to be slightly upset at 'ex' defriending me on FB?

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

A few years ago I met a nice man. We had a weekend together and got on very well. He flew down south to spend another weekend with me. He called me often and we had another weekend planned where he lived.
He has bipolar disorder and wasn't working though it was well managed.
At some point before the 2nd weekend he called me in a mess. Seemed like he was having a bit of a breakdown. I said what I could but not a lot I could really do. He text me a few days later to the effect of he was in a bad way, had to go to hospital, someone close to him had died, he couldn't deal with a relationship, sorry.

Ok, moved on, bit worried about him, but respected his decision. Got together with DH.

When FB became popular I searched for him but he wasn't on there. Recently friend told me some other ex of mine was on there, reminding me of this guy, so i searched again, he was there. Sent a friend request which he accepted. He then posted some very random thing on my wall about his EEG training and phys eed (whatever that means) which I didn't get at all. Msged him asking if he remembered me? Saying I was just saying hi and that I hadn't understood his post.

Now he has de-friended me. I feel unreasonably disappointed. It may be that he had forgotten me (but how many people forget someone they travelled 500 miles to visit, and whose house they stayed in, and who they slept with?) or thought I was someone else, or he was just taking the piss, but I don't understand. I did genuinely like him a lot and he seemed to like me. I now wonder whether he was using his mental health as an excuse to dump me, which would have been pretty shitty.

I know you will say IABU to have friended him in the first place, I don't know why I did really, just that I was quite sad at how it ended and I'm a grown up - the fact of us having slept together 5 years ago doesn't mean I have forgotten about him.

Still, maybe he just thought I was a mad stalker. But why the odd post? And from my profile it's quite clear I'm married with a child, so not as if I'm after him?

I need to get over it

Does your status show you as in a relationship?

He may be upset about that or be doing it out of respect for your new relationship.

And what difference does it make why he dumped you? He did. You moved on. You now have a DH.

How would he feel if he knew you were asking all these questions about an ex?

How would you feel if he was friends with an ex on FB?

My ex is on FB and is friends with our children on FB (obviously) but I have no reason to have him on my friends list. In fact I don't think any exes are.

Why do I want to know what they are up to now? Or want them to know what I am up to?

Move on.... before you get too preoccupied and it spoils your current relationship.

Yes it says I'm married. DH wouldn't mind in the least. He has exes on his FB. I was interested in this person because I had been genuinely worried about him, the way he spoke he sounded suicidal at the time and the thought had crossed my mind more than once that he might have harmed himself. Before he defriended me I saw his page and he looked happy enough so I'm happy to know he's fine.

It's hardly going to spoil my relationship, really. It was an idle thing that backfired on me and now I feel a bit but I will have forgotten about it by tomorrow.

Thanks

YANBU. You cared about this person and his actions have hurt your feelings. I would be upset if someone de friended me on fb even if we hadn't been close. It is no different to how I would feel if anyone in my life chose not to remain a friend. The thing is though, not all friendships last forever. It doesn't mean they were not genuine friendships at the time. Your life has moved on, so has his, just chalk this one up as being one of those things.

Sounds like the problem is that you had closure (I hate that word but you know what I mean) when the relationship ended but that he's taken that closure away by putting you in doubt.

If its any consolation, what he wrote on your wall sounds utterly baffling?!?

ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA haha...god knows!

I wouldn't care in the least if someone defriended me on facebook, but that might just be me. If it's any consolation, he still sounds a bit erratic- I wouldn't set too much store by it. At least you know he's alive and well-ish.

Thanks - glad you don't think I'm bonkers to have friended him. I guess I'll never know why he did it - maybe he accepted it impulsively then just decided he'd rather not have me on his list. Fair dos.

I'll put him in the box marked 'case closed' then

Maybe he is in a relationship with a very jealous partner?

I think that you might just be having a mad half hour and you'll be fine about it tomorrow.

You obviously still care for this guy (not in a you want him back, fancy, can't sleep at night kind of way)he has stayed in your thoughts all these years and you made the effort to find him.... now he's gone and rejected you for no apparent reason.

It's ok to feel a bit about it, but later on you'll snuggle up with your husband and tomorrow you will snuggle your DC and you will forget all about this guy.

indeed. Of course I still cared about him - we stopped contact abruptly in distressing circumstances and I had really liked him as a person, not saying I was in love or anything but I respected and liked him. I guess the feeling might not have been mutual but I'm over it! It was a long time ago. I suppose he's just a funny old kipper and I didn't really know him that well.

Reflecting back, I think he thought I was someone else as the post on my wall seemed to refer to stuff I should have known about but totally didn't. How humiliating! I guess he might have dropped me quick sharp when he realised he had forgotten who i was! Lol.

Love the face, it sums up how I felt about this very nicely!

You're wondering why someone with bi-polar disorder is behaving irrationally?

Err...

Do you really think this is irrational behaviour and can be put down to the bipolar disorder?
That would make me feel better

You're 'married' on FB and you're wondering why he defriended you?! Are you married now?

Irrational behaviour being 'put down to the bipolar disorder' would make you feel better???

Seriously?! You have no respect for him obviously

?
I'm married in RL, and also on FB. Yes it would make me feel better if this person's behaviour was deemed to be irrational because it seems hurtful in any other context.
Who do I have no respect for? This man or my husband? I actually respect both

'It seems hurtful in any other context'

It's FACEBOOK!!!

If you're hurt that he's deleted you when you're married then yes you have no respect for your husband - why would you care that an 'ex' has deleted you? If you're hurt because this man has deleted you but would find comfort from it being his disorder then you have no respet for him

Perhaps some kind of hobby might help?

Listen it will help i promise even if only to make you laugh!!

You're not, and don't need to be, very bothered about thisman really. Most likely explanatons are that he has an insane monogamist partner or hadfogotten who you are. Let it go now or you will drive yourself nuts.