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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DS1 and his school he will NOT be taking part in anymore after school activities

36 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 01/03/2010 01:20

UNTIL his behaviour at home and NOW in school improves drastically!!

He went back to school Wednesday - Thursday i had call from school he had been acting a prat in class - spoke to him about it all seemed ok.

Fast forward today at 5.10pm dp's mobile rings its THE SCHOOL he was acting a prat in class again on friday.

So now i have to go to the school to discuss his behaviour. I have told him he will be going to school and home again until i see a marked change....do you think IABU?

OP posts:
Mumcentreplus · 01/03/2010 01:29

Yep good call..

solo · 01/03/2010 01:31

Just what I'd do ~ if Ds had any after school activities to stop...

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 01/03/2010 01:32

I was so pissed off when I got the call today...

OP posts:
sunnydelight · 01/03/2010 07:13

Sounds like a sensible strategy, you obviously need to do something.

123andaway · 01/03/2010 07:22

Do school not deal with 'acting a prat in class' without having to call home??? I think if our school called home everytime a child acted like a prat (especially one of mine!!) they would soon bankrupt themselves with the phone bill!

YANBU to think his behaviour needs to be dealt with. School are being unreasonable (unless it is a persistent problem or there are other circumstances you haven't mentioned) to 'pass the buck' onto you.

compo · 01/03/2010 07:30

What school opens on a Sunday?

kreecherlivesupstairs · 01/03/2010 07:34

OP, you are not being unreasonable.
Compo, have you considered time differences or country differences? When we lived in Oman the weekend was Thursday and Friday.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 01/03/2010 07:58

123, I think thats why they called because it is persistant . stupid thing is he is working above average for his age.

Compo, I should have said the Teacher phoned - from home. And the school is open on Saturdays as well for detentions...

OP posts:
overmydeadbody · 01/03/2010 08:04

yanbu

Sounds like he needs a wake-up call. Sometimes drastic measures are needed.

Good luck.

pigletmania · 01/03/2010 08:07

TLE you are right to ban activities until your ds shows an improvement. However dont most children act prats in class? How old is he? If he is at primary level it is quite usual, what do they expect little angles and robots. CAre the teachers not qualified to deal with a little silliness . If the behaviour escalated and yoru ds was answering back, being rude, and violent than yes that would be cause for concern. I remember acting a prat in my class teacher dealt with it and parents were not called each time it happend they woudl be more annoyed at the school than me tbh.

I am 32 btw so not that long ago. I remember there was a teacher at Primary school who was rather large, as she was taking maths i got a ruler and was practising aiming a rubber at her, i accidently let it go and it hit her , she told me off quite severely and i never did that again.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 01/03/2010 08:17

I think the issue the school have is that he is not working to the level he is capable of iyswim? because he is mucking around, talking, not listening fiddling with things on his desk.

He is in year 7 so 11 yrs old.

I just spoke to the school, well the head of house and she is about to go into debreifing but she will be calling me back later.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 01/03/2010 09:25

Oh TLE your ds is an older child, right then yes ban activities. Is he being stimulated enough at school, he might be bored if he is very clever and that might be one of the reasons, that they might be working below his level. Have a talk to the teachers about it, and talk to him too

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 01/03/2010 09:54

Piglet,he always says he is bored because he has finished his work so ends up chatting grrrrrrr am so going to gag him haha.

OP posts:
NikkiH · 01/03/2010 10:28

Good move. Might be worth discussing with the school when you get a chance, what steps they will also be taking to stop his behaviour. Could you, DS and an appropriate teacher (at my DS1's school there's some kind of behaviour mentor type teacher) get together and discuss why he is behaving like this? If he isn't feeling challenged enough in school and therefore can't be bothered putting in the effort, the school needs to be doing something about it!

heQet · 01/03/2010 12:33

Not unreasonable at all.Just make sure you carry out what you threaten!

Earlybird · 01/03/2010 12:35

Maybe you've said and I missed it.........how old is ds1?

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 01/03/2010 12:40

HE,i plan on carrying it out, have told the school already

EARLY he is 11

OP posts:
Earlybird · 01/03/2010 12:43

Ah, so old enough that he should be able to control his impulses, and to differentiate between acceptable and unacceptable behaviour.

How does he explain himself? What is (are?) his excuse?

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 01/03/2010 12:53

Early his excuse is he finishes his work and i bored

OP posts:
interestinglino · 01/03/2010 13:10

If he's finishing his work before everyone else, surely the teachers should be making sure he has more challenging work to keep him busy?

troublewithtalk · 02/03/2010 08:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 02/03/2010 10:29

I agree the school should be dealing with it. They phone me everytime he talks in class,fiddles with pens on desk etc and tbh it is getting tedious!!

Have got a letter from them today because he has been off prior to holidays with D&V they want to discuss a way to improve his attendance ffs 1 week off!!!

OP posts:
StayFrosty · 02/03/2010 10:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 02/03/2010 11:26

Frosty,sorry it came over that way in actual fact it is DS1 i am finding tedious well his behaviour. I know the school probably have the same problems with him as I do in as much as they are fed up talking to him and asking him to stop...boy does he wear your patience after the 20th time of asking him to stop.

As for the behaviour in the summer it is getting worse he now is knife happy and i am waiting for an appt with CAHMS....Which i hope will be sooner rather than later tbh.

His behaviour at school has never been a problem in fact aside from the chatting and fiddling they are very impressed with him which is one of the reasons i am infuriated by this because it proves he can behave if he wants to....and it also backs up the diagnosis of ODD- which previously i brushed aside and said no he is just being naughty.

OP posts:
PorphyrophillicPixie · 02/03/2010 12:06

Coming into this a bit late, but if he's one of the top in his class, as the others have said and you have acknowledged he is most likely bored.

Not only that though but from what I remember in school the last term of year seven is when kids started to feel comfortable in their groups and in the school and started to piss about more and let the peer pressure of misbehaving really affect them.

Do the school have any of those 'gifted and talented' classes that he could maybe join in the subjects he's good at? that way he'll stay stimulated and away from his peers during lesson times which would create less time for him to be a nuisence (sp?).

also on the after school activities, I half agree and half don't with the notion of taking him out of them. Best case scenario is that it improves his behaviour which would be fantastic, but there is a chance that the lack of stimulation completely will cause his behaviour to deteriorate further. But if you do say it, you must stick with it.