To be upset with my Mum.

[ShadeofViolet]

I dont think I am but I wanted to put it down anyway. I just want to point out that I love my Mum dearly, but I do feel a little upset.

We live about 100 miles away from my Mum, and it was my DS's birthday this week as well as my Mums last week (within 4 days of each other). We went down to see her and went out for a big meal with my siblings and grandparents to celebrate her birthday. My Youngest brother is 13 and so I bought a present for him to give to Mum, plus one from us and one from the DC's. We went back to hers afterwards and no card for my DS, nothing. Come his birthday I get an E-card in the evening (DS is 3 and wont be able to read it) and a note telling me the card is in the post. It hasnt arrived yet.

This isnt the first time and I feel so hurt. Its not about the money or the present, but the fact that she actually doesnt care enough to plan ahead. This isnt the firts time, she has 'forgotten' my birthday on a few occasions, or I get a card a few months later. My Husband is often missed too.

Its not because she is forgetful, I just think its about the money. It was the same when we were children, for our wedding etc. I can ignore it when its for me, and I have never mentioned it, but when its the DC's it gets me upset - not even a card

DH says I should do the same, but then that makes me no better.

YANBU I'd be really upset if my mum didn't send our DS a card - you can pick them up for about 50p ffs! It takes so little effort - she didn't even need to buy a stamp. Can't you say something to her?

Hope you feel better soon. If it makes you feel any better, your LO won't be keeping tabs on who the cards are from xx

I agree with your DH, there is no point in wasting your energies on somebody who doesn't appreciate it. She sounds like she needs a taste of her own medicine. I think it is really hurtful and thoughtless to forget a grandsons birthday. He should be the light of her life. My mother and my MIL would never do anything like that, my DS is the apple of their eyes and that is the way it should be. I would also have a word with her and tell her how upsetting you find it.

hmm. I think personally that I wouldn't worry about it from your ds' point of view. My brother always forgets DS' birthday - ds does not even notice. He has so many other distractions etc. When he and my brother meet up they adore eachother and it's lovely. So it doesn't need to mean anything iyswim.

However I would also stop making anything of your mum's birthday. Perhaps it's a teensy bit tit for tat, but personally I would find it odd if she was offended by that! My brother for instance would not expect us to remember his birthday etc. If ever it was mentioned, I would simply shrug and say "well I know you're not big on birthdays, you don't 'do' birthdays, do you so I didn't want to make a fuss"

YANBU.

I would not be attending any more celebration meals for the birthday of someone who does not bother to remember or mark the birthdays of anyone else! Just say that she is clearly not bothered by birthdays so you thought it best not to make her feel awkward by going over the top.

Of course that doens't take effect until next year, but saying something now isn't going to change anything. What is she like on other occasions - christmas, etc?

The thing is that its not a one off, so I feel like I cant ask her because I have let it go before. Its so different from my Dad (My parents are divorced) who was stressing himself do much about how he could get DS's present here to us - he is a real worrier so we had about 10 phone calls on the subject.

I just think my Mum would be embarrased, and I wouldnt want to do that to her. i think its really about money as she is so bad with it.

I am not worried about it from DS's point of view. He has SN and didnt even understand that it was his birthday, so he wouldnt give two hoots, but I care even though I dont really know why.

ignore it, don't waste your energy.

or you can tell her that you think she's a thoughtless bitch and see how well that goes down.

I have a similar problem. The fall out of an argument is not worth the confrontation.

My mum gives my children free stuff from paper and give blood stickers in their stocking at christmas- gave me some gone off body shop stuff - kept for ages.I dont mind things like this from others but its the mesn spirt that drives u mad !! u not alone.When I ran out of money once on maternity leave i asked for a bit of money to tide us over until DH paid- gave me a pound to last 4 days !!!

I think if it upsets you (as it would me) then I would mention it otherwise it will keep happening and keep upsetting you.
I had a phonecall from my sister last week asking if my dh had received his card and asking "should I have got him a present". On the basis I had bought her dp a present for his birthday about three weeks before I just said "yes you should have." Some people may find that blunt but why worry so much about embarassing your mum when she is bu and you are upset about it.
If you really can't talk to her about it then you need to forget it and accept it will keep happening.