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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to still want to report this to the police (SGB and Stalky the Stalker update)

26 replies

SolidGoldBrass · 04/03/2010 23:07

Ok, Stalky has been very quiet since Sunday. The state of play was that my friend P, who was also getting vile emails from him, was going to go to the police on her own account, however P has been really ill this week, too ill to leave the house so has postponed her appointment with the police.
(Have been leaving it up to her as she knows her local police team well for professional reasons).
I still want the police to have it on record that he sent these emails even though he has apparently got over himself and decided to lay off - because I don't want to spend the next weeks, months, whatever, scared that something else is going to make him suddenly start up again. Am I being a drip given that he never actually did turn up on the doorstep with an axe and has apparently given up?

OP posts:
Tortington · 04/03/2010 23:08

i think it should be recorded and he should understand the seriousness of his actions.

overmydeadbody · 04/03/2010 23:09

Good greif I would want to report it too!

YANBU

I dont even know the story, have missed your other threads. Did you report it?

Original poster
SolidGoldBrass · 04/03/2010 23:21

OMDB: No, haven't done yet. Initially I thought, oh, it's [Stalky] being a twunt again (he has a history of ranting impolitely about me on discussion forums; I do know the man IRL, we actually used to be friends but he does far too many drugs and is nuts), then the bombardment of horrid personal email (from him and his girlfriend) started, and he threatened P and a couple of other mates of mine with various things if they wouldn't give him my address and phone number, or if they objected to his opinion of me - at which point P said she was going to involve the police and hoped I would make a statment too; I said yes, go ahead, this was on Friday and she was going to see the police on Monday then she got sick. So I was leaving it to her and not wanting to confuse the issue.
She is still keen to get it all put on record so if he does start up again he can be dealt with...

OP posts:
TheFantasticFixit · 04/03/2010 23:32

Hello SGB - I'm new on here so i haven't had a chance yet to read your other thread but I have just read through your synopsis. I used to work for the police (on 999 line) and you definitely need to report this. Stalking is now starting to be taken very seriously by the police and certainly any type of threat needs to be recorded just in case IYSWIM. At the very minimum, every time you have an interaction with this person that leaves you feeling threatened or concerned you should update your initial complaint to the police in order for them to have a sound history of the behaviour that you are experiencing. This will be invaluable to the case should (and I really hope that it won't come to this for you) you have further, more serious problems with him and require attendance or criminal investigation. Additionally please keep all correspondence - texts, emails etc and let the police know that you have a record of that. Hopefully you will not hear any more from this individual but it really is worth recording the behaviour with the police. You can call your local police station and get all this on record over the phone - there is no need to go to the station itself to save you the bother, but please do so for your own safety.

Original poster
SolidGoldBrass · 04/03/2010 23:36

Thanks TFF. I have saved all the emails, am going to print them out tomorrow (ie when have bought new ink for printer), I tried emailing them to P but it didn't work as they are mostly on Facebook as private messages.

OP posts:
TheFantasticFixit · 05/03/2010 00:09

Glad to have helped SGB!

Remember you can print screen the facebook messages and copy and paste them into a word document or an email or similar if you are stuck with getting them off there.

I really hope this all works out for you, it's such a horrible situation!

Dogandbone · 05/03/2010 00:58

Exactly what fantastic said. These days the police take this sort of thing very seriously.

And do it soon because this twat is stealing your peace of mind.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 05/03/2010 01:05

Definitely go to the police- wasn't there a new law passed recently that made this sort of thing a proper crime, as opposed to the breach of the peace thingy that they used to cite and which doesn't really hold up with cyber-stalking?

I'd say better to have it on file- maybe if the police have a word he will stop being such an arse.

EcoMouse · 05/03/2010 01:09

YANBU! Go ahead and report him SGB.

I reported one of my x's for similar following the support of you and others on here (big thanks ) and he was immediately arrested and charged under the harassment law.

It's been a weight off my mind!

StayFrosty · 05/03/2010 01:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleMissSnowShine · 05/03/2010 10:44

YANBU.

I don't know the background to this, but for your own safety, you should report this just to have it on record.

The man sounds unstable - and he obviously thinks he can just get away with threatening behaviour. He might have just given up harassing you (for the meantime anyway) but who knows how many other people are feeling harassed by him right now or will be in the future? Complaints about someone will be taken more seriously if there's already a history of complaints on record against them.

OrmRenewed · 05/03/2010 10:46

Yes you should. He is a twat.

heQet · 05/03/2010 10:48

Yes, it's very important that you do. I hope this is the end of it, but if he starts again, you have proof that this is a long term harrassment of you and hopefully the police will act.

I find it very alarming that he is trying to get your address and phone number out of people!

He seems so obsessed with you that I wonder if he has or had at one point a romantic interest in you that was not reciprocated and turned to hate?

Mermaidspam · 05/03/2010 10:50

Defo go to the Police. That way, if anything does kick off (hopefully not) they have the background information.

Original poster
SolidGoldBrass · 05/03/2010 10:55

IANBU, the fucker's back! Turn on computer this morning, check messages, and there he is, same old shit... P is seeing police on Monday, I am printing out all emails to pass to them.
Heqet: Others have said the same. We did actually have a brief flirtation about 10-11 years ago, he then fell in love with a friend of mine but we all remained on friendly terms until all of a sudden he took against me (about 4-5 years back). I wasn't exactly bothered, it was just one of those minor irritations - 'Oh Stalky's ranting about you on [website] are you sure you never shagged him'. But this time it's just way over the line.

OP posts:
SpicedGerkin · 05/03/2010 10:56

I'd go to the police.

Thanks for that link stayfrosty.

TheYearOfTheCat · 05/03/2010 11:15

Sounds horrid.

TBH, I would contact the police now, don't wait for P to do it. You're the one who is feeling threatened by this. Police will be capable of joining the dots and it shouldn't confuse matters.

TheFantasticFixit · 05/03/2010 19:42

SGB - please don't wait, things hopefully won't escalate but you never know. Phone your local police number (most likely an 0845 number) and make an initial report over the phone. Get it on record. If you are the person most affected by this person then the complaint is more effective coming from you, not your P.

Best of luck

DorotheaPlenticlew · 05/03/2010 19:44

Report report report. Good luck.

ImSoNotTelling · 05/03/2010 20:02

Dear god SGB what a load of shit.

Yes report him. Sounds really nasty.

GigglyWrinkles · 05/03/2010 20:15

If he is stalking you can I point you in the direction of some support networks I found whilst surfing the net recently. Its called www.nss.org.uk and there is also www.protectionagainststalking.org

It may be of help in this whole reporting thing.

WingedVictory · 05/03/2010 22:20

Oh, no! I checked the other stalking thread this evening, but there was no update on it, so thought it was quiet.

Do, do make a statement, as you need to be able to escalate a response if he escalates his side. I have some friends who experienced some employment-related and personal aggro with neighbours/employers in France, and my friend's DH made an official statement with the police about it. It seemed to be considered quite normal there, and was not at all the same as making a formal complaint or charge. Please do think about it in just this calm way. It could help you overcome any inhibitions you might have about being "overdramatic", antagonising him or whatever. He may never know about it (so it can't antagonise him), unless he does something else.

Good luck.

Original poster
SolidGoldBrass · 10/03/2010 23:10

Oh balls.... this is all getting so ludicrous now. Friend P was apparently seeing police on Monday, don't know if she has or not because I can't get hold of her.
(No, he won't have gone round and murdered her, he is backpeddling with everyone but me ie sending emails to other people saying, sorry I was rude to you, it's just [SGB] we're after). P is a tiny bit inclined to sort of get distracted by stuff in her own life and go off-radar, though I know she's been ill so don't want to hassle her too much.
Thing is (and sorry, know it sounds crap) I really want her to do the initial reporting to police she knows as there is a sort of sensitive factor in this whole business to do with the identity of one of the people involved, which I can't share... Don't want to go in myself as a first report to some newbie copper who will focus on either that aspect, or the fact that some of Stalky's abusive mails basically accuse me of criminal activities.

OP posts:
EcoMouse · 11/03/2010 00:32

Yebbut, including accusations of criminal acts on your part is designed to make you keep schtum. If you didn't do whatever Stalky's referring to, you've nothing to worry about on that count, they really have seen it all before.

If, because of sensitive-factor-person you feel P is the only one who can make initial contact with police then you're stuck with chasing or waiting, unless one of the other people he's approached might be in a position to make the first move? "It's just SGB we're after"?! WTF?! I hope there's someone, he really needs pulling up!

EcoMouse · 11/03/2010 00:35

Upon re-reading, I'd say just go to police yourself. You really do have overwhelming evidence at this stage and might be able to request a higher (and more experienced) authority on the grounds of sensitive-factor-person anyway.