to lie to my employers about my childcare arrangements?

[lechatnoir]

....I'm going back to work after maternity leave & my DH is becoming a SAHD. I have purposely NOT told my employers that my husband will be full time carer of our children as I know it would have adversely affected my flexible working request but had to tell them something so said we have a child-minder lined up.

I don't really think it's any of their business & would rather not have lied but 'needs must' & all that.....but on talking to a group of friends today they all seemed to think this is a disaster waiting to happen and if/when they find out I lied it will be seen as a real breach of trust & put question mark over my professionalism, commitment to the company etc etc
Was I really that unreasonable to hide the truth? Should I come clean before I start back?
LCN

I'm not sure you should have lied, but I am a bit confused that you felt the need to justify it at all - why not just ask for flexitime and tell them you'll work the better for having it?

My dad has flexitime (children long since left home); so does my best mate who has no children as yet - like you, she works one day at home. She didn't tell her work why, she just put together a justification of how and when she'd be doing the work for them and suggested they trial it for a month and see if they were satisfied. They were fine with it.

Are you maybe being a bit unassertive in feeling the need for all this elaborate backstory about childcare?

My initial reaction was "None of their business" until I read your later post where you describe your proposed flextime requirements and you said "none of which are conducive to the role or the environment"

I can see how this might p**s off some of your colleagues as well as your employer if they find out. I have some colleagues with similar arrangements and TBH there are times when it really isn't that ideal and other people end up taking up the slack or work gets delayed. I think if I was in their shoes and found out your arrangements I would wonder why on earth you felt the need to work on this basis.

I do not think working at home and having a small child there works at all. I work about 50% at home and when the children were young there is no way I could take phone calls, and carry on with my work with a baby in the background even if I wasnt looking after them. I organised a childminder and whilst it was stupidly expensive it was the only way I could do it.

You have to make 100% sure that there is no child crying in the background and as they get older picking up the phone and answering for you.... I managed a lady a number of years ago who took home working to mean that she didnt have to pay for childcare. I could often never get hold of her and often calls with her came with screaming children!

I think you are being unfair and possibly will make it harder for other if you are found out.
I work from home one afternoon and one day a week - my employer knows I'm available school hours and that after that I'll work after DD has gone to bed.

In school holidays I arrange childcare - GP's or DP and go in to work - no way I could work with DD round I would want to join in woth her activities

I should point out that I will NOT be looking after a baby on my working from home day - as I said in original post DH will be SAHD so my comment about a baby being at home was a nod to the fact that DH & baby might be at home for some/all of the day but I will most definitely be working and in another room if need be. I've done the odd day at home when my eldest has been off sick so know it's impossible to work efficiently with a child to care for and wouldn't dream of trying that one on!

I didn't say my new flexi work schedule would adversely affect my job, I said it wasn't conducive to the role or environment but I hope to prove to my employer wrong and demonstrate that shorter hours/days and working from home do not have a detrimental affect on my performance or the business.

Good luck! but definitely keep your mouth shut about the arrangements given all the condemnation on here.

Unless the business is very geared towards working at home (so can log into phone and PC as if in the office) and other people don't need to talk to you in person at short notice at all then a person working at home or leaving early comes at a cost to the others in the office. Even simple things like booking a team meeting become much more difficult with restricted times etc.

If you know someone is doing so because they need to then you can all pull together and cover that person a bit.

If I found out a colleague lied to get flexible working then I wouldn't trust them and would lose some respect for them and I think you need supportive colleagues to feel happy at work.

Also, you say 'in another roon if need be'. Of course you need to be. Who can do proper head down work with a baby and DH in the room?!

l may not see my children during the hours I'm working but believe me working from home 1 day does help enormously - we get to take have breakfast & dinner as a family and I can take DS1 to & from school plus there's the added bonus of not having 3 hours and £25 of commuting that day!

nellie12 - I hear you

yanbu

its none of their business
, I am in the same situation as you too

HOWEVER this swings in a few ways

IF you have to work late, you can. you dont need to to rush and get them from nursery by 6.15 pm, this is a competitive advantage for a working mum trust me

in parallel, you wont be one of the rank that have to call in sick when their kids are ill (it's always the Mum), this is another MASSIVE stress you dont have

However you might find that your OH has a loooong day and cant wait for you to run through the dporr, in which case you might want to develop and maintain the habit of leaving on time

anyway I am rambling on but your childcare arrangements are 100% none of their business

good luck

Just thought I would post as an employer and mum.

You have a right as you know to request flexible working which your company will consider carefully before agreeing to it.

I know nothing of your job or company however I am a strong believer in telling the truth and how ever good an employee you were if I found out I had been lied to it would seriously damage my opinion of you and your continued employment.

Also remember that your behaviour could change your company's attitude to flexible working for future employee's.

LCN I too had a DP who was a SAHD - it's fab, takes many pressures/worries off you whilst you're at work. However my employer knew my childcare was my partner, so when he was sick she knew I needed time off to be at home with DD. I worked from home occassionally whilst he was a SAHD, but found it too distracting and only formalised WAH when he returned to full time work when she started full time school.

You need to consider how the employer will feel if they find out you have been economical with the truth - if one of your team lied (by ommission or otherwise) to you how would you feel. Be honest with them - if they refuse there are procedures you can follow, if you lie to them, the outcome could be worse.

I wouldn't lie to employers. Not worth it as they will definately find out.