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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want another baby?

11 replies

just1more1 · 01/03/2010 11:12

I have 3DC, 9,6 and 2. I would like to know AIBU to consider having another when Dc3 starts school when I have had 2 ectopic preganacies? and find pregnancy very hard? and although Dh has a good job we don't have much money or family help(no family near by).

OP posts:

interestinglino · 01/03/2010 11:27

YANBU. If that's what you and your DH want, go for it.
If you don't. you'll spend the rest of your life wondering "what if"

minxofmancunia · 01/03/2010 11:35

If you feel after careful and thought out consideration you'd be able to continue to provide for your family practically and emotionally on all levels then have another.

I think your primary concern needs to be the emotional well-being of your other dcs and how you'll cope bearing in mind you have little in the way of family support.

I'm afraid I'm not one of the "go for it" brigade when it comes to larger families. No one we know has more than 3 dcs despite being v well resourced financially and emotionally. I have only 2 though and am stopping at that as i couldn't even contemplate a life with more than 2 so maybe I'm not the bset person to give advice.

tartyhighheels · 01/03/2010 11:43

i think go for it too - regret can be for a long time. Pregnancy and indeed early childhood are often very difficult for many but really only for a short time.

I have 3 dcs - 9, 6 and 14 months and pregnant with my fourth at 40. I feel knackered, I have been more worried this time (but everything is fine) and am always rushed off my feet. I have no family whatsoever, we don't go out enough etc etc but i expect this applies to most people. We can afford it because they cost as much as you are prepared to spend. That said, we both feel completely blessed to have such a large family and I feel we are really happy.

This is not really a situation you can apply too much logic too, it is about how you and the Mr feel about it. Big families are lovely.

Original poster

just1more1 · 01/03/2010 11:45

thh I heart your post. It just seems like such a short part of life as a whole and this would defintley be the last one.

OP posts:

Elsewhere · 01/03/2010 11:48

yanbu - if you want to have another baby you go for it. You have time to work out the finance side - using baby clothes etc you have, second hand, saving a bit when you can for expenses when they're older.

Original poster

just1more1 · 01/03/2010 11:48

I am worried about having another ectopic and the effect on my mental health. But my DCs will be at school, so at least I will have head space to get over it.

OP posts:

tartyhighheels · 01/03/2010 11:53

Yes really hoping this will be my last one too - 5 would be a bit inconvenient and mean moving house and all that. Just hoping that the desire goes after this one (for my husband too).

My husband said to me the other day, 'just imagine in 20 or 30 years time, we will hopefully have Grandchildren - imagine how many we could end up with - all here playing together. I know it sounds a bit cheesy but I suddenly realised, we are just the start of this and we have so much to look forward to in the future. I am however resigned to living in a mess for ages yet.

Original poster

just1more1 · 01/03/2010 11:57

Hehe, me too, well mostly!

OP posts:

Whoamireally · 01/03/2010 11:58

Feels a bit to me like you've already decided what you want to do and it's approval you're looking for rather than a 'verdict'

I'm always of the view that you should go for it and see what happens - nature will decide for you if it's to be. Good luck!

Prinpo · 01/03/2010 12:07

Of course you should go for it, but then you knew that already, didn't you! Hope it all goes well for you.

PanicMode · 01/03/2010 12:15

I am pg with a very unplanned and unexpected 4th. And when I was struggling with it in the early days, my mother said to me that they regretted not having more children. I, like tartyhighheels, am also looking forward to (I hope) lots of grandchildren, and a happy and busy home for many years to come.

The only thing I suppose I 'regret' is that we won't be educating them privately, (as DH and I were) which we would have done had we stopped at 2 because we just can't stretch to it with 4 - and we probably won't go on as many foreign holidays as I did as a child etc, but they will have lots of love and people to share their childhoods with.

I think only you can say whether you feel you can cope mentally and physically with another pg, but if you and your DH are wanting to have another and you can cope with the practical and emotional needs of each one of them then why not?! Although, I have to say that although my parents aren't nearby, having them fit and able to help out is a godsend (but my number 4 will arrive as my DS2 turns 2!)

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