to resent DH for going out?

[RelieRoo]

I have a 5 week old DD, who is wonderful until it gets to around 5pm, when she turns into a screaming banshee. She wants to either feed or be cuddled constantly and screams even when doing both things. There's nothing 'wrong' with her, I just assume this is fairly normal behaviour for such a small baby?

Anyway, I find evenings really hard to cope with on my own, but DH has a really stressful job and went out last week for a vent with a colleague from work and came home hammered at about half 11. We had a massive row into early morning, with me crying myself sick because I felt so unsupported and alone.

Anyway, he's going out again tonight and although I know he needs time to unwind, I really resent him for going out while the eveningsare so hard. Surely he can wait a few weeks for the evenings to get better before ge resumes his social life? I'm sitting in the dark with my scre\ming baby, white noise playing and only MN for my sanity. What should I do, AIBU, and a bit moany and pathetic?

You poor thing, new babies are always tough and it sounds like you're bearing the brunt of it with the colic

Unfortunately, in my limited experience, it takes men a while for 'new dad' mode to fully engage (i.e. by the time your offspring start demanding pocket money ) and he probably hasn't stopped to think how bloody awful it is to look after a baby, by yourself, all day and then, just when you think you might get a break, all evening too

Remember blazing row with insensitive husband after DD1 arrived - if it helps to know that he is now the most amazing dad since DD2 came along, but it took a while for everyone to settle into their new role?

Some blokes are just so daunted by their new responsibilities (i.e. being financially responsible for a whole family) that they freak out a bit at first and seem to do the opposite of what you want and need them to do - I mean, if you had the luxury of being able to walk away from a screaming baby and know someone else would deal with it, wouldn't you too? But it always settles down!

Mumsnet will get you through - in a few week's time things will be different. Promise.

I really do sympathise RelieRoo.

It's a hard one to answer, my dh and I had this argument over and over, and never really came to an agreement, thankfully my 2 dcs now go to bed at 7pm so no longer an issue.

Dh's excuse was he wasn't stopping me going out for a night whilst he took care of dcs if I wanted. The difference being I was knackered, I was breastfeeding, the few occasions I did go out in the first yr of of dcs lives I'd get constant texts 'dd won't stop crying', 'where are the babywipes?' etc., once he even drove to the pub I was in so I could nip out and breastfeed as he couldn't stop dd crying. So, I guess what I'm saying is, a night off wasn't really a night off.

But . . . that's not really his fault, I guess I also text him when he was out, he was also probably tired, he was just more able to disconnect and enjoy his night out.

Does your dh offer to look after your dd so you can have a bit of time to yourself? Maybe even on a Saturday morning so you can have a lie-in, wander round the shops, sit in a cafe for half an hour?

firstly, where abouts in the house are you/

if you are in bed in the dark with just mumsnet then stop now

go downstairs with the baby, turn the tv on, still with mumsnet but just try to do something you enjoy so you can feel halfway human

let him have his night out and in a few weeks time you can be the one to hand him the baby and go otu with your friends

I used to ahte my dh going out, we had endless rows, snidey comments etc

until i decided to play him at his own game so if he had one night out a week then so did I

I know if you're breastfeeding you can't immediatelty do that but oh boy, you can save it up

could it be colic? have you tried any thing for that?

Well, if he's usually a great dad in the evenings/ nights/ weekends then I would not want to prevent him from having a bit of fun. I remember that time very well (especially evenings- cluster feeds, colic, oh joy) and I have to say my DP was in almost always and if he did want to go and grab a beer with a friend, he would always ask me whether I would be ok on my own. Because he was very considerate of my needs, I then wanted to be nice to him as well iyswim.
OTOH if he was just going out twice a week without any care for us and considered it his right,while I was pacing the floor with colicky baby,then hmmm...not sure...

Couldn't understand why this thread kept coming up in most active list when it only had 4 messages, just found duplicate thread, all becomes clear!