to think that my DS should be a step-dad to my 15 year old son?

[ziopin]

Hi, Its a bit on a long post, sorry!

I met my husband 10 years ago, when my ds was only five. We have another two children (7 & 5) now too. His relationship with my son (his step son) has never really been defined, but now I want it to be.

My son is a typical 15 year old, but can be loving and generous, makes dinner once a week, make cups of tea when I come home from work, and I must admit I dont find much fault in him

My husband never gives him any praise or says anything positive, just constantly picks him up over towels on floor, not eating his veg, losing his coat that type of thing.

This evening we've had a bit of a row about this, about me being good cop and he being bad all the time, he replied 'well what do you expect I'm not his father! of course I'm not going to treat him in the same way as I treat the other two!

I've asked him if he could not fulfil that step-dad role could he perhaps fill the 'friend' role, he cant do that either as he's not 15!

He then had the cheek to say maybe I should have a look on the internet to see what the role of a step-father is! I replied I already know, maybe he needs to do that!

Am I being unreasonable here, please help

sorry, I've somehow managed to post this twice

wow. Your poor son. Why has it taken 10 years to get to this point? Was it not discussed before you got married?

I think it is very sad that your son has spent half his life watching his siblings being treated more favourably. You and your dh really need to thrash this out.

Sorry for multiple posts. This is a joint responsibility for you and your dh as the adults. This should have been thoroughly understood and agreed by you both when he was 5 and before you got married. You are running out of time to sort it out properly now that he is 15, but you have a responsibility to do so.

How sad. When FIL married MIL, MIL already had a 7yo. FIL adopted the 7yo (now grown up, he's my BIL) and he has been as much of a father to BIL (his adopted son) as has he has to DH (his biological son).

Your husband should be treating all 3 children the same. He has lived with this boy since he was 5 years old, how can he think of himself performing anything other than a parental role?

How did you get to this point?

It would be a deal breaker if my dh had not agreed to love and care for my children the same regardless of who their dad is, he lives with them and is my husband therefore he is responsible for both of them. I don't understand how it can be any other way really?

I grew up with my mum and step dad from when I was about 8yrs old and though i still saw my dad and my dad is my dad, my step dad has treated me as his own, yes at times his own children have come first slightly or I feel maybe he could do something for me but won't because his children would think it was unfair but I understand that and as I have my dad it's never been an issue.

My dd1 is not biologically my DH's but as she has nothing to do with him as far as we are all concerned dh is her dad and does everything a good dad would/ should/ could do for her. He doesn't treat dd2 any differently to dd2 and I wouldn't accept it if he did tbh. We did discuss this at length before we allowed dd1 to call him daddy and also before we had dd2 and before we got married. I wouldn't have stayed with him if he had been unable to accept he is her only dad, I'm hoping he will adopt her in the next few years as it is what they both want and I am happy for them to make their relationship official if that's what they want to do.