to want to 'knock her fecking block off'

[Pheebe]

OK, language and attitude I'd never normally use but I've been pushed to the brink this week. I'll try and keep it brief but I could do with some advice as to how to handle this situation:

'Friend' (mum of ds1s best friend) - known her for about 4 years, good friends (I thought), very similar in many ways but very different in others. She's a party girl, I am not is probably the most striking difference. She is very high maintenance, has an huge need to be popular and liked and seen to be popular and liked. Very wearing but I can see through all that and actually like her when her front isn't in place.

Anyway, she's recently started a business and I bought something from her that I;ve had to return (strike 1)

DH had done some work for her at mates rates, just put in a bill (strike 2)

All hell has broken loose and she has conducted a witch hunt against DH, demanded he explain every detail of his bill and provide her with original receipts for all materials. I haven't seen her for a week or so (no reason, we just haven't crossed paths). DH had to go round to her place and 'explain himself'. She got nasty and vindictive and spouted off that I was 'high maintenance' our friendship was strained and not worth it. Anyway, DH has his cheque now so thats an end to that.

Now, the crux of it. She is trying to play nicey nicey and wants to be able to say hello and be polite in the school yard. I'm furious and admitedly very hurt but I'm also no hypocrit and my first reaction is to either ignore her completely or when she does try to talk to me let her know exactly what I think of the way she's behaved. She created this situation, not me and frankly I a have no desire to speak to her ever again. I feel like I'm in a no win situation - I either ignore her and stoop to her level (and give her all the ammo she needs to make life unbearable for me around the other mums) or put on an act, be polite and go against everything I believe in.

Oh I'm boring myself now!!! I need to sleep on this (and perhaps grow up and get a life???...)

Was she expecting the work for nothing or did your dh give her an estimated price. I would probably give it to her both barrells tbh, but then i don't care about playground politics.

It depends on whether you can fall out with her without everyone else turning against you. She sounds like a knob

Friends and money just don't mix do they? Speaking from experience here. I am guessing that this situation arose because the parties weren't upfront with each other about costs. You have got your cheque which is good.

Sounds like she would rather other people didn't know that this problem has arisen between her and 'her friend'. Go with your gut feeling. If you want to ignore her in the playground then do. If you would rather keep in civil with a polite hello then do.

I would do the latter, once I'd simmered down a bit.

She expected the bill, DH gave her an interim bill as the work isn't finished and he didn't want to land her with a massive bill all in one go. She's told him she doesn't want him back in her house

She can be pretty nasty, she's very good at slagging people off by stealth iyswim

Why was I even friends with her???

Not sure anyone else will care really but I just know she'll be slagging me off behind my back and the injustice of it all infuriates me. Perhaps I care more about people think that I realise.

DH did put her straight and quite rightly told her any beef with me was nothing to do with his invoice.

She would defintiely love the drama and would milk it for all its worth and play the poor hard done by single mum being ganged up on by the horrid married couple.

Icy disdain is very appealing. I just dont' want her to 'win' how pathetic is that?

The thing is if you keep quiet others won't get to hear your side. Maybe don't kick off till you know she's flapping her gums about you for sure

I would go with a frosty hello now and again. She probably thinks he charged her to keep you in handbags. Bit of jealousy perhaps. Rise above it, people will know that something has gone wrong and be left guessing. No-one should expect something for nothing whether single, married or otherwise.

i find just avoiding people you don't like until they make a move towards you - then keep it very formal. polite. walk away. its an effective message.

as is smacking her in the chops

oh poor you I feel for you. Had very similar situation with very similar sounding attention-needing 'friend' last year. After many hurtful incidents she emailed me to tell me she didn't want to be my friend any more (yes she's 44 years old) as I didn't live up to what she expected of a true friend (I paraphrase).... much anger and tears have resulted on my part, relationaships with mutual friends are strained, my best friend is/was her brother which is dead awkward i won't go on....

suffice to say rightly or wrongly I have bitten my lip, refused to get drawn into her head games and not given her the satisfaction of the drama and attention she obviously wanted. I've composed texts but never sent them, thought through what I would say face to face but never said it, written phantom emails back to her. Easier said than done but ignoring a drama queen is better than trying to beat them at their own stealth-slagging game.

Good luck and believe in yourself

Thanks everyone. I feel much clamer today having slept on it. Everyone (including DH) seems to be singing from the same hymn sheet. Icy disdain/politeness and no room for drama.

We'll get the cheque cashed and see where we go from there.

I still want to smack her in the cod-freatures chops @custardo

MrsKarpet, in my selfishness I didn't offer you any support

The whole situation sucks and I just don't understand how someone can get to 40some and behave like this

Hope things have settled down for you. I have also been creating conversations and preparing speaches in my head.

If it comes up in public, I would simply say that your husband is entitled to be reimbursed for costs incurred and he did work at mates rates. Say your husband would no longer be prepared to help her out as she clearly has no understanding of costings. Perhaps she has started a new business without fully understanding what is involved, but she shouldn't take the piss. I would steer well clear in future, as she sounds too much like hard work. This is awful for you though - just what you need when standing at the school gates!

Family/friends and business just don't mix IME.My DH is a tradesman and never does a job for anyone at all without doing a written quote first.
I would be polite and avoid a scene for your DS's sake, but distant.

Never ever do work for a mate unless you are prepared to do it for the cost of materials and a pint (or equivalent). Honestly it isn't worth it. DH found this.