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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that pregnant or not, she was being lazy and insensitive

26 replies

NormalityBites · 07/03/2010 18:55

We were helping friends, a married couple with one dc, move house this weekend, sorting and hefting boxes etc. They were moving from rented to rented, so we've known about the move since before Christmas and promised to help. The wife sat in the house/car/van the ENTIRE time, refused to lift a single box, or sit on the floor, or do anything at all really, due to the fact that she is 9 weeks pregnant.

I am 15 weeks pregnant, but apparently it's OK for me to move HER stuff because I'm 'out of the danger zone' I have actually suffered a second trimester loss at further gestation than I am now - and she knows that. She has never suffered a loss. Not that it should matter anyway...

AIBU to be pissed off with her - and with her husband that seemed to think that this was decent behaviour?

OP posts:

heQet · 07/03/2010 18:57

Not at all. But you should have joined her in the van/car/house and refused to lift heavy things too.

coldtits · 07/03/2010 18:58

Why did you do something you didn't want to do? Seriously why did you do it? What did you hope to achieve by giving your time to someone who clearly doesn't give a flying fuck about your health?

nickytwotimes · 07/03/2010 18:59

Not unreasonalbe to be pissed off, but agree with others saying you shouldn't have done it at all if you were cross.

StealthPolarBear · 07/03/2010 18:59

she didn't sit on the floor?
No yanbu

SawneyBeane · 07/03/2010 19:00

I don't understand why you did it.
Why didn't you just say you couldn't?

eitbomh · 07/03/2010 19:00

She's a cow, but you were a mug. A kind mug, but one all the same.

Hope you are feeling OK.

Original poster

NormalityBites · 07/03/2010 19:02

Well I did it because I really didn't see a problem with doing it, I know my body and I wouldn't have done anything to strain myself - I did leave the heavy bits to others. I was happy to help them out, they helped us out when we moved too. I won't be helping them again though!

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 07/03/2010 19:02

In her defence she may truly believe that at 12 weeks a switch is thrown...ask for her help with something in a months time??
OTOH if she knows your history, probably not

BogofFun · 07/03/2010 19:03

I thought you were someone else for a minute there.

I'd have told her to cock off, in your shoes.

displayuntilbestbefore · 07/03/2010 19:04

I agree with heQet - instead of fuming inwardly and struggling, you too should have left the others to the heavy stuff.

Who is the "we" that you refer to - you and your dh/dp?
No-one made you do the lifting.IMO you can't be mad at anyone for not saying anything about you doing the lifting if you didn't say anything yourself and your own dh/dp didn't either. They probably just assumed that as you hadn't ducked out of it, you were happy to do it.

Original poster

NormalityBites · 07/03/2010 19:07

yep we is DH. THat's the thing noone expected me to do heavy lifting, but she refused to move a fricking china ornament

OP posts:

MadamDeathstare · 07/03/2010 19:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RealityKindaLingers · 07/03/2010 19:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Rockbird · 07/03/2010 19:37

It sounds to me like you were just pissed off and a bit resentful that you were there at all which tbh is your problem not hers. Yes she was probably being over cautious but that's up to her. You should have just said you weren't able to help if you didn't want to. You can't hold her responsible for your own failure to speak up.

compo · 07/03/2010 19:42

She might well have had a previous miscarriage and not told you

deleting · 07/03/2010 20:03

Did she expect you to do the lifting though, or did she expect you to be doing the same in the van and leave it to the dps? I've got a friend who does this every time she moves without being pregnant. Always seems to be somewhere else when the heavy stuff needs doing and I end up doing most of it. She's a good (lazy) friend though and I quite enjoy a bit of manual work now and then, so .....

nancydrewrocks · 07/03/2010 20:16

Agree with everyone else why on earth did you not just join her on the floor?!

TrillianAstra · 07/03/2010 20:24

Me too BoF!

Sounds like she needs some advice on how being pregnant does not (in most cases) make you an invalid.

Heated · 07/03/2010 20:32

Sounds like her dh is in for a v long 9m!

Had a colleague who expected - and largely got - ppl running round after her whilst she was pg and we were treated to every ache and pain. She was so cross when she discovered I was pg and further along; spent a lot of time darting out of a door if she came in, couldn't stand her competitiveness.

parakeet · 07/03/2010 21:47

I cannot remember a single task or chore that I avoided doing due to be pregnant, apart from clearing up fox poo from our garden (in case it carried the same risk of Toxo as cat poo).

I even remember cheerfully hefting bags of compost about (quite heavy ones too) before I remembered I was pregnant.

I probably would have been more careful if I'd had a previous miscarriage or scare.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 07/03/2010 23:28

Why should she have sat on the floor?

I think you are being daft. Yes, maybe people should have insisted you didn't carry anything heavy the way she did, but you were the daft bint who agreed to move someone's house for them at 15 weeks pregnant! Did you know you were pg at christmas? If so I cannot understand why you would have offered to help - and if not, why didn't you back out? Two men are more than enough to move house. Last time we moved DH managed all day with 3 mates (one after the other) while I stayed in old house with DS and cleaned.

You say you know your body but actually you can't predict straining a muscle - if you could, nobody would ever strain one and if you strained the wrong one you could have had nasty consequences. She might have been being a bit precious (but she's pg, she's entitled) but you were daft to have got involved in the move in the first place.

Northernlurker · 07/03/2010 23:36

At 9 weeks pregnant I'm not sure I could have moved anything without throwing up or getting dizzy. If you resent her so much why did you agree to help?

JustAnotherManicMummy · 07/03/2010 23:40

She sounds a lazy cow. YANBU.

My boss insisted I didn't carry a tray when I was pregnant because it could cause miscarriage Apparently was fine to get second degree burns from hot tea.

You should have told her she was an idle so-and-so.

thumbwitch · 07/03/2010 23:43

Just as a matter of interest, where was their DC in all this? Was she looking after this DC while she was just sitting there? Or was even that too much for her?

nannynobnobs · 07/03/2010 23:46

I remember frantically keeping busy in the early weeks because my morning sickness was all- day sickness. I laid all the lino in the hallway and downstairs loo, and did a damn good job of it because I was concentrating so hard! There is the chance she felt rough perhaps, though you'd think she'd say "sorry, I'm sick" rather than "sorry, I'm pregnant"

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