wiht a friend's DIL

[fallon8]

friends and I have made it plain, if ,you both "go out to work",we are not providing free child care. So, yesterday,we are all set to go out,then that bloody phone call, would it be possible to pick upgrandchld,we umed and aahed for a bit,but eventually said yes. We enterained said chld aged 3.for a couple of hours, when we could have been doing something much more interesting, we made easter chicks, out of yellow pom poms,Child thrilled, DIL. less so, what would have happened if she had got some bits in her mouth,there is glue and scissors etc, Anyway, we told her not to be so precious,get over it and dont ask us again to look after your child. So, exit, one crying child because she isnt allwoed easter chicken due to health and safety, furious DIL,for "upsetting" child, 2 older ladies reaching for Gin bottle and saying," what on earth did he see in her,really, he could have done so much better" OH, her own mother,on cruise,she refuses to be a cheap nanny too.

Bit sad, IMO.

When I was born, my "big" gran (dad's mum) made it plain she wouldn't be babysitting etc. My "wee" gran (my mum's mum) was more than happy to look after me to let my mum go back to work p/t. She also insisted that my parents go out together for a drink on a Saturday night (and often had to lend them money to do so!) and she babysat for me every week. I had a fantastic relationship with her, and both my mum and dad really valued her. In fact, my dad ended up closer to his MIL than he was to his own mum, and he was the one who went every night to visit her when she did eventually end up in a nursing home.

As I got older, my big gran tried to buy my affections- she had more money than my wee gran, and bought me lots of stuff, and was always trying to get us over to visit and moaning about how lonely she was when she retired. But it's not a relationship you build overnight. Even as a child I wasn't stupid- I knew who had always been there for me, as did my parents. She got quite bitter about the whole thing, and I think she wished she hadn't been quite so selfish in the earlier years. You get out what you put in, though. Hope you don't live to regret not being more involved with your grandchildren, but you are right- the decision is yours, and I'm sure your family will have got the message loud and clear.

You aren't being at all unreasonable. Your DIL sounds evil, and you the very image of a perfect MIL. How very dare she have an education, job, speak to your blessed son as an equal, or be interested in your DH's opinions.

Tell me, do you drink a LOT of gin...?

For JMM et al..it only became my business because it interfered with our plans.

Dress it up how you like,,time alone with GC,bonding, getting to know them etc..boils down to t.he same, as grandparents,we are not expected to have lives of our which dont means we are not on tap to look after YOUR children.Its nature way of saying,Im ot meant to have small children anymore,dont get me started on IVF for 60 yr olds!!
No,I dont drink Gin, No, Im not against mothers having a paid job outside the home,providing it doesnt impinge on me and my activities.Im really quite amenable.
Im off now for a weeks holiday, with 2 dogs. One of them a Guide Dog Puppy Im bringing up,always a draw for kids, especially in shops and eating places,yes I do allow them to talk to the dog providing, the person in charge of them is agreeable, Im not actaully working the dog.
Have fun , I still laughing about Monday and the hazards of a woolly chicken.

I see nothing wrong with not wanting to be free, last minute childcare. There's a difference between spending time with little'uns and being the back up plan. You wouldn't expect others to give up their plans because you need childcare so why is it okay to expect grandparents too?

My only Nan refused to take me and my sisters on when we were younger and it's never damaged our relationship with her, I'm a right nanny's girl My Mum has already stated that she won't be looking after mine and my sisters future kids because she has a life, and that's fair enough, I'd feel rude asking her to change her plans to suit me.

But if any of the grandparents looked after the kids last minute I wouldn't be an ungrateful little cow who complains about a 3yr old with scissors and pom poms when my child clearly had a good time.

So troll or not if this is real then I don't see the huge problem with it: OP had plans, cancelled them to look after the child, child had a blast, DIL was a PITA at pick up and very rude, OP now feeling silly for being the back up plan and miffed at DILs reaction.

You let you grandchildren 'share' eggy bread with the cat

That is gross!

DIL was a PITA but good grief, thinnk of all the grandparents who never see their grandchildren, for whatever reason!

I can't wait to be a grandma. Although ds is 9 so I imagine I'll have to wait a few years

Otter - You HOPE you will have to ait a few years :D

Oh, I think the DIL getting irate over making chicks is nuts. And I actually approve myself of animals around kids; exposure to germs builds the immune system. ds and the dog share food and I hate it, but only because the dog is on a special diet and I worry about her. Doggie germs do ds good. I also sympathise with anyone who doesn't want kids or to care for them at any age. Why should they? They didn't have them.

It wasn't any of that I thought unpleasant - it was the litany of criticism of the DIl for other reasons, that actually seemed quite revealing. About your own insecurities, resentments and jealousies, rather than her, bluntly.

As to gin - if you don't drink it, why were you reaching for the bottle in your op?

This is mumsnet. You get more DIL here than MIL. If you wanted to complain about the health and safety hysteria then that'd have got you sympathy; you lost me when you muttered about BOTH working before crowing about your sought-after brilliant son's RAF career and sneering at your DIL's education and job. Basically you were really nasty about her for reasons that had nothing to do with the chick-making, and if you were my MIL, you'd have no worries about childcare, on this occasion or any other, I assure you.

Ah, I dunno Violet. A friend recently became a grandma at 45 and I am really quite

In a few years time there'll be a thread: "AIBU to think my MIL should stop nagging me to have babies?"

shade of violet..I know the cat was really miffed, Basil wanted all of it for himself,esepcially as he was on the sofa first.

You sound utterly horrible. I wouldn't want you anywhere near my children. I think you will be a very lonely old lady.

Just curious, on the sharing food with dog thing, has anybody seent hat episode of mythbusters where they tested the germ build up from human saliva and dog saliva? The human saliva ended up being dirtier than the dog's, if that helps put some minds at ease