Taking photos at partys

[Icanonlytry]

Something has been bothering me for a while now and im not sure if IABU. There is a dad who's DS is in my DD's class at school and everytime they are at a birthday party this man is constantly taking photos of all the childen.
He is obviously a keen photographer and that is fine but whenever any of the other parents ask to look at the pictures or asks for a copy he always says he will but then makes excuses about why he can't.
I know they are just normal photos of children having fun but it just seems strange why someone would want 100's of photos of other peoples children (thats not an exageration, he never stops for the whole 2hours of the party), especialy when lots of the partys are in the same place with the same group of children.
So AIBU or is this a bit strange. I would feel exactly the same if it was a mum taking the photos so its not just because its a man.

tell him not to?

YANBU. Sounds a bit weird to me as I would have thought it's easy enough to upload his photos onto a computer and email them to people. Could you gather some support and confront him nicely - express disappointment that you have never seen any of these photos and get him to explain why he can't let you have them?

Generally, I don't mind other parents taking photos of my child at parties, school concerts or whatever. But this sounds odd (not sinister, I think, just odd and a bit obsessive). Do you think he's using them in a book or for journalism?

I think I'd say that it's a bit intrusive so could he just take photos for 5 minutes and then stop. Or I'd give him a job to do, putting out the food or leading a game or whatever, just to keep him occupied.

It sounds a bit extreme. I sometimes take my camera to parties for something to do, as much as anything - and I always send all the photos (or all the decent ones) to the host parent. If no-one else ever sees the photos, what is he taking them for?

I do not have a problem with parents taking pictures of my dd at parties but yes this does sound a bit ott. If you are not happy with him taking pictures of your dc ask him not to. Why not ask him tactfully why he is taking so many pictures. When i take pictures of my dd i take a few of other peoples children and my dd as she might want to look back on them when she is older, like i did when i was a child and my dad took pictures of me and others at parties.

ICanOnlyTry - as you say, he's a keen photographer. I take loads of photos - at all kinds of occasions. I love photography & especially enjoy taking photos of children - this does not make me weird/scary/someone to worry about.

I don't especially like sharing my photos as they are personal, it's a hobby/art and it's personal (a bit like painting or writing) it's my view of the world. It's more than just a few snap shots to me. I would also rather show people them in a completed form (album/book) as I can be a bit posessive about them - in the way that I don't mind people having them, but like others to know they are my photos. LOL it's hard to explain without sounding like a nut job! The best way I can explain it, is that I feel they are my view of the world. If I had painted a picture you wouldn't feel it was your right to have a copy of it, you would respect it was my painting/my view - but because it comes out of a camera - it becomes public property.... so hard to explain....

If you asked for some photos in a genuine way because you didn't take your own camera (or just because you liked my photos of that occasion) I would, of course, print some for you (or email you some). However, if I felt you were doing it to check up on me I would be seriously pissed off.

Stelth - enjoyment of photography.
TrowelAndError - intrusive to what exactly?
Is he stopping the children playing? Is he stopping them having fun?

ChippingIn - Well, I was imagining (perhaps wrongly) that if he is clambering around the room while the children are playing, trying to get the perfect shot, then he may, yes, be getting in their way and, if not spoiling their experience of the party, then at least changing it.

And where I think your analogy with painting breaks down is that you could not paint my portrait without my sitting still for hours, so my consent would be clear. It would take a moment to take my photo. I would not mind at all - I work in a tourist area and am probably in the background of a trillion photos around the world - but if you wanted to take twenty photos of me at a party as part of your creative endeavours, would I not have some right to give or withhold consent? Do the parents at the children's party not have the right to say on their children's behalf that they don't want to be part of this chap's photographic project?

I speak as a formerly compulsive taker of photograph myself.

When you say he makes excuses, what exactly does he say?

I ask because I am always promising to do things for people (send people to links to useful websites, bring a copy of a book to lend them, send them baby clothes that mine have grown out of etc) that while I have every intention of doing them at the time of promising, I am a complete flake and fail to follow through.

It's because I'm disorganised and forgetful (and, obviously, quite annoying to have as a friend) rather than a mask for more sinsiter activities.

All I'm saying is that it's entirely possible that he's totally happy for other parents to have copies but he just keeps fogetting to get their emails/ print extra copies / remember that he'd promised / some other completely innocent reason.

TrowelAndError - I don't know if he clambers or not I know I don't I bet the children don't even notice me taking the photos - I never ask them to 'pose' for a photo if it's not 'my' event.

Thinking about it, as I have, since I posted - I guess I take loads of photos, but most of the time at 'my' events or friends kids parties etc and I know how much they appreciate any I give them (many are on walls, in albums, photo frames etc). I guess most other parties are 'drop & run' so no photos! But I do take them when we meet up at soft play, the park etc.

It just gets up my jumper that people seem to jump to the conclusion that you are some kind of weirdo for taking photos of children.

I used to like taking photos at the local park as the trees and colours of the play ground equipment make for great photos - but I rarely do it now and seldom without kids in tow - but if I do, I ask the parents if they mind first. If I take photos of my kids and other kids are in the background then I don't ask though.

Of course someone can ask you to stop taking photos of their children and if asked I would - it wouldn't stop me thinking you were being precious (unless I was being really creepy and following your child around and only taking photos of him/her!!).

As for painting v photo - I know what you are saying, but it's the best comparison as to how I feel about my photos - that they are mine, my view and personal to me. I woudn't take, like 20, of you and just you, without asking - but you might be in the group, background of 20 photos... to me, there is a difference although I am not sure I'm explaining it very well!!!

ChippingIn - I agree that it is wrong (and a sad reflection of the times) to assume that anyone taking photographs of children has bad motives. I do understand how you feel about your photos as an artistic and creative endeavour.

My father took thousands of photographs of me and my friends as kids, but that was thirty years ago and nobody would have thought twice about it.

It really is a sad state of affairs we have come too.

As an aside, here is a more extreme example of this:

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1254175/Father-stopped-taking-picture-son-4-childrens-tra in-ride-case-paedophile.html

i think he should send you some of the pics, i would be annoyed if he keeps taking but does not send but i wouldn not be annoyed about the actual pic taking just that he is taking them all and wont send to people as i think that is a bit rude

ODD! Very ODD! While I think that some people worry too much about photos/videos of their children this does strike me as strange. I can understand him taking lots of pictures at his own childs party or a couple of his child enjoying him/herself at another party but this does sound over the top!

I am a childrens party entetainer and have been for 15 years and I have NEVER witnessed someone who is neither a family member nor a close friend behaving in this manner at a party.

Having said that, my friend did point out once that the seriously sick minded have their own websites and probably wouldn't get off on regular pics of children. Sorry that sounds horrible but you know waht I mean.

Firwala - why is it rude to take photos and then not spend your own time & energy sending them to other people? His camera, his time, his effort??

I don't understand your sense of entitlement - if you want photos of the event - take your own camera.

There is a dad who did that but it was his son's party and when he sent thank you letters there was a very nice pic of Ds3 with it. I thought it was really lovely.

Maybe the dad at your party was innocently taking pics of all the Dcs to make a album of them for his Dc to remember their friends when they get older (a bit like a school photograph but with individual pics)

I prefer to think there is a very innocent explanation myself as I am tired of having to imagine the worst all the time.

We send thank you photos too - it's fun to do after the chaos of the party and takes the tedium out of 'Thank you cards' which to my mind are a bit pointless as you have already said 'Thank you for coming/Thank you for the present' on the day - however, it seems the done thing with the kids here - so we conform [and it's not often you'll hear me say that!!].

We do that too Chippingin - generally with my father's photos as I never have time to pick up a camera during my DC's parties. I did wonder why I was bothering once, after a particularly protracted battle with a printer, but then soon after we went to one of DS's friends' parties, and there on display in their kitchen were 3 years worth of Thank you cards from us with photos of their child on - so they are appreciated by some people

It's nice isn't it when you see that someone appreciates them!