To expect Dh to wake up when the baby cries?

[PavlovtheCat]

DH is great at getting up in the morning with 3yo DD, while I stay in bed a little longer with 14 week old DS as he still feeds a few times in the night, and if i have had a particularly bad night, he will take DS when he wakes for the morning at about 8am and let me sleep in. He does grumble about it, not that he has to get up because of me, but because DD not not stay in bed til late, and because she does not like to doze with us, when she is up she is up. But he does it anyway.

So, from time to time, when i can drag my sorry ass out of bed, i will let him lie in. And this morning, i decided, at 6am when feeding DS that as I was awake, I would go onto the sofa in prep for DD waking, and let him sleep in a bit.

DS normally goes back to sleep after this morning feed, til about 8am ish. I settled him, and said to DH, I am getting up, if DS wakes, try to rock him back to sleep but if not, you will need to bring him into the front room (we live in a flat, this is next door to bedroom, not like down loads of stairs).

at 7:30am DD was up. I was in the kitchen making breakfast and a coffee while she was snuggled on the sofa reading her atlas, when i heard her outside the bedroom and calling 'mama! mama! DS is wake, he is crying mama!' then going through the door (which for some reason she can't open 'its ok DS, mama is just coming for you' (so she knew DH would not look after DS .

DS was indeed awake and crying, kicking, and I went in, picked him up, brought him out, and not one word from DH. Fast Asleep on his side of the bed, in the same position i left him. Or pretending to be.

I am not begrudging him his lie-in. But he should wake up when his son is crying surely? I mean, its not good is it, if you can sleep through a crying baby?

DS, DD and I are not up and DS is in a lovely happy mood with DD, DH is fast asleep and does not even know.

AIBU to think he should have at least been awake and shh'ing DS until i got in there to pick him up? Or AIBU to expect anything from him as he has not got the hormones there to wake him?

girlsyearapart I live in Devon. I went to the beach and I SWAM in the sea !!! I just bought a new winter wetsuit so needed to test it. Lovely and toasty. But not my feet .

DH said, when i mentioned to him that DS was crying. Yes, I know, I was ignoring him in the hope he went back to sleep, he was only la'ing . I feel, actually, happier that he heard and ignored than did not hear at all. I suspect he had been crying a little longer than he realised, but he woke eventually!

It was not a problem for me to get the baby, i just did not like the fact that he did not appear to hear the baby, or DD shouting that he was crying.

I am glad he is not the only one, and shall just have to accept he is a sound sleeper, oh well!

DH is a heavy sleeper, he genuinely doesn't hear the DDs when they cry in the night. So when it's his turn, I elbow him sharply in the ribs and tell him to go and tend to them!

I'm so glad that Privetdancer said it was the other way around for her because it is in our house, too - DH wakes if DS so much as sniffles, whereas I genuinely have no idea in the morning if DS has slept through or not. I do wake if he goes into a full-blown howling session, but not for 'normal' levels of crying. (and I recognise myself in some of the descriptions of staggering, barely awake clumsiness, too)

This means that since I went back to work, DH has done all the night waking (thankfully not as much as it used to be) and I do the early mornings - it works for us. Personally, I think you are pretty lucky that DD stays in bed until 7.30 - DS is usually up by 6.30 and 5.45 is not unheard of!

oh no, she gets up at 6:30am! I meant that it was 7:30am, and by this time she was up and she heard DS, sorry not clear.

She has been known to get up at 5:30am!

I do this (stay 'asleep' if DH is up and the youngest (18m) stirs, not for long but still) though the unreasonable-ness in me would expect DH not to so cannot work out if YABU or not...

My DH always sleeps through the baby waking (though he will get up if I nudge him, and always does his fair share). However, he will waken immediately if the cat brings a mouse in, or If the cat is fighting outside.

I sympathise with the Op, although I wouldn't have left the baby in with DH if it was his turn to sleep in. I would usually take the baby downstairs with me and let him nap in his pram or bouncy chair.

YABU - my dh always sleeps through dd crying but I don't think he can change that. He even slept through her on the 2nd day in a small hospital room while I went to the toilet. No point blaming him for something he can't help it. I would love it if he did wake up sometimes but he just doesn't. I'm sure it's just the way he sleeps, not a cunning plan. Asking him to keep an ear out really makes no difference when he is asleep.

mama luckily we live in a flat, so I can hear ok, I was out in the kitchen, but i have my trusty DD to help me out!

pavlov- that sounds lovely swimming in the sea. We had a gorgeous walk by the river but not quite the same