to not want to really bother with this 'friend'?

[Coldhands]

I like to say friend, but I probably mean casual aquaintance.

We met through a parenting website and get on really well. I do like her a lot. At first we used to meet in town but when her DD was constantly climbing out of the pushchair and running away, it got annoying and my DS started walking so we started meeting at her flat instead.

She keeps all her DDs toys except for about 3 in the bedroom that my DS isn't allowed in so there isn't much to play with. Anything he does touch, her DD snatches away and my friend says nothing. Last time I took a few of DSs toys and friends DD still snatched them and wouldn't give them back and my friend still said nothing.

We mainly talk on FB and often leave messages for each other on the trivial things of life. However if I send a message about anything more 'important' (ie she may be moving to America to live with some bloke she has met twice) she never replies and ignores it completely. I recently asked about her DD starting nursery (thinking it could be better to visit when her DD isn't there as she is a bit of a pain and is allowed to be), times, day etc and she has ignored it. If there is anything she does reply to, its always a bit vague so I give up. She doesn't have many friends as she isn't from this part of the country so I thought we would make good friends. She can't come to my house (I have invited her) as she doesn't drive and she would have to get 2 buses (so I understand this would be a bit too much but thought it would give her a chance to get out). The only time we meet is if I suggest it first. She always says yes, but I am getting a bit fed up with being the one to initiate everything.

AIBU to not want to bother anymore? To me this is not what true friendship is about.

YANBU

Yes, let this friendship fizzle out, it doesn;t sound like it's doing either of you much good. IN fact, it sounds like she is as disinclined to continue it as you are.

let it fizzle out

Yeah thats what I was thinking really. It is a shame as I do really like her, but friendship shouldn't take this much effort. Plus we don't tend to have the same parenting style (ie, actual discipline and following through on 'threats' which she never does).

I was having a discussion with a friend yesterday and we were saying how much easier it is to be friends with people who have the same values and basic parenting styles as you. I can't stand it when people threaten to punish their child (ie, if you do that again you will go in your room, a favourite saying of my friend in the OP) and never actually do it. What is the point? The child knows you are not actually going to carry it out, so will continue to scribble all over the walls, window and toys with a crayon.

I'd agree let it fizzle out, it doesn't seem like a two way street. YANBU by the way

Well, you don't actually sound like you like her - i would stick to your RL friends if i were you.

It's sounds a bit like you not only dislike her, but think you are better than her. You may be giving her this impression, which is why she is showing no more enthuisasim for the friendship than you are.

I think some friendships just don't 'travel well'. I have found some people great fun to work with and ended up socialising with them and becoming friends. However, when we changed jobs some friendships just petered out. Likewise, most people find that, within a year or two of leaving school, they have lost contact with the majority of their old school mates. This friendship seemed to work on line but didn't seem to translate into real life.

"It's sounds a bit like you not only dislike her, but think you are better than her"

No I don't think this at all! Does it really sound like that! And I like her a lot, unfortunately I am not too keen on her DD (which sounds awful I know, but I definitely don't let my friend see that).

I just sometimes feel a bit about how she handles her DDs behaviour. The last day I went, her DD had scribbled over all the walls (and I mean everywhere, not a little patch) and window with a crayon. My friend said she shouldn't have done it and that was it. Then her DD found the crayon again and my friend said she would take it away when she went to bed. Her DD then scribbled all over her toy. Friend took the toy and sat there scratching the crayon off while her DD drew on the table. Threatened to send her to her room but never followed through with it. This seems to happen a lot, her DD does something, friend tells her she will send her to her room but never follows through, or if we are in town and her DD is playing up, I've seen her buy a present for her instead.

I'm not saying at all that I am a perfect mother or have all the answers when it comes to discipline, but I don't agree with how she does things (I have never shown it to her in anyway), but maybe this is why it came across as me thinking I am better than her, which I really really don't.

Swanduck Yes it does seem to go better online, even though without our DCs we had a great chat on the one evening we went out. I suppose I will have to accept that this friendship isn't going to go anywhere.