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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have moved myself and dd into ds's room while dh sleeps....?

18 replies

issysmilkbottle · 26/02/2010 23:12

dh is a terrible snorer and i have had a previous thread about this, he refuses to get help or use the nasal strips i got (reckons they'll give him a nose bleed).... He has been kipping on sofa alot as dd is 13 weeks and wakes in night for feed. Last night he slept in bed but snored so much that i found it so hard to settle dd at 4 after her feed and ended up whacking him in face with pillow to shut him up - i couldnt reach to poke as was stood up,... He then stormed off downstairs making more nose, calling me names etc...

Tonight he decided to go to bed at half nine as have to be up half six and has a cold coming on... I asked him to use nasal strip, he refused...

I had baby monitor on and could hear him snoring within minutes....

At ten i went up, got into bed and he kept rolling onto back and making alot of noise, i gently pushed and prodded him but no change... Dd started stirring and there was no way i could sleep...

Ds (age 10) is at his dads this weekend so i decided to move me and dd (in her moses basket) into his room and this is where we are now! I tried gently waking dh to tell him but he wont wake so i have sent him text hoping he might wake for that.... I know he'll say iabu but am i?

He needs to sleep for work, me and issy need to sleep also, isnt this the best solution or aibu?

OP posts:

Dominique07 · 26/02/2010 23:14

Sounds alright for tonight but how will DS feel?

bellabelly · 26/02/2010 23:15

Why are you trying to wake him up to tell him? Moving into the other room for tonight seems v sensible - don't know why you're worrying about it?

Treeesa · 26/02/2010 23:18

sending him a text....

can see why you might have done that but in the morning he will read it and .....

...you are in the same house together.........

ooooh I don't know - am a believer in sleeping in separate rooms due to when snoring is preventing me from getting enough sleep but I'd go and delete the text..!!

thisisyesterday · 26/02/2010 23:18

he is a complete twat.
god, i hate people like this.

he is causing you, and the baby, major sleep deprivation. but will he do anything about it? ohhhh no. selfish selfish selfish

Original poster

issysmilkbottle · 26/02/2010 23:20

it is only for tonight, wont tell ds...

Hopefully itt might make dh think and agree to do something..

I was trying to tell dh so he didnt wake and panic where we were which could result in him having a go at me/waking dd.... I know that if kept quiet he'd fall back asleep quickly unless he decided that this was an elaborate way of having a go at him... Its not btw, i just want sleep and sadly wont get it with dh in bed tonight... Wish i could just magic snoring away!

OP posts:

Original poster

issysmilkbottle · 26/02/2010 23:24

the text was as nice as i could put it to try and avoid an arguement...

OP posts:

Treeesa · 26/02/2010 23:34

I just do it when my DH is snoring his head off.. It started happening all the time so I get to sleep in the spare room a few nights now..

I can see the reasoning re the text - just know that in my situation that would cause more grief than him waking to find I'm elsewhere..

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 26/02/2010 23:35

issy - I was on your other thread about this.

What really worries me is all this treading on eggshells - it wouldn't even cross my mind to tell DH I was going into the spare room if he was snoring. What would he have to be cross about?
In a loving, equal, adult relationship there is no being 'had a go at' for doing what you need to in order to get a good night's sleep.

I really hope he will change his behaviour, but I fear he won't.

SloanyPony · 26/02/2010 23:43

To be honest, that kind of loud, big vibrating soft palate type of snoring is unlikely to be sorted by nasal strips. I know the ones you mean - I dont think they will work.

A splint might - but could change his bite and mess with his awake-time.

It's not his fault. He'd be less evil if he tried your strips, but chances are, he'd still snore, and it's not his fault.

thelunar66 · 26/02/2010 23:43

Oooh am itching with irritation on your behalf OP

I have been known to book into the local travelodge for a night of snore free sleep, so your DS's room is small fry!

Why are snorers soooo fucking selfish?!!

Original poster

issysmilkbottle · 26/02/2010 23:47

i know he'd be upset that i'd taken dd out of the room.... He adores her and would think i was taking her away from him.... He's scared of that as he split from dsd mum when she was little and only had her at weekends. He knows in his heart that wont happen with dd but is an anxious bloke.....

OP posts:

wilkos · 26/02/2010 23:47

My dh used to get really cross when challenged on his snoring, but it was unbearable. he would wake me, I would end up kicking him after lying in the dark trying not to lose my rag, then he would have a go as I had woken him up!!! AAAAAAH!

as a result we have slept pretty much seperately since dd was born 2 and a half years ago, which he hates. However he refuses to stop smoking or lose weight, which i think would go a long way to rectifying the problem.

It makes me so angry when snorers take no responsibility for keeping others awake, or then act all hard done by when challenged on it.

If he is a reasonable sort, have a chat with him when you are both calm and relaxed and go from there. and good luck

Original poster

issysmilkbottle · 26/02/2010 23:50

i would really appreciate him trying the strps and even more if he went to gp for help..... I can dream...(when not in bed with him! Lol)

OP posts:

SloanyPony · 27/02/2010 00:03

He should look at lifestyle factors. If he's overweight, drinks too much, smokes, etc.

Failing that, you have a problem. Its not his fault. Being woken many times a night being told to stop doing something you dont know you are doing and dont know how not to do is unpleasant for him, and even worse for you.

Separate rooms aren't a good long term option.

Doctors dont always take things seriously. There is surgery you can have but not everyone wants to and not all doctors see it as a medical problem (unless accompanied by apneoa)

I do feel for you.

EssenceOfJack · 27/02/2010 00:03

We permanently had the spare room made up for exactly this reason, but normally DH would go in there if I told him I was tired and needed sleep.
It is a good idea for you to move into another bedroom but you need to sort with him what you can do when DS is home. And it should involve him moving TBH if you have to stay with the baby.

OTTMummA · 27/02/2010 00:15

my DH snores, as do i, but nothing chronic!
if we go to bed at the same time we don't wake each other up, butif i come to bed later and he's snoring it will keep me up until he turns over ( he only snores when lying on his back )

i think you need to be a bit more gentle with him, but also serious, this type of thing is like a drip drip drip, its torture after a while, he doesn't like being woken up to be told to stop snoring, so why does he think its ok for him to keep you up when its out of your control?!

he needs to go to the doctor, it is his problem thats affecting you and everyone else in the house! - thats not fair, and only he can do something about it.

if he doesn't i would feel hurt that he doesn't care enough about my needs and would ask him to sleep downstairs.

im sure a few rough nights on a lumpy sofa will push him into the GPs office!

thisisyesterday · 27/02/2010 10:57

agree totally with alibabaa. the man is being hideously unreasonable!

he'd be angry, and argue with you over you taking the baby out so that you could both sleep????

he really, really needs to have a good hard look at himself and get his priorities sorted out.
what kind of selfish person expects his wife and small child to have sleepless night after sleepless nght all because he won't get his snoring sorted and won't allow them to leave the room?

that is wrong on so many levels.

if it were my dp he'd be told in no uncertain terms that he needed to visit the GP and get it sorted or we would no longer be sharing a room.

diddl · 27/02/2010 11:04

Well if he´s so anxious he needs to get his blöödy snoring out.

FFS! Where would he think you´d be?

I think it is hilarious & at the same time worrying that you have texted him tbh.

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