To be annoyed with my mother!

[MNingatmidnight]

I was chatting to my dd at my mothers house the other day. We were talking about family, parents etc. I mentioned that some children have two daddies or two mummies and we chatted a bit about it in an age appropriate way. my mother then said that i shouldn't be teaching her things "like that". She's not homophobic as such, just ignorant and narrow minded and it's really annoyed me.

AIBU?

Nope, your mum is being daft! Good on you for being open and informative with your DD.

YANBU. Good on you for taking this approach.

My oldfashioned twat of a BIL was asked by his dd "what does gay mean?" and he replied "happy". She said yes, but it means something else too, deosn't it?" and he said "I don't care what they say at school, you are 8 years old, and to you, it means "happy"."

He told us this story very proud of himself for being so clever.

What a twat. Let's hope my niece isn't gay, otherwise he has just mad her feel very embarrassed and confused about what it means to be gay.

Ironic thing is I'm convinced BIL is in the closet himself.

I have recently realised that I am gay too, although my mother isn't aware of this yet. Puts me off telling her I guess. She has also protested at me using the word lesbian around dd too. . To a 6 yr old it just means a lady who choose another lady as the person she loves, lives with and marries - no big deal. Well I thought not anyway.

Does anyone disagree with me? Would be potentially helpful to hear some other views, might help me understand my mothers views a little more clearly.

MNing - My best friend is gay. Her and her partner have lived together since her DD was 4 (now 8). She will never use "lesbian" around her DD which I've always found a bit odd.

Her reasoning is the fact that other people have negative reactions to the word and therefore she wouldn't want her DD going to school and telling her friends that her mother is a lesbian, or hearing someone else use it in a negative way and then connecting that to her mother IYSWIM?

My DD (7) has a wonderful view of love (currently says that she is going to marry Cheryl Cole ) because she has known my friend for approx 5 yrs and therefore believes that you can be with whoever you happen to love, whatever gender they may be.

The word "lesbian" does have connotations. There is no male equivalent, is there. (Is there?!) I am a lesbian. I am a ...(male equivalent?) A gay? A poof? See, they are all derogatory or sound a bit little britain.

Silly really.

Ah I see. Thanks, that is a perfectly reasonable explanation. In factm thinking about it, some friends of mine hate being called lesbians, where as I am perfectly happy with it, and gay is fine for me too.

My G.P said "lesbian" to me today - which actually made me giggle. Very childish of me i know, but he looked so uncomfortable saying it I just had to laugh!

Sloany - Poof I dislike, gay is the most "equivilant" in the male form, just gay is used for both genders too.

Of course YANBU, and your mum is being a bit silly. But sadly not unusual amongst older people. Are you thinking of coming out to her then? Sounds like she's in for a bit of a shock

Ah well, she'll have to deal with it. I can't not come out to her, we see each other most days and live very close, know all the same people etc. If she has a problem then it's hers, not mine I guess

I'm just happy my daughter won't grow up with the same odd misconceptions as the older generation do.

My sister came out about a year and a half ago, so my DS will grow up with his Uncle X (my BIL) who is married to Auntie XX, and Auntie Y (my sister) who is married (they are engaged at the moment, but I'm assuming they won't want to wait once my sister's girlfriend finishes her PHD) to Auntie YY.

My nan is a bit old-fashioned about it, and sometimes remarks about how it might be 'just a phase' , but things have settled down more now that they've both pointed out that being gay does not equal not having children.

I think it's great for children to grow up knowing that choosing to be with a person of the same gender doesn't make you bad at all.

So, YANBU to get irritated by your mother, though I try to excuse such narrowmindedness by bearing in mind that when she was a young child it probably wasn't something that people taught their children. I ignore my nan, because after all, when she was younger, being gay was actually illegal.

In this case I suppose we have to do our best for our children, giving them a modern, tolerant, age-appropriate answer to whatever they ask.
I do always remind myself, however, that for many of our parents or grandparents, it is akin to asking our generation to accept zoophilia or something! Before anyone attacks me, what I'm trying to say is that my parents (in their early 70's) didn't even hear of homosexuality until they were well into their adult life. They really try not to be prejudiced but I don't think they always find it easy..

For it's size our small town has a very large lesbian community. I've heard it referred to in the press as the Lesbian Capital of Europe - not sure if that's verified .

Ds's best friend has two-mummies. We have known them since play group and our kids are now in KS2 together. DS has grown up with it and the idea doesn't phase him one bit.

It freaks out my IL's however who just physically can't talk to him about it. They choke as though we were talking about something really dirty. I love my IL's but one day their generation will have died out and the lack of acceptance with them.

I think lots of people my parents' generation believe that being gay is something that should only happen after the age of consent. My mum, I'm sure, would feel that a child of 6,10 or 12 should just be told 'keep quiet dear and let's see'. I think it's much better to talk about it early on so they won't question attractions later on.

Mind you ... if my daughter was wanting to marry Cheryl Cole, I'd have to shove her straight back into the closet!