Is my mum suicidal?

[TrickyTeenagersMum]

My ma has never been the easiest (as my many previous posts have testified) but she is now suffering so much from anxiety and depression that my aunt is really worried she is suicidal and has just said so on the phone to me.
Mum is also stubborn, won't take her antidepressant pills even though they have helped before and has a negative answer to everything (eg "Why don't you do xxx? You might enjoy that..." Her response "I can't afford it/don't want to go on my own/my foot hurts" etc etc).
What should/can I do? Bearing in mind she is a very fit 60-something with all marbles, own mortgage free house and reasonable pension? She lives a couple of hours away from us.

talk to her? tell her you're worried? ask if there's anything you can do to help? call social services? tell your aunt to call social services if she's worried? stop trying to make suggestions to her and let her get on with things her way?

Do YOU think she's suicidal?

Hi HeQet,
I'm not sure if she;s suicidal, though it has passed through my mind just lately. she was just here staying and is so twitchy with nerves it is just as though she is about to sit a major exam/ driving test iyswim. She is very very negative, doesn't have a good word to say about anyone or anybody.
I suppose i should just say it straight out to her.
She is very clever, snobby and posh, social services wouldn't stand a chance, I fear...

At the end of the day, you can only do what you can do.

Nobody is going to intervene against her wishes unless she is a danger to herself, so if she won't accept help or doesn't want your opinion, then there's nothing you can do -unless like I say, you feel she is a danger to herself.

I think talking to her directly would be a good move. Be prepared for any reaction though - from crying on your shoulder to stopping speaking to you. Don't let this stop you from trying.

Does she ever visit her gp? maybe after you've spoken to her, if you are concerned, you could phone her gp?

She sounds like my mum. It is SO frustrating and draining and you end up feeling like you are hitting your head against a brick wall. However there is nothing you can really do. If she won't take antidepressants you can't force her. And in my mother's case they did little to help the lack of motivation anyway.

My mother would promise to do things like go for walks or get out more of whatever but just withdrew more and more. My dad is still alive and lives with her and he too gets frustrated but again there is nothing he can really do.

In my mother's case she is in earlyish stages of dementia too and has had a stroke which makes it harder.

Completely agree with Heqet's advice to you.

Thanks guys. I am going to call my other aunt and - deep breath - mum, tonight.
She goes to the GP constantly as she has raging hypochondria. She must have heartsink patient written all over her file. Is always for vaguely imaginary ailments though: headaches, possible skin cancer, do I have an allergy, etc. She's had endless investigations, always nothing much really wrong. They did persuade her onto antidepressants a year ago and she was great on them for ages, really quite balanced and normal. Then she convinced herself they were giving her headaches and we were off again. I suppose also a long hard winter hasn't helped, and she hates living alone. Everything has got much worse since she retired from a v busy demanding job which took up all her energy, though she's always had a tendency to be negative and morbid.

good luck.