My DH has asked for my advice, and I honestly don?t know what the answer is so I thought I would ask for some opinions.
Background
DH was divorced about 7 years ago. He has three older teenage children who live with his ex in their former home-a four bedroomed detached house in Surrey. DH gave his ex the house plus a substantial settlement, and of course pays monthly money to her for all three children (although she uses this money for herself). Ex had a boy friend for three years who may now be off the scene. Relations between my DH and his ex will always be very strained and abrupt.
I met DH two years after his divorce and we are now very happily married with 2 small children. We see all DH?s children regularly. His eldest son is about to start University in September.
Problem
DH doesn?t know what to do about DS who is nearly 19. He has applied to several Uni?s in the South East but clearly hopes to get a place at the one which is only a few miles from his current home. When asked, DS says he might move out and live in Halls. We think in September, he will almost certainly lapse into staying at home with his Mother, and brother and sister for all of his Uni time, and beyond.This is curious in some ways as he doesn't seem very happy there, as his Mother nags him fairly constantly. We want what is best for DS, and what will make him happy with as little acrimony as possible. We need advice on:
? Should we encourage him to spread his wings, and move out, or respect his decision to go to Uni near home?
? What should DH do about maintenance for DS when he leaves school in June ?still pay this to ex or give it to DS directly?
? How much maintenance is usual when children live at home/move into halls during Uni?