To think tht DP should make the effort to spend some time with ME

[Lucyellensmumma]

I knowi know, im being UR but i feel like shit, went for a job interview, didnt get the job - DP said we could go out for the day today but he thinks a walk to the town constitutes a day out - he will put DD to bed, fall asleep on her bed and that will be all i see of him - im sick of being in the fucking background.

Would just like someone to say to me "how do you feel" "are you ok" lets do xyz

Its the same every evening - he puts DD to bed, goes and rests on our bed because DD is just getting used to sleeping alone - i sit down stairs wondering if he will come down, sometimes i go and call him, he gets grumpy - its like he is avoiding being alone with me

Last time we were alone together? Don't remember

Can you organise a babysitter and a night out for the two of you?

talk to him

maybe he thinks you would rather be alone
maybe you are so grumpy he doesn't want to spend time with you
whichever, he is not psychic, he won't know why you aren't happy unless you tell him

babysitter and dinner v good idea

ive suggested nights out, but its virtually impossible re childcare. Now he is working in the garden DD is pestering him but i can't interest her in coming in, its bogging wet outthere and he is getting grumpy

You are probably right mrs Badger - he probably doesn't want to spend time with me.

Can't you put DD to bed and DH make a nice meal for you both to enjoy once she's asleep?

DD wont have me put her to bed - so it never happens

I get used to it - might as well be a single parent - maybe i will be!!

i remember you posting about this before, and getting lots of advice.. i am really sorry things haven't changed

some times you have to be really specific

i.e 'let's go to town, have a coffee/ pub lucnh, see a film, wander round the shops...'

and be really direct

DD won't let you put her to bed? because you've all fallen into a looong habit of DH doing what he does.

you need to take control and be direct with DP and DD about what needs to happen

"DD wont have me put her to bed" ???

Erm... who's in charge?

Well, maybe you could speak to your DH and set aside a weekend (so nobody has to get up early the next day) and really work on you being able to put your DD to bed? That is surely one of the main issues here? Because if you were putting to bed he wouldn't be resting/falling asleep on your bed and ruining your evening?

oh don't mind me lulumama, im just having a whinge!!

clam - DD is in charge, of course!!!

bedtime is getting easier tbh - DP is almost at the point where he can leave her to sleep so i dont want to be messing with that.

I was just feeling sorry for myself, poor DP is knackered most of the time.

We do need to make some time for each other though.

Well, if he's nearly cracked it, then don't mess with it for now. But once it's bedded in , then start gently elbowing him out of the proceedings a bit.
Be patient.