to think I can cope with returning to work on a four day week?

[mrsbean78]

This may be a crazy AIBU but I really need independent opinions.

I need to make a decision about my return to work this week as the childcare we have chosen needs a commitment from us re: specific days etc.

My ds is 3 months at present.

I work in the public sector and had intended to go back to work on a 5 day fortnight (2 days one week, 3 days the next), leaving one day over to complete my MSc (while keeping this flexible so that I could also spend it with ds if I wanted).

This arrangement would have involved keeping a higher paid fixed term contract and giving up a lower paid permanent contract (both .5).

However, dh's work has become less secure due to the recent loss of some major contracts by his company. It's complicated but the sector in which he works has relatively few bases in the UK and if he does lose his job and he intended to continue in his current career, we woud need to relocate and it might be difficult to sell our house.

So.. now I am looking at going back 4 days.
Is this unreasonable:

a) because my ds will be in daycare longer than I would like and would feel was developmentally optimal for him (4 full days for a 9 month old) and I should be going back LESS e.g. 3 days

or

b) beccause financially we may be jeapordised if dh loses his job and I should be going back MORE e.g. 5 days

I think both are true btw. I just need others' opinions..

Is this decision 6 months away? When do you need to tell them?

Manager says I don't have to give a date until 8 weeks before I return (which would be start July) but - and this is a direct cut and paste from her email:

If you want to change that & work flexibly ( not full time as you were), then that is fine- as you know- but I need 8 weeks notice. MORE WOULD BE GOOD!!

She is due to renegotiate the terms and conditions of the fixed term contract part of my job in the next month so the implication when we spoke was that she wanted some sort of commitment now..

AND

competition for childcare is crazy around here and I need to give the provider a definite answer re: days I want to book him in for.. well.. last week..

So must make the decision asap

Book him in for 4 days with the childcare provider and then you can always give notice if things pan out differently and you don't need the extra day.

I wouldn't worry about it too much - if things go pearshaped with DH's job you reconsider your options then. If DS is unhappy and you're worrying about the time he spends in childcare, again, review it when the time comes. Nothing is fixed and final.

I think 4 days is pretty good - what would you do realistically if your DH lost his job ? Would your income cover essential bills, would he like to stay home for a bit, or would you have to move for him to get another job or is he interested in changing path ?

well, lots of women go back to work ft when their children are much younger. so, no matter how much you want to spend time with your ds, it is you who will miss him, he won't grow up scarred for life by being in nursery 4 days a week. being around for the long term is what matters the most. when you add up all the holidays, weekends etc, you will be the major influence in his life, so keep that in mind when making a decision.

if your dh has an insecure job, it causes stress. if he then loses his job, it sound like you would end up in a v difficult situation. i have been through this a lot, and have ended up moving 4,000 for dh to keep his job. from my experience, i'd say that having a second reliable salary is v important, and that the effects of moving can take a couple of years to get over. if he loses his job, but you'e working 4 days, can you stay where you are? how would your dh feel about not working?

at least you have several weeks to think about it!

So, YANBU - millions of women cope with a 4,5 or 6 day week at work.

My "four day" income, combined with savings, would certainly keep us afloat while dh found something else or we chose to relocate. However, my "five day" income would be more comfortable and my dh can fixate on this a bit.

I think we are quite naive about the whole thing tbh. Although we are in our thirties, we have both only worked for one employer in our adult lives. To me, we are flailing and clueless when it comes to imagining the 'what ifs' involved in childcare/relocation etc. I don't think this is helped by the fact that neither of us is originally from the UK and at home, nearly everyone returns to work full-time, which makes me feel rather self-indulgent to be mourning the loss of my imagined three day week..

Mrsbean there are thousands of women on Mumsnet who verge from those who consider it unnatural to shut their DCs out when they use the toilet never mind go back to work, to the opposite end of the spectrum where anything more than 2 weeks maternity leave is considered excessive indulgence and full time working would be the minimum tolerated.

At the end of the day what matters is to come up with an arrangement you are all happy with. 4 days sounds like a reasonable compromise.

FWIW pretty much every employer I know is always happy to increase their employees hours, but very unlikely to decrease them once they are back. Therefore why not go for 4 days and then if financially there are issues then you can up it if you have to.

I know rookiemater.. was kind of interested in the exy=tremes, don't know what I think really. Good advice about the increasing of hours though..

pragmatically if you have mortgage and bills you go to work,no amount of angst ohh and ahh pays the bills.going to work will

nursery, personal opinion on what age and frequency.but imo not detrimental if you chose right nursery,but do be prepared for the face and comments from others

i took 6mth mat leave and returned ft, children ft nursery.i am happy with my arrahgement

as a couple you need to pull together in short term until his situation stabilises.then potentially review once things are stable

good luck whatever you chose.hope husband employment situation improve