Secrets

[Mowgli1970]

AIBU to resent my sil and niece for asking my 9 yr old dd to be a bridesmaid, but telling her NOT to tell me the colour of the dress and if I ask she must say "It's a secret." I have to drop her off for fittings and wait until they bring her back. I really couldn't care less what colour the dress is; personally I think it's an appalling show of vanity for someone to assume they're so special that everyone must be kept in the dark as if the wedding has been sponsored by OK magazine! My point is that my daughter shouldn't be told to keep secrets, however trivial, from me.

Well, it may be more a question of your DD wanting to keep it a secret to keep it a surprise for you. Kids love (nice) secrets and this one seems harmless. YABU

DD wants to tell me but is "not allowed" to. I just feel sad we can't talk about it or get excited by it in case she slips up and then gets into trouble with my sil!

I actually think that it is appalling for anyone to encourage your dd to keep secrets from you. I think I would probably totally over-react on this, but it is so basic that a child should never ever be told to keep something secret from it's parents.

Maybe if they'd used 'surprise' instead, it would be better all round.

I think the whole keeping the bridesmaid dresses colour a secret is ridiculous. My sister was bridesmaid for my brother's wife and wasn't meant to tell me the colour of her dress. Of course she did and I pretended it was a big "surprise" on the day - the girls in my family are terrible at keeping secrets! But seriously - the whole thing is so daft.

YANBU.

Really confusing for your DD- at 9, she isn't equipped to distinguish between 'good' and 'bad' secrets, and shouldn't be put in that position in order to flatter an adult's inflated sense of importance.

It's bizarre.

Oh FFS they are being precious twats! that would annoy me too

BREATHE, and let it pass, not worth falling out over, rant here instead!

I've never understood why anyone thinks other people give a toss what colour their wedding is!

If your DD is feeling uncomfortable about it, perhaps you could say that she could of course tell you if she wants but that you think it would be nice if it was a big surprise for everyone so don't mind if she keeps it to herself? It might make her feel a bit better about the whole thing, she doesn't have to know that you think they're being a bit crap.

agree about the good and bad secrets. I think you should tell your sister to say that it would be nice to surprise every body, and that's what she'd like to do. but that it's not a secret because she could tell if she wanted to.

When I got married last year I had so many people asking whether we were telling the colours etc...it hadn't crossed my mind not to! So no, YANBU.

imagine the suspense..... will the napkins be lilac or pink!!! oh I can hardly bear it.

bear it? bare it....

hardly stand it.

What aj and tethersend said.

YANBU.

I always thought that the only thing which was to be kept secret was the wedding dress and that was only for the groom. In the end our honeymoon destination was secret, but only to me as everyone else knew.

As for the colour of the bridesmaids dress, I just left it up to her to choose what suited her best.

Agree that children shouldn't be encouraged to keep secrets from their parents. It's bad practice imo.

It is annoying. Could you ask SIL and DN to make sure they call it a 'surprise' all the time rather than a secret, for the reasons you said? Then it's just a question of pretending to be excited about the big reveal while just rolling your eyes in private I suppose.

Agree with the secret v surprise