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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not want DH to buy a motorbike?

23 replies

noarguments · 01/03/2010 13:13

He really really wants one, has borrowed a friends for a while, loves going out on a summers day etc etc. Coming up to a big birthday, wants to have one for leisure use (not every day).
I hate the things with a passion, I am scared silly he will hurt himself or worse. I also don't want the kids to ge tthe motorbike bug for the same reason. Plenty of local and family tragic stories to back this up, but he is very tunnel vision about it (like he is about many other things), and he'll resent it for ever if I don't agree.
So I need ideas of how to help him change his mind.
Is that unreasonable? Does anyone have any ideas

OP posts:
Iklboo · 01/03/2010 13:15

Tell him you've read a great review of the new Yamaha/Suzuki/Harley MLC. If he says he's never heard of it tell him it stands for Mid Life Crisis

amber1979 · 01/03/2010 13:18

How old is he? If he's beyond say 40, he does not have the reflexes to begin learning to ride a motorbike from scratch. Take it from me, I've been riding a motor bike for years.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 01/03/2010 13:21

Sounds like he can already ride. How would he/you feel if he took some refresher lessons, or a course with the Advanced Motorcyclists?

Lucyellensmumma · 01/03/2010 13:22

yep tell him he is going to be a BAB born again biker. My DP was a biker when we met and i loved going to all the rough ol' bike shows and festivals with him. It all felt very rebellious and after i got over the initial terror, i loved riding pillion. Anyway, he sold the bike, last of many, bought a car, we moved in together and he never got another one. Not long before we had DD, our little surprise - we started looking at harleys and realised that we were turning into BABs. Time to move on..........you know, grow up

I would be HORRIFIED if DP were to get a bike now, he does miss it but well, the last bike he sold was involved in an accident and the guy is in a wheelchair . No more bikes for us.

Statistically it shown that there are more accidents involving older riders who are riding for leisure. So basically what this means is - bombing around with their mates - my DP is the worlds most sensible driver, but put him on a motorbike and all reason flies out the window - i was the same and im scared of my own shadow normally.

I wouldnt be happy, not one tiny bit - saying that, tis your DHs money and he can buy what he wants with it, the other side of that coin is - he needs to respect that he has responsibilities and it is stressful for you to have to worry while he is out playing with his new toy.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 01/03/2010 13:27

Do you have any idea what kind of bike he's after? I'd be more concerned if it was a sports bike than if it's a Harley.

Size0HereICome · 01/03/2010 13:28

We call them donor cycles in the hospital.

My dh would also like one but I think they are dangerous, however, if I wanted something and he stopped me I would probably be resentful.

FWIW I was more hurt in a horse riding accident than dh's friend on a motorbike.

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 01/03/2010 13:28

dh has a motorbike. He bought his first nearly 10 years ago, when he was, what 27? He had to do a course though, to add motorbike to his license. It has brought him a lot of joy, early sundray rides out through villages south of London, etc. But it is an expensive hobby. The bike, the gear, the insurance, the mags, the road tax, etc. But, it does not include family fun.

amber1979 · 01/03/2010 13:28

what Lucyellesnmumma said.

Though, you could try and persuade him to get a sidecar.... Be more stable lol.

Anyway, if he insists on getting a bike - try and guide him away from japanese crotch rockets - sports bikes. They are far more dangerous than say a harley.

squeaver · 01/03/2010 13:32

My dh has had a motorbike since I bought him one for his 40th birthday. Before that he had a scooter for about 5 years. It's not a very powerful bike and he uses it for getting about town.

The reasons I am ok with it are:

  • he is VERY VERY careful. He is not a speed freak, he is not a "biker" type of person. In fact, he's probably more careful on his bike than I am in a car.
  • he only uses it for shortish journeys. He'd never drive it on a motorway, for example, or across India (what WAS the outcome of that thread btw?)
  • he has been on a couple of advanced riding courses. One was with the police and was really excellent in terms of learning about road awareness etc

But I'm not going to say to you that yabu because I really think it's up to the individual and their own circumstances. If I told my dh that I didn't want him to ride his bike any more, I do think we would just sell it. As it is, I'm ok (for now) with it.

And he's still never told his parents (a source of great hilarity among the rest of his family).

Maybe speaking to the police who run the Advanced courses might help change his mind. And at the very least, I'm sure he'd want to go on one of the courses if he spoke to them.

squeaver · 01/03/2010 13:36

Quint's point about expense is a good one. They're not cheap things to run. And I don't know where you live, but we've lost count of the number of times someone's tried to (or managed to) steal bits off dh's bike.

Itsjustafleshwound · 01/03/2010 13:41

I think the easiest thing is to leave it, but make your opinion of bikes well known ...

Personally, I would hate my DH to have a bike (and he was a bit of a motorhead in his youth) - it doesn't matter how careful he is or how many advanced courses he completes - it is still him on a powerful machine vs big cars, trucks and oily, wet roads .... it is a real no-brainer for me. If however, my DH won the lottery and we had a biggish farm or woodland - I wouldn't object to him riding around there on a bike (recaptured youth)

I think the operative word in your posting is summer and dry roads ... lots of chance of that living in England

Is he just going to get more stubborn the more you object??

noarguments · 01/03/2010 13:54

Wow, I go out to grab a cheese sandwich and I have a whole load of replies. Yes, he will get more stubborn the more I object (and he'll lay on the guilt too). I don't think I'm going to win this one, but will make suggestions re refresher courses, mid life crises, too old to learn , and anything else you come up with....

OP posts:
noarguments · 01/03/2010 14:01

Laughing about the DH who is not telling parents!

I will definitely NOT let him keep it a secret from his parents - MIL will do her nut with worry, and will be much more vocal and emotional about it, so he might sit up and notice.

Am not being a killjoy honest, I'm just frightened for him, and for us as a result.

OP posts:
SexyDomesticatedDad · 01/03/2010 14:06

My DB has been a biker for years although he has had a few friends killed and indeed has been re-built a couple of times - each accident was not his fault (as proved in court a couple of times!).

assumetheposition · 01/03/2010 14:06

DH knows that a motorbike is non-negotiable. He is allowed as many silly clapped out old cars as he likes but not a bike.

I think it really comes down to how he sees it though. I hate it when DH says I won't 'let' him do things - like I'm his sodding mother or something. However he knows how much it would upset me if he bought one and (I hope) that's the reason why he doesn't.

squeaver · 01/03/2010 14:07

I know - he's 47 years old ffs. We've had some comedy moments hiding the bike helmet over the years. But his mother would never sleep again.

Getting MIL onside sounds like a good plan.

dorisbonkers · 01/03/2010 14:19

We were both sportsbikes riders before I had my baby. In fact I rode my Kawasaki ZX6R in SE Asia to work and back until I was 4 months pregnant, and that was only because the bump got in the way of the tank.

But having had my daughter, I'd be reluctant to ride again. Even a push bike.

My risk profile has dramatically changed. Plus I don't really have the time to do separate things. It would be nice to get into work easily but riding in London (I have years of town riding experience and advanced riding on a range of bikes) is risky. I reckon actually riskier on a pushbike because you're travelling at a different speed from other road users and aren't so visible, but that's another issue.

I understand the appeal and really I suppose he can consider your feelings but that ultimately he has to make the decision. If he feels he hasn't made an informed decision, he may feel resentful. He should also be aware that it takes away weekend time from the family (he may argue that he needs his space, but don't we bloody all - can't have everything, lovely kids AND loads of free time...)

For what it's worth, I rode every day on a mentally fast bike in town and in places like Malaysia for about 12 years and apart from the odd minor slip never had anything happen. My husband was a bit unluckier (funnily enough on trail bikes) and broke two limbs.

He's still got a 1970s classic Bonneville that he will ride this summer, but it's not reliable enough to ride to work.

Could he get a sportscar instead? That's what we did, got a creditcrunchtastic Porsche 911 -- we can all use it then, plus it's safe (if you don't drive like a loon) fairly fuel efficient, you can get a britax in it. But it helps that the front passenger has no legs....

But could be a way to tick the mid-life-crisis box in a way that isn't totally unsafe and that you can use too.

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 01/03/2010 14:38

DH has done a lot of motorbiking in India. Along beaches from Goa and south....
In the mountains, on bad roads, had near crashes with goats in the dark, on roads with no streetlights. You know, it could be worse, your dh only wants leisurely rides in the UK, not India!

Having said that, dh has not had any accidents in India, but he has had two bad ones in the uk.

Oh, and he has left ONE bike behind in Geneva, it was so badly damaged it was not salvagable.

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 01/03/2010 14:39

I wont ride pillion with dh. What would happen to our children if we BOTH were badly injured in an accident?

mermaidspurse · 01/03/2010 15:07

I sympathise, my dh was virtually born riding one I hate them, won't go on one ever.

I have always considered car drivers to be the biggest risk to him. I know he tries to second guess everything that is around him, but it is a big worry.

He has is a pretty nifty enduro off road biker though, has won lots of medals and cups. yawn.

I would second the courses above sounds a good idea.
What about one of those harley fest Welsh bike holidays, get it out his system?
My dh would probably leave if I layed the law down on his bikes but then I sail which he thinks is just as dangerous!

farri · 01/03/2010 21:13

my DH also is motorbike mad....I tried to stop him but it didn't work he resented the fact I was against something he loved so much. so I stopped telling him we now have two motorbikes in the back garden and one believe it or not in the kitchen! (its a classic and cannot be outside)

at least he has agreed to get rid of the boy racer bikes and settle for a slower classic bike

Flightattendant · 01/03/2010 21:20

I was about to post in support but realised I have just bought my fourth bike on Saturday so it would be hypocritical

The thing is,
bikes are very hard to leave behind once you have had one.
There's no denying they're dangerous, but you can become a superb rider with enough practise. The problem is getting enough practise...I used to ride every day all year round and dare I say it got very good at it - I could get out of trouble quickly, most times.

But having children I rode less and less, sold bike, now I've had a few years' break I was desperate to have another one, but riding it has brought back how dodgy it can be.

Can you suggest he just borrows one from time to time...or if he does buy one, make it a cheap enough one that it won't matter if it sits there and isn't used much. That way there's no pressure iyswim, to get value for money.

WhereYouLeftIt · 01/03/2010 23:21

Insist that when he buys the bike, he also funds extra life insurance, including cover that would substitute for a year's wages whilst he's rehabbing from an RTA. It doesn't matter how good a rider he is, how careful he is, he is sharing the road with some complete pillocks and the bike rider always comes off worse than the car driver.

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