to resent DH for going out?

[RelieRoo]

I have a 5 week old DD, who is wonderful until it gets to around 5pm, when she turns into a screaming banshee. She wants to either feed or be cuddled constantly and screams even when doing both things. There's nothing 'wrong' with her, I just assume this is fairly normal behaviour for such a small baby?

Anyway, I find evenings really hard to cope with on my own, but DH has a really stressful job and went out last week for a vent with a colleague from work and came home hammered at about half 11. We had a massive row into early morning, with me crying myself sick because I felt so unsupported and alone.

Anyway, he's going out again tonight and although I know he needs time to unwind, I really resent him for going out while the eveningsare so hard. Surely he can wait a few weeks for the evenings to get better before ge resumes his social life? I'm sitting in the dark with my scre\ming baby, white noise playing and only MN for my sanity. What should I do, AIBU, and a bit moany and pathetic?

If you really have no idea what is wrong with the baby and it is clear she is not ill, cold, wet or hungry, put her down for a small nap at 4:00, she might be overtired and the more you interact with her the worse than the screaming will be.

As for your husband, let him go out tonight BUT, on Saturday morning, once the baby has finish feeding, hand her to him and go out for a short walk, coffee, or whatever, you also need time on your own to recover.

Sit down with your husband and calmly (not when baby is screaming) tell him that you want and NEED his support. I don't think yabu to want him to help out.

As you say, this will pass and then he can resume his nights out.

It really does help to have another person there.

Agree that maybe baby is getting over-tired and may need to be put down a bit earlier. I have a 4 month old who can do the banshee bit when she is more than ready for sleep and her own space.

YANBU!

Perhaps have a friend or relative round for a takeaway or something on the evenings your DH is out. That way you're not quite so alone.

I like the Saturday morning suggestion.

As to the screaming, fairly normal I think. Hopefully it won't last very long. Have you tried lots of skin-to-skin cuddles? A wrap sling? Both at the same time?

is she cluster feeding and or colicy?

tis no fun but it does pass

either way, your DH should be around as much as possible to support you

sling - excellent at soothing babies

can you feed her laying down - if so, take yourself to bed and feed her there

if your DH is going out, can you ask him to get you a meal ready or at least some sarnies and a flask of tea so you can eat (get stocked up on some ready meals as well)

agree on the weekends, get your DD fed and then hand her over so you can get some rest

My DP loves a drink and to socialise but even he managed to stay home for at least 6 weeks after the birth of each of our DC. In fact DC4 is 6 months old now and he has only managed to go out once in that time as he's knackered!
YANBU

I don't think you are being puposefully unreasonable, but if DH has a stressful job, then I don't think it is unfair of him to want a night out to let go. I would, however, be VERY upset if he came back drunk. That is not acceptable imo, and if baby or you were sick in the night, he'd be useless. I too like the saturday morning suggestion. Let him have a night out once a week or so, and you have saturday/sunday mornings off to catch up with a friend/ go for a walk and unwind yourself.

This will pass, my DD was exactly the same for the first 6 weeks of her life. Then she turned into the most content and adorable baby overnight - it was like a light switch!

Deffo not being unreasonable- sounds just like my DD her time was 6pm and she screamed the place down was because she wanted her bed basically!
No matter how hard your OH works and how you appreciate them and know they work hard too it just grates a bit how they seem to be able to get away from the hard times when bubs keeps crying and you feel you cant do a thing for them!
Maybe arranging some regular time when you go out as a couple so you can talk over how it makes you feel and what could be done to make things run more smoothly would be just what you need atm. Good luck x

YANBU at all. However, sitting down for a serious chat about how much support you need could make him come over all defensive (if he's anything like my DH!) as he probably thinks he is being super supportive. The Saturday morning idea is great - he gets some time off in the evening, you get time off too, plus DH gets some baby bonding time and you demonstrate that you trust him to look after baby on his own. It always amazes me how many women don't ever let DH look after baby on their own even when the DC is a toddler. I think its crucial and also means he gets a better idea of how hard it can be to look after a very small but noisy bundle on your own which you do for a good chunk of the week. You don't need to go far and can also come staight back if baby needs an unexpected feed (or leave some EBM)

My DS is 9 weeks and I've just done my first night out (we've stopped cluster feeding now) - leaving a bottle of EBM with dad. It was FAB - I had a great night and DH was very pleased with himself for holding the fort for a whole evening (even though DS slept the entire time I was out!). We all deserve a bit of time off every now and again - it is a tough job!