so tired of arguing all of the time

[feeimcgee]

DH and I cannot seem to talk about the kids without falling out. I am not blaming him only, we are both at fault. It always turns into a blame game, with me usually being defensive and taking his comments personally. I am just so sick of it and feel drained and pretty upset today. The latest is suspected tooth decay in 4-year-old DD. Instead of talking about it, I ended up slamming the pone down on him, and he accused me of not taking responsibility. I want to suggest counselling, but does this seem like a complete over-reaction? I love him loads, and am not thinking about leaving or anything that drastic. But we should be able to bring the kids up in a reasonably happy household. It's just the usual things we argue about, but it's mainly the kids.

Do you always seem to disagree on things or do you both just feel the need for it to be someone's responsibility for certain things?

Tooth decay is no one's fault, did you keep a chart of who gave sweets when and how often they brushed their teeth? Of course not.

Parenting is a joint effort, not who is at fault more than the other.

Go out without the kids and talk it through, don't get defensive, hard I know, but parenting is not a blame game.

I think you should sit down and talk abuot the children- but arrange a time and place- and approach it like you would a buisness meeting.

No emotions, no blame but a swot anaylasis and action planning.

I would suspect you might be using the kids as an excuse to let off steam/ fight over something..

Do you feel equal in your relationship? Maybe one or other of you feel like you have to prove yourselves a lot..

DH and I went through a bit of this when DS was a baby.. seeing who could be more stressed etc.. It's a slippery slope..

I wonder if you argued a lot before. If not, then I think that having small children is a great strain

Are you having enough sleep ?

Are both of you happy with your roles (eg is one a SAHP ? is one of you not enjoying your job?)

Are you both happy with the amount of sex you are having ?

I agree with mamsnet - it's easy to get into an "I'm tireder than you" competition.