to ask my 4yo to tidy his room?

[BattyKoda]

Is he too young yet? I think for as long as I remember I have asked him to tidy up after himself (with help when necessary, of course), and he's always been very keen, in fact I think he began tiding before I started asking IYSWIM.

However, recently it's become a bit of a battle, and I've started wondering if it's too much to ask of him?

He's about to turn 4yo, a week off.

I think "tidy your room" is a bit much.

Perhaps "put your toy dinosaurs away" or a similarly specific instruction is OK and he should be able to do it.

I ask the dc to tidy up after themselves but i dont really expect them to do it properly and sometimes i help them. As long as they make an effort at that age thats fine. I wouldnt battle against them about it at 4yo tbh. M 7yo spilt a drink once and dp said i was cruel cus i made him mop it up! there was more of a mes after he tried to clean up!s

As a mum of four, I would say that, at the end of every day, he should help YOU pick up his toys/books etc so that he never thinks it's ok to wander off to bed and leave his stuff strewn about ( like my teenagers do now, lol) but I would be wary of telling him to do it on his own as a) he'll be tired and b) it's a classic battle ground you don't need . I would encourage him to put something away before starting something else but not make a huge issue out of it: with my dcs things began to 'disappear' if they left them lying around for too long and it did help to help them understand [evil mother emoticon] but of course I would slip them back a few days later. Also help if you can find a puppy to chew stuff.....

Basically, no, its not too much to ask of him, but it IS something that can be overcome without it becoming a battle ground IME. Good luck!

I wouldnt ask my 4yo to tidy his room.
I'd say 'lets go tidy your room' though and do it together, letting him know where everything goes a step at a time - he wouldnt manage anything more general than that.

All children are different of course, but asking my 4-year-old to tidy her room without help would be unrealistic. I do, as another poster has suggested, say things like "You put the Lego away and I'll put the books away". We also have a rule of the living room must be tidy before the telly goes on every day and it's a good incentive.

I can see how it must be galling if he used to be good at tidying and has now "regressed". Would it help if you focussed more on not letting it get into a big mess in the first place, by saying he must put one basket or type of toy away before he starts something new?

My DC are 5 and 3 and can tidy things away in the room. They are only allowed one type of toy out at a time (like building blocks or playmobil) like they do at nursery and school and so tidying up happens throughout the day. We have the trofast storage system so everything has its own box and a book shelf for books and games.

I expect my 4.7 yo dd to tidy up after herself for the most part. I will sometimes help, but everything in their playroom has a box/ place, and I do expect her to put back one lot before pulling out another. having said that, the carnage in there today was quite something else - a full suitcase of dressing up stuff, mixed in with assorted small dinosaurs (courtesy of ds), farm animals (small plastic ones, not real ones! ), barbie dolls, dominoes and rubber insects!

I should've worded my OP better. Usually I will ask him to tidy a specific thing (books/lego/train set) whilst I do the bulk.

Tonight I asked him to start tidying his dinosaurs away whilst I put DS2 to bed.

His response: I don't want to
Me: You need to look after your toys and tidy them up when you've finished
Him: No I don't. I don't want to.
Me: Well if you can't look after them, then I will have to take them away
((Maybe to harsh?? Been a long day))
Him: I don't want them anyway
Me: Well if you don't start tidying them up I will take away the triceratops
DS wanders off downstairs and makes small talk with oblivious DP

So I go downstairs explain that I have taken triceratops away and we will try again tomorrow.

Was this too harsh??

His playmobil has been put out of reach and is now only got down one set at a time after 6 nights on the trot of me on hands and knees fixing it all back together.

Forgot to say his response was to fly upstairs in a rage and throw remains dinosaurs across his bedroom whilst screaming loud enough to wake the dinosaur fossils let alone DS2.

He eventually calmed and we had a hug and we talked about it.

*remaining dinosaurs

No sounds fine to me, not too harsh. I have gone into DC's room with a black bin liner after warning them any toys on the floor would be going in the bin! You should only need to do it a few times before they understand. I think there was a thread yesterday about following through with threats being better for them in the long run! My DC now see that the toys last longer and don't get broken as easily as friends or cousins stuff and do it without asking sometimes

Sounds fine to me, I threatened to give all my Dd's toys to children who will appreciate them (then had to explain what appreciate means!) the other day as they'd totally trashed their room (with their cousins help)

Tis all part of growing up I feel. Just as long as you don;t expect their tidying up to be of your standard you;ll be fine!

Hellbent, have had my eye on the trofast for a while. Will probably be investing in one soon!

Yanbu. My 4 yo cleans up his room now - well, that's a bit of an exxageration. He tidies up specific bits with me under my instruction. Also, my dcs can't get out toy after toy after toy. They have to put the first ones away before the next ones come out.

same as winky I get both my ds 4 and dd 2 to tidy their room but it is specifically but all the cars in the yellow box, put all the food stuff in the blue box, put all the books in a pile near the bookshelf etc. Very specific otherwise everything gets thrown in to one box and well that just isn't tidying up

Also absolutely not being too harsh with your second post. I have in the past taken away boxes of toys, and then ds has been able to earn them back over a week or so with good behaviour and good tidying up.

Def not too harsh and yes, he is old enough. If all his toys have a place of their own, then 'tidy your room' is enough - the key is making sure everything has it's rightful place. LO's here (2x under 4) can tidy a demolished playroom, sort things into the right boxes etc We went through a very short lived stage of not doing it when told, a few days of moaning, it took two black bin bags to sort the problem - the first time I told them I'd forgotten to give them to the friend who came over and if they put them all away properly they could keep them this time and the second time I just got the black bin bag out and magically the toys got put away very quickly - they understand that I mean what I say. It's not mean, it's not harsh - being consistent saves a lot of arguing and upset.

Also, we do this every night - so it's a habit, not a confusing one off request... if you only ask occasionally it might be a bit overwhelming.

His do have a correct place or box... I guess I need to stay consistent instead of only asking a few times a week. Will make sure it has a permanant place in his routine!

Def not to young and IMO you did the right thing. He had a tantrum because he didn't like that he lost his toy. Incentive to tidy when asked.

GOOD LUCK!

Eeek, I feel like such a bad parent an authoritarian. I always ask my 2.5 yr old to help tidy her mess with mummy. We always tidy together and she is always praised for helping. It works for us.

Thanks for all your replies - at least I can be confident when I ask him/give consequnces that I'm not being harsh, won't second guess myself anymore!