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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a huge family row about farts is ott?

64 replies

Mallenstreak · 07/03/2010 21:24

Went round in-laws last week. After lunch SIL turned up and had a few drinks. Our ds then farted and sil was outraged saying it was absolutely disgusting and why didn't we sort our son out! Dh said that it was only a natural bodily function and not to get so het up about it but she was having none of it. She said that it was terrible when people did this and that if her partner (who is also her boss) did it she would ditch him. I thought she must be kidding and asked her what if he let one slip by accident - she said she would still dump him! Dh said that she was being ridiculous and a huge row ensued with FIL joining in and getting almost apoplectic with rage as sil can do no wrong in his eyes. Ds was very upset so we left and have not heard from anyone since. I know ds should not have farted in the first place but can't believe all the kerfuffle about this.

OP posts:
WebDude · 07/03/2010 22:18

Loved the joke about the duchess and her butler.

Reminds me of a little cartoon drawing a friend (now passed away) had at his home...

Setting: dining room, party of 6 at table.

One of the (male) guests farts.

Man of the house "Sir, you've farted before my wife!" (red in face)

Man "I'm so sorry, I didn't know it was her turn!"

Cathpot · 07/03/2010 22:24

My gran on producing some huge trump will adopt defensive expression and declare:
'you cant hold what's not in your hand'

Tiredmumno1 · 07/03/2010 22:26

Haha you lot crack me up. Come on more jokes
And just say to your sil i am sorry i didnt realise you had your arse stitched up.
Just bide your time to get your own keep a careful eye if she burps/coughs without covering mouth - act mortified bout the germs

RedbinDippers · 07/03/2010 22:26

"Theres an app for that"

MudandRoses · 07/03/2010 22:43

at Kewcucumber. I cannot believe anyone could get so worked up over gas.
and that your SIL honestly believes her husband never farts?! WTF? And is she so unaware of her own sphincter that she believes SHE never passes gas? She must be rather anal (literally and metaphorically)

wrigglerstea · 07/03/2010 23:15

Allegedly the old Queen Mother (Queen Mary - current Queen's Grandmother) had difficulties with this and one of thee Butlers was in a habit of saying "excuse me" whenever she, er, let one go. At one banquet an American guest cottoned on to this, leant over to her and whispered "Ma'am, have the next one on me"!

nannynobnobs · 07/03/2010 23:23

Wow what a scene. SIL sounds like a right old boot. My family tend to give marks out of ten for farts or say something hugely witty such as:
Speak up Brown!
You've ripped it, now you'll have to buy it
Your horn's working, now test the wipers
Don't tear it, I'll take the whole piece
Keep shouting sir, we'll find you
etc, etc my nanna has tremendously loud farts.

PureAsTheColdDrivenSnow · 07/03/2010 23:25

ha, our family dinners always end up in fart jokes or similar. we're SO fecking classy...

So much so that my sister can't keep them in an ends up trumping at the table, which causes my Mum to almost wet herself and my Dad to get a bizarre and inapropriate grin on his face.

Your SIL should count herself lucky!

displayuntilbestbefore · 07/03/2010 23:27

I am for your SIL. She is missing out on one of the great pleasures of life, being alone in your own home with no-one around and being able to let them go as and when with no care for who might hear them.

tethersend · 07/03/2010 23:27

A young man is visiting his future wife's parent's house for dinner. He is incredibly nervous and not feeling too well, but he sits down for dinner anyway. The family dog, Rover, takes a seat under him and they start dinner.

The guy has terrible wind and really has to fart, so he lets out just a tiny one. The girlfriend's father says, "Rover! Get out!". The guy thinks this is really great; they think it's the dog! He lets a little bigger one this time. The father says, "Rover! Get out of there!" in a little harsher tone.

Relaxing, the guy finally decides to really let one rip, so he blasts away with a really long one. The father stands up and shouts "For fuck's sake Rover, get out of there before he shits on you!".

hmc · 07/03/2010 23:31

I hate farting - find it quite loathesome; it's the smell (gag). I quite like a deep breath of my own rectal emmissions though . If one of our immediate family farts we all express good natured disgust (oh you dirty beggar - must you...etc) and the offender generally sheepishly apologises. We do make an effort not to fart willfully in close proximity to each other - just as we don't pick our noses and compare bogeys.

That said, however, your SIL was distinctly OTT

JustAnotherManicMummy · 07/03/2010 23:31

Ar 10yo he should be able to control it. However a row seems a bit much.

I can still remember one of my teachers smacking the back of a boy's legs because he let one out in PE. We were 5.

displayuntilbestbefore · 07/03/2010 23:32

PMSL tethersend

JustAnotherManicMummy · 07/03/2010 23:32

thethersend.

sparklefrog · 07/03/2010 23:35

My DS was shouted at by his classmate for farting in class once.
Classmate told DS that farting was disgusting, and should only ever be done in a bathroom, with the door firmly closed.

Classmate's mother later heard about this and agreed with her DS, that farting was probably the worst thing someone could do in her house, and she even admitted to holding her wind in all weekend until it gave her stomach ache, so as not to fart infront of a new b/f she was having sex with!!

I always thought it strange that she would feel more comfortable having sex with a man than farting in his company, even discreetly farting, but I found it quite sad that she had taught her DS that farting was such a horrific thing to do.

BTW, both boys were 5 when this cropped up in conversation.

hmc · 07/03/2010 23:40

I think some people should wear incontinence pads though since they seem to have such relaxed anal sphincters (seemingly unable to control farts without physical pain ensuing) that the prospect of follow through after a fart is a real and present danger . Tis not difficult to stop a fart - mid flight as it were, for a few moments to find a suitable time / place to discharge it

PureAsTheColdDrivenSnow · 07/03/2010 23:44

I have something to admit... we have very long hallways at werk, I sit in reception, so obviously am not able to leak noxious gases..

I do love a good crop-dusting up the corridors though..

dignified · 08/03/2010 00:37

Will go against the grain here and say that i think farting around other people is disgusting and disrespectfull.
Natural bodily function yes , so is picking your ears, picking crows but its not something i want to see.

My dcs have thought it hilarious, but ive had big rows, they should go into the bathroom or whatever , away from others so that other people arent forced to smell their shit.

I can see shed be pissed off at having your son fart near her , so would i.

gtamom · 08/03/2010 04:40

YANBU
She was rude and over the top, but on the other hand, he is old enough to know to go to the bathroom, and to apologize if he passes wind in front of people.
I think your sil getting plastered in front of the children, causing a big drama and embarrassing the boy is a worse crime though.
Nice way to embarrass young nephew!

heQet · 08/03/2010 08:06

What is the nature of your son's sn? I ask because mine have autism and ds1 used to love to fart anywhere and everywhere! It's taken time, but I have got across to him that there's a time and a place! So now he knows that while it's ok to fart in his own home, with just his family around, if he goes to someone else's house, or is at school etc, then he has to go to a bathroom.

So unless your son has severe sn and you can't explain things like this in a way he can understand, you can begin to teach him the social farting rules

My dad farts all over the place. I mean, he lifts his arse and forces it out. It stinks so much it brings tears to my eyes! At times I have been retching, the smell is that bad. I think he must keep a dead rat up his arse

Point is, farting is anti-social because it smells so bad. It's not about being relaxed enough to let your bottom make a noise - it's not the noise that's the problem. your arse could toot out Beethoven's fifth and I wouldn't give a toss. It's the stench that makes it something to avoid doing in front of people!

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 08/03/2010 08:15

A famly fall out over a fart[shock....the worlds gone mad

I do agree there is a time and a place but IMO, family fine, restaurant, not fine.

OneFatArse · 08/03/2010 09:07

ROFL @ "unaware of her own sphincter"

Original poster
Mallenstreak · 08/03/2010 18:24

heQet lol at your dad and his rats arse! Interestingly ds is being assessed for possible AS/ASD but as you suggest I shall attempt to try to teach him the rules of social farting. Unlike your ds though I'll have to say it's only o.k around certain family members not those who are anally challenged

OP posts:
Southwind · 08/03/2010 18:36

Everyone likes their own brand......

ILovePlayingDarts · 08/03/2010 19:20

I have to say that my dad is one for loud, loud farts, and then blames it on the insulin he injects!

Generally, we've managed to teach the children that it's okay in our own home, but not around mum, or strangers, as it could be considered rude....

Meanwhile, my ds (aged 6), having been disappointed in not being given his own whoopee cushion (long story), goes and invents one.

He'd bought a duck whistle with pocket money last year, and improvised by putting a balloon over the mouthpiece, blowing up the balloon by blowing air in the wrong way (holding the end of the balloon to stop air coming back out) and then let the air out.

The noise was incredible and hysterically funny. the nearest I can describe this is perhaps a duck on steroids

I am weeping tears of laughter just thinking about it.

And the best bit is that my brother was here with his boys, who were equally entranced by the improvisation. With my brother being less than impressed, I am rather tempted to buy a duck whictle and a packet of balloons and post to said nephews