Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think visiting family shouldn't spend 2 hours sitting reading the newspaper?

51 replies

deaconblue · 28/02/2010 15:28

In laws were here for the weekend. They only see our dc's every 2-3 months and apparently were really looking forward to seeing them. It really annoyed me when they spent 2 hours yesterday afternoon sitting reading the paper from cover to cover while the children tried to get their attention. It's rude to sit and read the paper at someone else's house isn't it or am IBU?

OP posts:
BridesheadRegardless · 28/02/2010 18:29

Well if there is no interaction or interst whatsover then that would be disapointing and worthy of a moan, but grumbling about the audacity to spend some time doing what they enjoy for relaxation over the course of a weekend when they should be giving undivided attention to your offspring is rather unreasonable.

Gp don't have to be intersted in their grandchildren at all, they didn't choose to have them. When they are, it is a wonderful bonus and enhancement to the childrens, parents and their own lives, but ultimately that relationship is their choice.

mitochondria · 28/02/2010 18:59

I go to my parents' house and read their paper while they amuse my children. They probably think I'm being unreasonable.

I wouldn't begrudge them a couple of hours paper reading.

Not like my grandpa-in-law who sits down, switches Channel 4 racing on and watches it for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours.....

SixtyFootDoll · 28/02/2010 19:03

This is likemy in laws
WHen they visit the kids get so excited
ANd all the in laws want to do is watch countdown and read the paper , do suduko and the crossword.
They are beyond dull.
They only see teh DS's about 4 times a year , and I have to say it really makes me irritated.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 28/02/2010 19:04

Brideshead, whilst I can't fault your logic about GP's not choosing to have GC, if they are then not interested it is rather mean to invite them to stay andnot bother to interactwith them. I mean, the thought that they didnt choose to have GC is not really the sort of thing you put to a small child is it?

Feierabend · 28/02/2010 19:05

FIL, when he comes to visit, will say hello, then sit down in his favourite armchair and read the paper / do crosswords for the remainder of his stay. I feed him the occasional cup of tea and am grateful that he's out of the way

Bink · 28/02/2010 19:12

Sitting reading papers to me is an indication of cosiness - my parents do that when they're here, and I really like it, it makes me feel they feel 'at home'.

But then they are nice, and always bring food contributions, and clever presents for the children, and flowers for me, and that sort of thing - much more than I expect - indeed, I don't expect anything. Anyway, they're rather generous, so if all I have to do in return is provide the wine and the papers, it's a good deal.

The children get some attention (via the presents) and they certainly don't get cold-shouldered, but they don't get showered with fun & games. They (the children) wouldn't expect that either - the whole idea is for cosy family togetherness without anybody having to do anything more than sort of hang out.

BridesheadRegardless · 28/02/2010 19:13

Well no you wouldn't tell a small child that their Grandmother didn't choose to have them therefore she is allowed to read the paper. You'd say (as I do to my ds's about their grandad) 'grandad like to read the papaer in the morning leave him alone until he's finished and then he'll chat with you.'

Kids can susually quickly learn who will respond ad when to leave people alone if expecaations are explained.

I am lucky that my parents and ILs do love the kids, and I can imagine it's very disapointing and upsetting if they are disinterested, but ultimately they can choose whether they want to be involved or not and to what level and what their boundaries are or what they aren't prepared to give up for it.

Bink · 28/02/2010 19:14

Oh, forgot this is an ILs thread. My ILs don't read the papers, they flit in & spend 10 mins not finishing the coffee/wine we've given them, having a quick chat with ds & dd about whatever the children are interested in that moment, & then flit off to whatever social engagement is on for the evening. They're very independent. I am very fond of them too.

wobbegong · 28/02/2010 19:56

My parents make a huge song and dance about how I don't visit them.

When I do go to their house with DD (2.4) (once every two months or so), they greet us nicely, feed us lunch and then sit down and open the Torygraph and read it from cover to cover. I spend some time trying to stop DD destroying their glass ornaments at knee height, then take her out for a walk in the rain, then catch the train back home, where I await their phone call begging me to come and see them again because they "never see their only gc and she is growing up so quick".

OP YANBU.

pointysayhiphip · 28/02/2010 20:02

How long was the visit in total?
How old are these gps?
How old are the kids?

I cannot judge on this so far

UnquietDad · 28/02/2010 20:05

My Ils do the same. Drink gallons of tea, sit on sofa, read papers. And, in FIL's case, have unerring ability to locate any sport which happens to be on TV, usually the NYEEEEEOWWWW Forumula bloody 1 which NEYEEEEEEEOWWWWW has to have the most NYEEEEOOOOOWWW annoying sound in the world. You keep looking around for something to swat.

Oblomov · 28/02/2010 20:12

YABU.
we read the papers every weekend. Every other parent that we know is shocked by this, but funnily enough our 2 children aged 6 and 1.5 amuse themselves.GP are presumably at home n your house. feel relaxed. should take this as a compliment.no animosity, although am starting to question that. because they behave the way they do at home. totally attentive,. and then totally exhausted. and just want to sit and read the papers for a bit. seems totally reasonable to me. what extactly is your objection OP ?

HeadlessLadyH · 28/02/2010 20:23

I think the objection is that the GPs don't see the GCs very often and don't seem to want to interract with them.

I have the same objection with my FIL. Last time he visited he walked in the house, asked if I had a paper (I didn't) and went to the corner shop to get one. He then spent the next 2 hours reading it from cover to cover whilst barely acknowledging his 2 GC were in the house. He then re read it at bath time and I assume this was to avoid having to get involved in anyway. If it was him feeling relaxed etc that would be lovely, but its the fact that it was as soon as he arrived and then again later, to avoid interraction at all. Why bother visiting? He can read the paper in his own house if thats
all he wants to do. This was not the first visit that he did this either, its every time.

HeadlessLadyH · 28/02/2010 20:40

And its probably also down to the sort of relationship you have with the ILs and what sort of relationship they have with the GCs. If its a comfy relationship then reading the paper is prob not a big deal.

MrsPotiphar · 28/02/2010 20:42

let em read.
kids are dull

MrsPotiphar · 28/02/2010 20:43

i think parents need time OFF away from kids as it is quite exasting when you arent used to it.
id have let them adn then gone out myslef or whatever

MeAndMyMonkey · 28/02/2010 20:52

it's a sign they feel really comfortable
[glass half full emoticon].
I have been known to do the crossword at social/family occasions (cryptic of course).

thelunar66 · 28/02/2010 21:21

Aye.... what MrsP said

taffetacat · 28/02/2010 21:36

magenta - that is so lovely

agree with everything blink said - in fact I think we have the same parents/in laws. great that in laws feel so comfortable with you.

runnybottom · 28/02/2010 21:59

They're old and they've done their child rearing, leave them alone!
Christ on a bike, do you want the old dears on the floor playing barbies?

I think you're jealous it wasn't you sitting on your arse reasing the papers for 2 hours drinking tea. i would be

2rebecca · 28/02/2010 22:15

I agree that small children can be tedious. When we visited grandparents we didn't expect them to entertain us. They sat on the sofa (well grandad did, my grandmother seemed permanently in the kitchen) and they talked about adult boring things and watched TV. We just entertained ourselves. I was never brought up with the view that grandparents had a duty to entertain children.
They fed us fizzy juice, and chocolate biscuits and brought us comics.
That was fine.
When they visited us they sat and talked on the sofa, read the paper or a book etc.
I never saw them as childminders or playmates. They were just grandparents and always seemed old and although they loved us didn't really do "playing".

Original poster
deaconblue · 01/03/2010 14:13

sorry didn't get back to this last night. More info, dc's are nearly 2 and nearly 4. in laws are in their early 60's in good health and recently retired. They are fond of the kids but very lazy people, it's like their bums are attached to the sofa. But regardless of all this I think it's rude to read the paper at someone else's house beyond a quick 10 min glance. 2 hours with head in paper indicates boredom to me and maybe my kids are boring but it's rude to make it so obvious imo, FIL was even reading my Good Food magazine at one point, he's never cooked in his life! We didn't lay on entertainment on Saturday afternoon as we had been out and about til 3pmish and thought they may like to play with/read to/speak to their grandchildren for a couple of hours in the afternoon.

OP posts:
Saltire · 01/03/2010 14:26

Well those of you think the ILs are being rude, you will think I am rude too, because on the odd occasions we go to FIL and step MILs I take a book and I sit and read it. The DSes get sent up to teh spare room "out fo teh way so you can watch a DVD". Meanwhile FIL flicks constantly through every (and believe me I mean every) channel on sky, each channel not being on for more than a minute. Then it gets stuck on a sports channela dn he and DH talk about sport, rugby,sport,rugby,people I don't know who have died,rugby, FILs friends are all called arseholes and idiots,more rugby.

you get the picture

StealthPolarBear · 01/03/2010 14:34

UQD, I think I agree with everything you say (not in a simpering way )
Well, apart from the thing/think debate of course!

PfftTheMagicDragon · 01/03/2010 15:54

I think that if you think that your grandchildren are dull, and that you would rather stay at home and read the paper, and you don't want to talk to anyone, or be polite to anyone, you should just do everyone the favour of being honest and staying at home!