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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to still love him

18 replies

claphamcutie · 27/02/2010 19:51

Ok, so he's a bit (a lot) of a bastard, but oh god, the thought of never seeing him again, never talking to him again, never knowing him, just makes me wants to curl into a tiny little ball and not see any light.

He hasn't slept with anyone else (I don't think). Flirted, yes. Kissed, perhaps. Lied to me about girls he's 'friends' with. Definitely. Thrown ridiculous tantrums over things I have never made an issue out of. ALWAYS.

But I'm not some sort of crazy mental partner, actually quite tolerant of this bs.

Why is it ok for him to act a certain way, and for it to be FINE, and yet, I can't do that. I can't act that way without a huge fallout.

Why do I do EVERYTHING for him, and would do anything for him to make sure he is ok, and he is happy, when I'm clearly not the most important person in his life?

Maybe I am being unreasonable, and maybe I am just having a tantrum, but surely as a couple, two people should feel equally imporant to each other and make equal efforts to make a relationship work?

I love him, and care for him so much, but just can't shake the feeling that he doesn't feel as strongly. Or that I love him, and he knows that, and just abuses it.

I know I should leave him, but I just can't.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 27/02/2010 19:58

i think you need to find a bit of self respect!

what do you get out of this?

mathanxiety · 27/02/2010 19:59

You love the drama this man brings to your life. Why? What's missing from your sense of self that this crazy-making man papers over?

BitOfFun · 27/02/2010 20:02

Because you are being a doormat.

heQet · 27/02/2010 20:02

Maybe it's not him and his treatment of you that you love so much as it is the idea you have of being someone who is loved and who loves that you don't want to lose?

claphamcutie · 27/02/2010 20:06

When we are together, things are great, and I'm so happy. I do get happiness out of this, at times, things are amazing.

Surely, your relationships all have parts which are a bit shite sometimes. Maybe at the moment it's just more shite than usual.

Or maybe I'm just deluded and love really is blind

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 27/02/2010 20:08

if he's lied to you about being friends with women, flirting with them and kissing them then he'll have lied to you about shagging them as well.

claphamcutie · 27/02/2010 20:09

OH MY GOD

You're all right.

Will stop being a moron.

ASAP.

OP posts:
BelleDameSansMerci · 27/02/2010 20:12

Strange post and resolution in a few exchanges?

How old are you claphamcutie?

BitOfFun · 27/02/2010 20:15

Crockadoodledoo

claphamcutie · 27/02/2010 20:17

The thought of being all alone. That's what keeps me from leaving.

28

So old enough to know better really. Ha.

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 27/02/2010 20:18

Well, that's that one sorted out.

Now then...the Middle East problem.

BitOfFun · 27/02/2010 20:19

Nancy

GypsyMoth · 27/02/2010 20:31

You packed and gone op??

heQet · 27/02/2010 20:33

stop being mean, people.

It is perfectly possible to have a 'light bulb' moment. Maybe when someone else comes out and says what you really knew all along but have been deluding yourself about.

LaurieFairyCake · 27/02/2010 20:34

You need to love yourself more than him.

A simple mantra - but it works.

BritFish · 27/02/2010 20:40

you love the drama, and you love the lies he tells you about caring for you.
you'll get it eventually.

mathanxiety · 27/02/2010 20:42

You can do far better, Claphamcutie. You do know that, don't you?

Foxymona · 28/02/2010 04:38

Well here's the deal. I MARRIED a guy like that- gorgeous and sexy and bloody useless. I now live a life of servitude to him, am Mum and Dad to our two kids and dream about choking him with a cheese wire. Dump him on the grounds of him taking you for granted and if he comes back crawling after a week or two of no contact then maybe.... Otherwise run for the hills!

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