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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take away the huge quantity of sweets given to my children?

34 replies

Purim2010 · 28/02/2010 21:36

Today is the Jewish festival of purim - is a custom to give food gifts to other people.

Today DS(3) and DD(6) got given huge quantities of sweets chocolates lollipops etc. I have let them eat unlimited quantities of what they were given today. I can't even count how many lollipops they ate today.

Am I being unreasonable to "get rid of - ie bin" the lollipops, and chewy and boiled sweets. I plan to put everything else eg snacks, chocolate, crisps, jelly sweets, fruit sticks, raisins, biscuits in a bag and let them take one thing per day.

Both children have also tried to hide significant quantities of what they were given in their bedrooms. I plan to raid this "secret stash" too.

My DH says I am being totally unreasonable and that the food was given to them therefore its theirs. I think I being generous as I will let them eat the stuff I think is less offensive. I am also rather concerned that other parents think its reasonable to make up food parcels containing hard sweets and lollipops. My gifts to other people included a juice, a humzinger, raisins, and fruit.

OP posts:

thirdname · 28/02/2010 21:38

I have chucked sweets away when I could. More keen now that dd has a cavity in one of her tooth!!!

gingernutlover · 28/02/2010 21:40

i wouldnt give a 3 year old boiled sweets as I would worry about choking.

I think you are being a little unreasonable to chuck them, but very reasonable to look after them and let them eat them slowly. If it was me I would chuck about half to two thirds of the "offensive" stuff, if you chuck it all wont they ask where it is?

when you say huge quantities, how huge?

heQet · 28/02/2010 21:42

I think you should ration them. It would not be the right thing to do to let them trough their way through the lot at once.

Lulumaam · 28/02/2010 21:42

i would ditch the boiled sweets an the v v chewy ones. esp for the 3 year old. the rest i would put somewhere out of reach and give out at appopriate times.

it is a fun festival though.. am full of hamentashen (sp?)

tillykins · 28/02/2010 21:43

I wouldn't chuck them but would definitely not let them have them as and when they choose - I'd dole them out

shame its not closer to trick or treat!!

BimiBluebell · 28/02/2010 21:45

I would eat the majority of them myself.

Buzzybb · 28/02/2010 21:45

Could you not hide the sweeties/ sugar laden treats away and use the as treats in the future? I do this with my DD and the white buttons people turn up with for her, someone took the time to think of and buy something for your children let them enjoy it but on your terms [My mum used to say our xmas selectiion boxes used to last until easter which then took us through to the summer] Could you and DH not help eliminate the stockpile Enjoy them as that was the intended thought

Original poster

Purim2010 · 28/02/2010 21:45

I am only going to chuck the boiled sweets, chewy sweets and hard lollys. Imagine small kitchen food bag completely full?

Am keeping the soft sweets, chocolate, crisps, snacks, biscuits, cake and will let them eat gradually - there is about a full carrier bag of this!

Asking asking - plan to say I have binned the stuff thats very bad for teeth. They know I hate lollipops and know I am always trying to throw them away hence trying to hide stuff.

OP posts:

BrahmsThirdRacket · 28/02/2010 21:46

I think rationing would be a better option as well. You might have a bit of the screaming ab dabs on your hands if you bin the lot...

Joolyjoolyjoo · 28/02/2010 21:48

I ration sweets- selection boxes, party bags etc. My kids get allowed to choose one thing after dinner and just before they brush their teeth.

maybe I am draconian tho! But would no way allow them to have free access!

MmeLindt · 28/02/2010 21:48

I used to bin the cheap and nasty sweets and the boiled sweets that the DC got at Carneval. Bags and bags of them.

TottWriter · 28/02/2010 21:54

The only thing I would say is that if they're already hiding sweets so that you don't throw them away, they're clearly something that they love all the more because they can't have them.

I certainly don't think they need that amount of sweets (my god, a whole bagful?) at that age, but perhaps they could have some of them, which you ration out and make sure they clean their teeth immediately after eating. Otherwise, children tend to take every opportunity to get sweets whenever they can, and won't be as honest about it. If they know that they can have them every now and then, they won't feel the need to try and decieve you.

larks35 · 28/02/2010 21:54

This reminds me of when me and my sibs were all given loads of chocolate for easter one year, from friends of my parents. My dad (a dentist) took most of it and said it was bad for our teeth and that he was gonna chuck it. 2 weeks later, my bro was sent up to parent's room to get something and discovered the remains of our easter chocs. Cheeky dad had kept it for himself!!

OP, YANBU you've said you're keeping the less lethal stuff to eek out to your DCs, defo get rid of the nasty stuff (or horde it away to treat yourself with )

abbierhodes · 28/02/2010 22:00

I think children of that age hiding sweets is sad TBH. They weren't given to you, they're not yours to throw away. Ration them, by all means, and don't give the boiled sweets if you're worried about choking, but to just throw them is ungrateful and mean. Not to mention wasteful.

Original poster

Purim2010 · 28/02/2010 22:01

Lulumaam - yes fun festival - hamantashen are biscuit pasty things, have no problem with them eating these.

My DD said to DH this evening - "I know how mummies and daddies learn to be parents, its from their parents, grandma doesn't allow sweets either, and i'm going to do things differently when i am big - i am going to allow my children to eat sweets"

OP posts:

ChippingIn · 28/02/2010 22:11

Purim - what your DD said - doesn't that tell you something? You are only building up a situation where, when there are sweets, they will go mad on them. I don't think it's a healthy perspective....

I don't see the problem with lollipops or boiled sweets - they are 3 & 6.

Keep them all, allow them to choose what they want, you choose when they are allowed them.

Throwing them away in the bin is wasteful - if you really want rid, give them away.

2old4thislark · 28/02/2010 22:14

A 3 year old and 6 year old shouldn't have free access to sweets. Ok for today but fair enough to put the rest out of reach and ration them. Boiled sweets not good for children of that age so would throw them out(or put them in the car for me!).

I always had troubles with my mum giving my dc's sweets and ended up getting cross with her.

Original poster

Purim2010 · 28/02/2010 22:21

I don't see why boiled sweets or lollipops are suitable food for a 3 and 6 year old ever. Of course they taste nice because of the sugar but they are bad for teeth and empty calories.

My DH was allowed sweets as a child. He has a whole mouthful of filings. I wasn't allowed sweets (or even chocolate) as a child (so i am more flexible than my parents) and I don't have any filings.

Sorry i don't buy the wasteful arguement as I don't think anyone should eat sweets - they are bad for teeth and empty calories - to me it would be like coming accross cigarettes and throwing them out rather than giving to a smoker.

OP posts:

choosyfloosy · 28/02/2010 22:27

You are the parent here. What you suggest seems completely reasonable. Lollipops in particular are my bugbear as they just bathe teeth in sugar for so long. And sorry, but while my children are young, they say thank you for everything but I say what presents they can keep and use.

SpeedyGonzalez · 28/02/2010 22:27

Purim2010, I'm TOTALLY on your side. There's a lovely shopkeeper near us who always gives DS a sugary sweet - so kind of him, but now that DS has twigged that they're edible (usually I tell him it's a toy - well, he's 3, nobody needs those things, do they?) I tell him I'll take it and he can have it later. Then they mysteriously 'disappear' and he never remembers them.

I also agree with your list of what's acceptable sugary food for young children. At some point they will start spending their pocket money on sweets and it will be out of our control, but until then...

IMO it's part of our job of teaching them to manage their diets and look after their teeth. I also teach him to 'clean his teeth' with an apple/ glass of water after cakes, biscuits, choccies, etc. And I am ROFLing at the idea of throwing sweets away as being 'wasteful'! Surely it's only considered waste if it's an actual food product, right? As opposed to a bunch of E -numbers in coloured packaging! In my book that's on a par with calling Maccy D's a 'restaurant'!

(sorry, hope I don't sound like I'm taking the piss, I just think that's very funny)

katiepotatie · 28/02/2010 22:32

I would ration them, dd (3) is still getting stuff from selection boxes now! she's also getting her brothers share he was given loads too at christmas, he's only 9 months now!

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 28/02/2010 22:43

I'd let them gorge for a few days - get the sugar over in one hit rather than little and often which'll be worse for the teeth. Maybe save some boiled sweets/lollipops for halloween, but TBH if it were me I would just let them have it. DS lived on selection boxes for a day or so over Christmas (not literally, but he ate alot of junk!) then back to normal. They will probably eat and be bored of it after a while and self ration.

ouryve · 28/02/2010 22:58

DS only got a Cadburys selection bag at Christmas, but we rationed that. He was allowed a small piece of something straight after his lunch for a few days, then once the novelty had worn off, DH ate the flake and other things just got given as occasional treats. He just finished it, this week!

A few Americans I know have the same situation as you around halloween. They tend to let their kids gorge for a day or two, then take it away, keeping the best stuff for themselves and just one or two things for treats. Generally, their kids don't notice or care that they don't get to eat everything.

Ellokitty · 28/02/2010 23:34

YANBU. I don't like my DDs have boiled sweets, and as we're veggie, I don't let them eat Haribo either.

However, we have a sweet tin, all sweets and chocolate go in there, and then they can occasionally dip in from there. Our tin is still half full from the chocolate they got at Christmas!

This also allows you to filter out the chocolate you don't want them to eat, without them noticing. Also, saves arguments as I never buy chocolate in the shops - why would I when they have a tin full at home?

thumbwitch · 28/02/2010 23:38

YANBU at all, you are doing them a favour. Plus it means that they have the sweets for longer, which will be a bonus for them in a few days when they realise that.

I always ration DS's sweets/chocolate, wherever they come from. If they are completely unsuitable for him, I either eat them myself or give them to DH (or throw them out if we don't like them but that's a rarity!) but mostly they are saved for DS.

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