to interfere? SIL is putting dn to sleep on tummy

[bracingair]

my brother died sleeping on his tummy - this was before the back to sleep campaign. So it is really upsetting me re my nephew. I am inclined to stay out of the way, but would i be unreasonable to say something? (SIL is from dh's side iycswim)

edam, it's very true that public health outcomes are lower in the US than in many other countries and that infant mortality is worse, but I don't think it's a direct relationship to SIDS, is it?

arrrggghhh I meant 'worse' not 'lower'

really should go to bed!

Surely she would have been told this in the hospital when they were discharged?

I know it must be hard because of your brother hun but although putting babies on their backs afterwards showed a dramatic drop in SIDS there is no guarantee sleeping on your tummy will cause SIDS.

Its hard but try and just ask if she had the leaflet from hospital to find out what she does know.

Of course you can say something - but you can't dictate what she does. She MUST be aware of it i'm sure. I am so sorry about your brother so it must be something you feel strongly about.

Just mention it, along the lines of, oh, has your HV commented on this?

She must be aware of what the advice is so I would keep quiet. All of my children have slept on their tummies (yes, I know the advice too)because this is the only way they slept! They were checked regularly and were not in a smoky, overheated house.

I know you must feel strongly about this because of your brother but if you were to say anything you would have to be very tactful IMHO.

Maybe she has a breathing alarm under the sheet, if not buy her one. Why would anyone take offence if you could potentially be saving babies life.

I don't think it's interfering if you just ask (the once) "Aren't you afraid of cot death?" And if she knows about the risks, she'll explain her reasons, and if she doesn't know the risks, she will ask what in the world you're talking about.

If she's from another country, she probably very much doesn't mind the direct approach!!

I would just be really honest with her - say that the last thing you want to do is be interfering or overbearing, and that your own family experiences have definitely made you particularly sensitive about this subject, but that you wouldn't have felt right not saying something - and then ask her what the reasons are - because, as others have said, maybe her baby really refuses to sleep on his back and she has reasoned that it's worth it. In which case, fair enough.

You sound very nice and also sensitive in your posts so I wouldn't have thought you would come across the long way, as long as you explain why you feel so strongly about i and that you aren't trying to tell her what to do.

PS WRong way, Not long way. Weird typo, sorry..!

My dd slept on her tummy; she had terrible reflux, and I was more scared of her aspirating than I was of SIDS. I did my homework though...through reading countless journals and such, some theories that remained fairly consistent in my reading were that most babies who died of SIDS had more than one risk factor; so they might be on their tummies AND too warm, premature,etc.
I kept dd in our room, next to our bed until she was old enough to roll over herself, to avoid a problem.

Still...mentioning it tactfully certainly wouldn't hurt...

Both my DDs slept on their tummies, neither would sleep on their backs, though I tried and tried and tried until the sleep deprivation we were all experiencing was a far higher risk then cot death.

I think most people know 'the rules' these days, but given your circumstances, I can see why you're concerned. But really, by 3 months I would have thought any danger was past and it would be nigh on impossible to get the baby to sleep differently.

yep, my son would also only sleep on his tummy. I stressed and cried (yes) over it when he was first home from the hospital, but he just wouldn't sleep on his back.

I think you can say something to her if it's going to worry you this much. Bring up your brother, if she doesn't already know about him.

Infant mortality rates in the US really can't compare with the other countries listed, btw. The US doesn't have near the amount of social care, and health care is lacking for those who can't afford it. Mortality rates in the US tend to correspond to income, or lack thereof. It's terrible, but there are other factors behind their mortality rates beyond the way people put their babies to sleep. (I also wasn't aware that they still put babies on their tummies to sleep, but then, I didn't know anyone with babies when I was there.)

For me, it was really against my instincts to put my baby to bed on her back, my DD1 was born 15 years previous and the advice at that time was for them to sleep on thier tummies and we had mattresses with big old holes in the foamy bits. So of course i was when it was all different now, of course i put DD to sleep on her back, but at some point she decided to sleep on her tummy, not until she was quite a bit older thoguh

Funny how things change isn't it? When DC1 was born, over 20 years ago, the advice was firmly to sleep babies on their tummies. Whilst I was in hospital after the birth, I was told off by one midwife frequently because my DC would not sleep on the tummy and would only sleep on the side with a blanket rolled up behind to support the back.

By the time no 2 came along, the 'back to sleep' campaign had just got going, and he would not sleep on front or back, so, again, it was back to the rolled up blanket to support sleeping on the side.

Personally, it sounds as though you don't have the sort of relationship where you could really talk about this without sounding as though you were interfering. And, as someone else said further up, you don't know for sure that your SILs baby isn't one of those awkward devils, like mine and others here, who simply would not sleep in the recommended position.

sayit, MIL tells me when dh was a baby, the advice was to put babies to sleep on their sides with a rolled-up towel. She was fascinated to see how everything had changed. In a lovely non-judgmental 'isn't it interesting' way. Apparently she was also told to wean dh on bones from the butchers as they'd help his teeth come through or something.

Not wanting this to become a MIL thread but after reading Edams post,
My MIl was 2 mths prem, and was fed on Brandy, Formula I belive and Farex, and slept in a drawer!!
Shes 75 next month.