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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think a 4.5 year old should be able to walk for 20 mins?

27 replies

lucysullivan · 09/03/2010 14:24

After putting it of for years (major phobia) I've started learning to drive. However, I think it is going to take me a long time to be anywhere near taking my test. Of course this means that until I do pass my test (and I'm hoping I will pass one day!) ds and I have to use public transport or walk. It was OK when ds was in his pushchair because obviously it didn't affect him, but now that he has to walk (he's way to big for me to carry) he just complains and moans constantly.

Today we walked to the park, quite a nice day, which was about 20 mins away and he complained the whole way, kept saying why couldn't we go in the car (DH drives us around at weekends in our car) it was to far for him to walk, said he was 'to little' to walk such a long way and generally made me feel crap. Worse thing was when he said 'mummy why can't you drive, everyone else can' .

In my own mind I think a 4.5 year old should be able to walk for 20 mins, when I was his age my mum didn't drive and we had to walk everywhere. Just feeling guilty I guess that my 4 year old throws my driving incompetence in my face.

OP posts:

waitingforbedtime · 09/03/2010 14:29

Oh just let him moan, he'll get over it. Ds has been walking for longer than that since he was below 2.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 09/03/2010 14:33

It's good for him! We have 2 dogs, so my children have had to walk miles every day since they were pushed climbed out of the pushchair. Ds (2.4) walks about half the walk now (which must be about 20-30 minutes- at his pace, sigh!) I've always been proud that my kids are good walkers, tbh. dd2 is 4.9 and does occasionally moan on our hour long walk, but I am really mean and don't listen!

ActuallyMyNamesMarina · 09/03/2010 14:33

Ignore him - it's little people blackmail . My DD (7) does this at weekends/school days when I'm home - her legs hurt, it's a long way to walk to school (it's a 25 minute walk)as I drive but DP doesn't.

She walks and enjoys it, just likes to try it on. My DS walks everywhere still (and he is 19, doesn't think twice about it.He started learning to drive but wasn't interested.

Keep him walking., thinkk about the good habit you getting him into. Your carbon footprint will be tiny as well.

potplant · 09/03/2010 14:35

"Just feeling guilty I guess that my 4 year old throws my driving incompetence in my face." Sorry but I had to laugh at this!

Bet he's got enough energy for running in the park once he gets there! He'll soon get used to it.

cruelladepoppins · 09/03/2010 14:36

Been there! I remember the frustration.

Could the speed at at which you walk be more of an issue than the distance? Could you distract by looking out for interesting things along the way ("let's see how many [whatever he's interested in] we can spot today?")

What about a scooter? My DN could go for great distances on one of those when walking seemed to be a great trial. Or one of those wee trikes with a handle on?

Morloth · 09/03/2010 14:38

He will get over it/used to it. DS has been out of the buggy since about 2.5 and walks everywhere.

Scooters are great because they mean you can maintain a normal adult pace and they can keep up.

CantSleepWontSleep · 09/03/2010 14:42

He should be able to walk that far quite easily IMO, yes. But scooters are a good way of covering the distance without it seeming like such hard work. Apart from the fact that you end up carrying the scooter half way, so make sure that you get a light one!

I would tell him that even when you can drive you will be walking to the park, so that he learns that the fact that you can't drive is irrelevant to this situation.

Miggsie · 09/03/2010 14:44

DD would walk round the whole of Wisely RHS gardens at this age including tearing up and down that very big hill...about 3 hours she was running and walking.
My dad and I were exhausted in comparison!

So we all had cakes...!

At first they winge about not being in the car, now DD says in surprise "we're taking the car?!"

allaboutme · 09/03/2010 14:44

My 4.5 yr old is the same, he whinges about walking 10 mins home from pre school!!
My just turned 2 yr old will happily walk twice the distance without complaining though.
Scooter is a lifesaver!!

Original poster

lucysullivan · 09/03/2010 14:53

He does have a scooter and a bike, and I've tried taking these with us when we walk but he still moans! I keep telling myself its good for him (and me!) to walk, lots of fresh air, exercise etc but then can't sleep at night for worrying when am I going to pass my test so I can drive us places

Good to know that it's not an unreasonable expectation for him to be able to walk this far!

OP posts:

MudandRoses · 09/03/2010 23:14

The moaning will fade if you just point out that he's just using up his energy like that, and it isn't going to help. And keep emphasising how much stronger he;s getting; how much stronger/faster he'll be than kids who get driven everywhere.
And try to make the walks fun - races; time him to run to the next lamp-post and see if he can beat that time next time; eye-spy; shadow-pouncing (trying to step on each others' shadows)...

ChippingIn · 10/03/2010 01:17

I agree with CantSleepWontSleep, emphasise that you will still be walking to the park/school/shops - whatever - once you get your licence as it is good for you/good for the planet so, in fact, this has nothing to do with you not driving.

How far is it? 20 mins could be 1/4 of a mile or 2 miles... either way, at his age it shouldn't be a problem!! Most kids whine if they have to walk anywhere - some adults too - it's boring!! I walk cos it's good for me, not because I enjoy it and if I was being made to walk - I'd give him a run for his money with the whinging!!

JaneS · 10/03/2010 01:21

We used to walk to primary school and back every day. I deeply resented it, and repeatedly said how exhausted and furious the walk made me. Utter rubbish - I was lying through my teeth because I'd have preferred the car.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 10/03/2010 01:28

If it helps any, DS2 (19yo) recently went back to look at the area he lived in as a small child - we moved when he was 8. The walk to school that he recalled as "miles", and which "took ages" is in fact (to an adult) a five-minute stroll. Soooo much longer when there's so much to look at...

Neverchuckanokiaatthepm · 10/03/2010 02:11

Is your ds really Michael Winner (door to door limo service etc) . Seriously my ds was just like this at this age. As a matter of interest how long was your ds using the buggy? Good luck with the DT too
btw

gtamom · 10/03/2010 03:46

Yes, they definitely can.

sunnydelight · 10/03/2010 06:11

Sorry for the unsympathetic response, but a child that age is perfectly capable of walking for 20 minutes and needs to get short shrift if he moans. I don't actually agree with "most kids moan", most kids do what they know they will get away with. Our school makes a really big deal of "teaching resilience" which I found strange at first but they have a point: not everything in life is hunky dorey and the child who has coping strategies when things happen that they don't like will do better than the one who doesn't.

sparkle12mar08 · 10/03/2010 07:03

My only just four year old can walk/run for three hours. My youngest son could do 30 mins at 18months old. So yes, a 4.5yr old should be able to do 20mins without a second thought. I agree with the others though that childrens attitude to walking varies considerably

We've always done walks and rambles as a family since they were tiny, and I like you, don't drive either. I've walked them to childminder and school every single day since the eldest was a year old. And dh only ever uses the car for us at weekends if somewhere is genuinely to far to walk, so for us walking has been as much part of our daily life as eating frankly.

CSWS is spot on though that you need to help him understand that if/when you do have a license & car, that walking is sometimes still the best thing to do, and secondarily that moaning about it isn't acceptable.

Although I've had to change my own expectations about how to do this - I've had to accept that they can't walk at my pace all the time (v fast!), that I have to interact with them about where we're going, what we can see etc, that sometimes walking really is quite boring for a small person and that I have to make it more interesting for them. So rather than telling them to 'stop whining' all the time I find myself chatting like a loon about pretty leaves, magic hedges, amazing lorries etc. etc. etc!

Chandon · 10/03/2010 07:59

I didn´t have a car (and driving license ) until my DC were 5! So I know what it´s like.

They get used to it. Always allow lots of time, have little breaks if needed, and he´ll get over it! Our school run was 30 mins. Keeps everyone healthy too .

IwantamotorbikeNOW · 10/03/2010 11:17

He will soon get used to it and will soon be able to walk even further.
With regards to your driving capabilities does that mean you intend to drive to the park when you have passed your test? Why doesn`t hubby walk with you instead of driving you all to the park. That way DC wont be able to compare and thrown it in your face. It wont make any difference whether you drive or not you are all capable of walking! Family bike rides etc are good for you all. Your DC is following the example set for him by you and DH. If you stay out of the car he wont think about going in it.

posieparkerfuckityfuck · 10/03/2010 11:19

My eight year old moans more than my three year old about walking, in fact when my dd was two she stopped going in a pushchair....

Morloth · 10/03/2010 11:20

It is amazing how they can whinge about walking around, but still have plenty of energy for running/climbing etc when actually at the park!

nickytwotimes · 10/03/2010 11:21

He'll get over it!

I am also learning to drive and ds was walked everywhere and too heavy to carry or push from about 2.5 yrs. He used to moan. Doesn't now. And will happily walk 3 hrs round a park if there are 'treasures' to find. He is 3.7.

Bet the next one won't walk the length of him/herself.

EspeciallyForYou · 10/03/2010 14:13

You're certainly not the only person who can't drive/doesn't have a car! My finances make it extremely unlikely that I'll be driving any time soon and I don't feel bad in the slightest that we walk or get public transport everywhere.

Good for you for starting lessons, I hope you can make some progress and get over your phobia.

BeehiveBaby · 10/03/2010 14:20

I can't drive and like to get out and about. Since we dropped the buggy for DD1 it has been a nightmare of moaning and tears and lectures. I really felt that she should walk just because. It's what you do! Anyway, scrap that, sticker chart has changed our lives. We have walking,skipped hopping and runnng to get the stickers on the chart. Not exactly in line with my parenting philosopy ut it does the job!

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