???????

YABU. I give each month to a charity that means a lot to me. Plus other ad hoc donations. Do you have any idea how many requests I get to ask for sponsorship from friends?? I cannot remember the last time I sponsored anyone.....the only exception being those who run the London marathon. i take my hats off to anyone putting themselves through sheer torture.

the key here is that you "kindly" asked for sponsorship - this means that people are allowed to say YES or NO .... you implied to them that they had a choice. If you wanted your friend to sponsor you needed to have said, "look I need £5 from you to sponsor me" - that way you are telling them - you can't ask a question, let the person answer and THEN say THEY are being unreasonable! So i think her attitude is actually okay, she has responded like an adult to a question you asked her - you need to look at reframing either a question or a demand!

Sorry you've been through something crappy. Presumably your beef is with her attitude to what you've been through, rather then the sponsorship issue?

Of course YABU.

If she gives just "a token" then she is supporting the charity of your choice.

I agree with your friend - its not for you to tell her which charities to support.Last year we has several friends do the Race For Life and sponsored all of them so I've just been thinking about your issue. I was happy to sponsor them A) because they were friends and B) because it was for a charity we already support. I am just wondering how I would have felt if it was for a charity I had no time for.I think there are some charities I would not be happy to give to.That is not a reflection on how I feel about my friends, after all the money is not for them personally. I don't think support necessarily has to be monetary.

yabu

YABU, but I can see why you would be a bit miffed.

What? Er YANBU!! What's wrong with giving money to a charity that wouldn't be your first choice??

Well she's not a best mate then. I don't have spare cash at all but would dig out a fiver for a friend without getting petty over the charity

Actually OP does your friend have everyone asking her for sponsorship left right and centre??

No your friend doesn't have to sponsor you if she doesn't want to, however she doesn't sound very supportive of you either.

Perhaps she could have worded it in a better, more supportive way, ie Good luck to you and DC's on your run. Sorry I'm not going to sponsor you because I already give to X,Y,Z and can't do them all.

Is she being crushed under the weight of charity donations LostinLondon?

I think you are BU. Having sent out the email you should have left it at that, and then people just choose to sponsor you or not. Following up by "reminding" your friend was pushy. She is free to sponsor who and what she likes. We are asked to sponsor a huge quantity of people so our reaction is yes if it is a charity we support, and just say nothing if not.

YABU

I honestly don't "get" the "making me give to a charity not of my choosing" thing - most charities are deserving whether you already support them or not - places raising funds for "something dodgy" don't get charitable status.

I can't think of any charity that any friend was doing anything for that I would actively refuse to sponsor them because I don't agree with the charity.

YABU - if I'm going to donate to charity I will choose the charity I want, not the one that is running an event that a friend is participating in (especially if they are participating in a convenient event rather than one for a charity that they are particularly attached to).

Her giving the money or not does not affect your running in any way. If she was encouraging you to ditch your training runs and eat cake instead that would be unsupportive.

She'll pay your trainfare to visit her and you're calling her unsupportive as sh doesn't like your chosen charity?
YABVU.

I give a lot to charity, and am on a strict budget. I will give to my charities, there are some I would never dream of giving money to for various reasons, no matter who asked me.

Thanks for all comments. I do agree that you shouldn't feel obliged to sponsor someone/give to charity - it should be a personal choice that you make yourself not forced by someone else.
I think one of my issues with this is the lack of support she is offering to me, as her friend, but also to my son who is doing the run and who is the godchild of this friend. Maybe I'm being unreasonable expecting her to sponsor us but I think I also need to look at our friendship a bit more closely!