Granddad who needs help

[erict]

Hi, I really need help! For the last few weeks I have taken my grandson swimming, where they also have a play area afterwards. two out of four visits I have had a problem with the same woman.

Her child runs up and steals whatever my grandson is playing with. I'll go with once, but second time I stopped her child and said "No - My child is playing with that" Only to be "excused me - what do you think you are doinged" First time, I was very polite, second time, I started to lose it.

Am I really supposed to allow this womans child to steal toys from mine? I don't go looking for trouble and I haven't noticed anybody else stop her child behaving this way. (I have noticed him stealing from others, but their parents accept this?)

Please give me opinions of how I should handle this. I'm obviously out of date.

Thanks all

I would and have done the same thing as you.

I dont think 'stealing' is the right word,I do however understand your frustrations,I too would do exactly as you did.

If this arises again I would say firmly NO!!! my xxxxx is playing with this,you can play with that and direct him to another toy if the other mother approaches you say to her you dont wish to argue with her but her son needs to understand that that toy is being played with by your grandson.

You're referring to her as 'this woman' - why don't you, next time, go up to her and say, 'hello, I'm erict, x's granddad'. Then she'll know who you are and maybe be a bit more friendly!

Its not really stealing is it if the toys belong to the play area?

Not sure how old the children are, but when mine were little and this situation arose, I'd say 'DS is having his turn at the moment, you can have a turn soon'.

You could then offer the child a different toy to play with while he waits.

Sharing and turn taking are things they are still learning if they are little, and it cuts both ways.

Do you think you may have been a bit over-stern with the other little boy? maybe that's why the mother was upset.

No YANBU to tell the child to wait/take turns. It is the adult's role to pipe up in that situation I think - otherwise how will the other child learn (if his mother's not telling him?) and how will your child learn how to politely deal with turn taking. It's good for our kids to hear us speak up for them. It's how they learn to do it themselves.

You did the right thing. It doesn't matter who the toy belongs to, this child must learn that he cannot go and take whatever he wants from others. I'm not really a fan of making a child take turns. If someone is playing with a toy, other children will just have to wait until that child has finished. It drives me mad when I see people making a child give up what they are playing with just to give someone else a turn. I am assuming there is other stuff to play with.

If the mother says anything again, just say that your grandson was playing with the toy first and leave it at that. If this child is doing it to others, you can't be the only carer there who must be annoyed by it.

Parents like this are a joke!

You are in the right so try not to lose your temper with her (it will make you look a bit mental )You are setting a good example to your grandchild so dont let her (the woman) get to you.

Just re-read my post and realized it doesn't come across how I meant it. I agree with everyone else that you did the right thing. But it occurs to me that maybe this mum said her 'what do you think you are doing' because she didn't quite realize that you were another person in the parental role. People can be very blinkered about what they expect sometimes.

But surely with one particularly popular toy, and lots of eager children, it is good to teach your children to be thoughtful of others. Otherwise its whoever gets there first has complete monopoly. Then you get pushing shoving and fighting.

I do think children should be corrected if they grab or snatch toys from others, but I also taught mine that you should consider other people. And I don't think you should 'lose it' at small children who are still learning social skills.

When this happens to me, I try and take back the toy whilst handing the other child something else and say, VERY sweetly, "Oh, Xxx is playing with that one at the moment, but here, why don't you play with this lovely one instead?", all the while smiling and looking like a caring sharing mummy

You are not being unreasonable!

YANBU

I would also speak to the other child. But I'm guessing they are toddlers, so I'd be very careful to speak a little more gently than I would to my own child.

Something along the lines of "X is playing with that. You can play with this"

How old are these DCs ?

Please try not to lose your temper. Even if your GC doesn't snatch, it IS a normal stage of development (depending on age), albeit one that needs to be picked up and corrected by adults.

I would like to give a genuine thank you to you all for the help. In answer to questions: 2.5 years old. Didn't "lose it" at child, but the second "excuse me" from the wide eyed mother pressed the button.

Amused by "introduce yourself" suggestion: Almost naked in a swimming pool - I think I would definitely be thrown out.

Comment: If you think you protect your child, wait until its grandchild - wow its a whole new level.

Finally: If you could skip the kids bit and go to grandparent - life would be perfect

Thanks again - this was genuinely helpful

ET

Ah, my apologies - I had thought this was play after the pool, and dressed!

You are almost making me jealous of grandparents, and I'm only 25 - a few more years to wait, I think!

I think you need to chillax a bit to be honest. I know its annoying but its the nature of these things, and personally I don't think it sets a good example to the kids to get are narky about it.
If it were me I would say something like , oh x is playing with that, you can have a turn soon, but if they snatched and ran (which toddlers do, its not quite stealing as they don't get it), I'd tell my kid that, hey, sometimes people are shits (not in those words!) and lets play with something else. Its a good lesson too, to not get all angry and upset over little things.