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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset that dp has been looking/searching for at his exes on facebook??

23 replies

Dinkytinky · 02/03/2010 20:12

Hi everyone, please help me i don't knowif I'm blowing this out of proportion...
Dp is away tonight visiting his mum, when I went on the computer to log in to facebook I found he had not logged out,and on the screen it showed he had been looking at photos of his ex,so I looked in the history and saw he had been looking at 3 different exes,searching facebook for them etc.
I just feel really upset and angry and ugly,we've been together 5 years and I've never even given these girls a thought. It's made me feel like I'm not enough or that I must be so ugly and boring for him to want to look at pictures of them. What should I do? Or do you think he's just curious and if so,why?? Help please?!
Xxx

OP posts:
compo · 02/03/2010 20:15

it's just curiosity though
I've looked up my exes
it doesn't mean I want to get back with them or shag them or even request to be their friend on there

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 02/03/2010 20:15

YANBU, ish because I would be, but then from time to time I look at my exs and even DHs just to be nosey. I wouldn't read too much into it

staranise · 02/03/2010 20:16

He's probably just curious - I've looked up all sorts of old school friends and exes really just because i was bored at work (and I'm very nosy!) - I would never dream of contacting them and I'm 100% happy with DH.

I think the fact he didn't even bother to hide it shows as well it's nothing. You sound a bit down on yourself - ugly and boring are pretty harsh words to use about yourself, no?

RuthChan · 02/03/2010 20:19

Obviously I don't know you or your DP, but the chances are that his looking up his exes on FB means nothing at all about his feelings about your relationship.
Have you considered the opposite point of view? Maybe rather than looking at pictures of them and thinking you are ugly and boring, maybe he looks at them and thinks how glad he is to be away from them and how lucky he is to be with you.
Many people look up people from their past on FB out of curiousity and bordom, not necessarily because they're unhappy with their present situation. The chances are that he's the same. Can you ask him to put your mind at rest?

mintyfresh · 02/03/2010 20:23

I've also looked up my exes too but would similarly be upset if I found out dh had done this!

I would be more concerned if he had actually made contact rather than just be intrigued as to what they are doing now. Try not to worry about it

nickytwotimes · 02/03/2010 20:25

I've done the same out of sheer nosiness.

No desire whatsoever to see any of them ever again.

nickschick · 02/03/2010 20:27

Oh dear god face book is a curse .....its caused me so much angst but can I say something....DONT WORRY....I have had friends requests from ex bfs new wives etc etc and they asked me(2 of them!!) what their dps had asked me when they friend requested me ,and do u know what they said to me? ....all about their wives and dc it was nothing to do with the time id known them etc etc .

Just let it go its just curiousity bjesus even the girls that bullied me at school have tried to add me.

FabIsDoingPrettyWell · 02/03/2010 20:28

You are being a little ott imo.

It doesn't have to mean anything.

Ask him, casually, about it, just as you would if it was male friends he was looking up. Don't turn it into something it probably isn't.

If he is up to no good, kick his ass but until them, calm down.

Portofino · 02/03/2010 20:34

I looked all mine up - at least the ones I can remember . Just curiousity. I have my first love as a "friend" - he accepted but i have never dared send him a message.

Sazisi · 02/03/2010 20:36

I'd feel annoyed, too, even though I've looked up all my exes

jenduff · 02/03/2010 20:37

Same as portofino and sazisi

Sazisi · 02/03/2010 20:38

Don't have a go at him about it - they are all in the past and you don't need to worry about them

MarionCole · 02/03/2010 20:38

I'm a bit of a cyber stalker and always keep tabs on what my exes are up to. It's just nosiness. DH has his ex as one of his FB friends, I'm not bothered in the slightest. He's married to me now. We all have a past and I think it's dangerous to try and pretend it doesn't exist. I would far rather have it all in the open.

sungirltanhasanactualhairstyle · 02/03/2010 20:39

awww. i look up exes from time to time. i can honestly say i have never had any dodgy intent whatsoever. i am just nosey innit. and i look at photos too.

Wolliw · 02/03/2010 20:41

I'm friends with three serious old flames. We're pals. Two of them are married and one has a child of her own.
They are my exes, but they are also old friends.
I really wouldn't worry about it.

Mowgli1970 · 02/03/2010 20:41

I've looked up tons of people I've known in the past (including exes but lots of acquantainces too). It's partly nostalgia, partly to do with getting older and partly sheer nosiness! Incidentally, I can quite happily look through 4 albums of strangers' photos if their profile is open - I think it's wondering if everyone is having a party while I'm at home doing the housework if that makes any sense!!! Don't worry - the grass isn't always greener on the other side. If he doesn't give you any other reason to doubt his fidelity I'd forget about it. Or you could casually mention you've been friend requested by one of YOUR exes and see what he says?

hogshead · 02/03/2010 20:43

me and Mr Hogshead got a little tiddled one night and looked up all our exes together! How we chuckled!

although having just written that i think perhaps we should get out more

cakewench · 02/03/2010 20:53

yep gotta say, I've also looked up an ex or two in my time. Yes, the old double standard- I might be momentarily if he were looking up his. But I don't really think he'd contact them, and I suppose that's the question really. Otherwise it's just idle curiosity imo.

RuthChan · 03/03/2010 19:21

A couple of my exes are friends on FB.It's interesting to see what they're up to, but seeing them reminds me why we broke up as much as why I liked them.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 03/03/2010 19:57

YABU
I looked up all my exes. Idle curiosity.

sb9 · 03/03/2010 20:33

Yep we all do it just to nose around at what people look like etc. I asked my husband if he had looked at exes and he said yes and i said snap and we both laughed! Human nature, there are worse things you could have found so relax...x

AnyFucker · 03/03/2010 20:43

I think you can be reassured it is plain nosiness/curiosity by the fact he has searched for more than one of them

if there was obsessive checking up on one, maybe you should be concerned

I reckon he was bored and just fancied nosying

and for all you that say you have done it, but wouldn't be happy if your partner did it...have a talk to your yourselves ...

usualsuspect · 03/03/2010 20:45

Facebook is for stalkinghaving a nosy

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