To think that there should be tougher penalties for absent parents who refuse to support their families?

[poshsinglemum]

Just think that it's so convenient to stigmatise single parents when the ones who run off should bear the brunt of the stigma.
Dead beat mums and dads should pay up or face court/a few months in the nick /community service at the least.

I agree. My mum buggered off when I was 4. She has never paid a single penny for me and she still won't acknowledge my existance to this day.

It pisses me off that my (male) friend has to pay his ex £200 a month (which seems very very excessive to me) for their 2 children when there are people who pay nothing, ever.

cold?? You think £200 for 2 kids is excessive
thats £25/week per child, you have children do you really think thats enough to support a child
Apart from the obvious like a house, heating, light, food, the luxuries like a TV, clothes/shoes, school uniform, extra school stuff trips, music etc,xmas and birthdays, the extracurricular activities (I have just shelled out almost a £100 for trampolining fees/uniform/competetion fees for a 8yr old, her one luxury which she loves)!
How on earth could you think £25/week per child very very excessive

Posh FWIW I agree, but how on earth would they enforce it, it is so scarily common!!! My XH doesnt contribute a penny, he maintains I earn too much, though he seems to spend far in excess of £25/week in the pub

Macdoodle His ex is not a single mum. She is married to someone who earns a decent wage, she works and they live with her MIL where they only pay £100 a month rent. So I am thinking that they don't need this much money from her ex, who barely has anything left after he has paid her and all his bills. The flat is lives in is horrible but he can't afford to move at the moment. His ex lives in a nice 4 bedroom house.

Obviously, if she were a single mum then it would be different.

ummm nope sorry you are wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its not her new DP responsibility to support HIS children is it????
Nor her good luck thats she has low rent to pay!
I maintain that £25/week per child is not anywhere close to excessive for the father to pay.
Who pays all the clothes/uniform/school trips/extracurricular etc etc etc!!
This makes me angry TBH, I dont expect my DP to pay for my children (though he happily does because he is a decent bloke unlike my ex)!
Absent parents are too full of excuses IMO!!

Yes poshsinglemum I have always maintained that its the absentee parents thats should be blamed.
I think single parents are an easy target to blame societies problems on.
Coldhands really? 200 pounds for two children too much? Ive only had few hundred off ex but my dp supports me and ds and we are moving to a rent free house didn't realise this allowed ex the right not to pay for his ds.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where you face harsher consequences for non payment of a parking fine than failing to support your children.

I agree - why shouldnt they have to pay - our system stinks

My dad never paid a penny - he was only suppsoed to pay £5.00 per week - not sure how that was going to help but couldnt even manage that

Makes me very angry that they dont pay for their own children - also makes me angry that parents can walk away from their own children and not even bother to see them

The CSA do have the powers to remove driving licences and passports etc but they dont use those powers routinely

The Canadian system sounds good - shame our government dont do more

YA definitely NBU

I think kids should be able to sue absent parents too.

Id love to sue my dad for never paying child maintainance

Agree re Canada, someone should campaign to get our government to follow that model. It's election year, after all.

Cold, do you really think a child who lives with her Granny doesn't deserve support from her Dad? Jesus, the mother can't even afford her own home.

My Dad was a dick and rarely paid the grand sum of £25 a month (OK this was the 80s but even so... and he was a senior manager so if we'd been living with him, he'd have spent a lot more than that to keep us housed, fed, clothed etc. etc.) Meanwhile my stepmother replaced all the perfectly good carpets in their new four bedroom house, and then had one of them replaced again because she decided she didn't like it.

The courts also made a mistake drafting the order so he got out of paying when we were 16, even though we were still at school. Think he gave me £20 when I left for university.

"Just think that it's so convenient to stigmatise single parents when the ones who run off should bear the brunt of the stigma"

Not all absent parents "run off" though, its just that the UK is biased towards mums retaining custody. Therefore when the relationship breaks down its usually the man that leaves regardless as to who was to blame for the breakdown.

BOTH parents should financially support the child they chose to bring into this world in the event of a split. There would be less media stigma towards single parents if more worked rather than them replying on the state.

I do think the CSA system could be revamped, it didnt help my mum when my dad left but they eventually sorted it between themselves. However I think community service is taking things too far, other people dont support their children either but let the state do it so seems very unfair to penalise some parents and not others.

I agree.

Xp is on JSA and has no intention of ever getting another job because then he will have to pay me more

I get £5 a week from his JSA and thats to share between 3 children.

If ever I mention money to him, he tells me to get a job (i am trying).

The CSA system is a pile of crap. (Or was, at least.)

When my parents split, my Dad just ended up giving my mum a cheque every month. He pad £250 a month for the three of us, which left him with not a lot to pay for the massive mortgage on his new house (he had to start from scratch while my mum fairly swiftly remarried). Not to mention every September my mum would send him a bill for hlaf the cost of outfitting us with school uniforms and new stationary. (As in, she would take the cost of a packet of pencils and bill him for half. She was that petty.)

My Dad never begrudged paying to support us, but he did get annoyed at how we never really seemed to see all that much benefit from it. There was my mum redecorating hte living room, while my sister once had to wear a pair of shoes which were about a size too small for half a term because my mum bought them just before the summer hols, so she didn't 'get any wear out of them' . My sister later had ingrown toenails.

It's all very well having a maintenence system, but there is absolutely nothing to stop the parents who do support their children effectively being extorted, or to make sure that the parent in receipt of the money actually directs it to the child. Claiming that it all went on food, water and electricity doesn't cut it when you order a takeaway and send the kids upstairs while you eat it (having given them us chicken nuggets and a few veg for tea).

£200 coldhands, will be a percentage of his wage.......how can you believe it's too much??? His fault if he can't manage the rest of his money....are you suggesting his kids should suffer instead??

Mrsmorgan...... My ex left his job and says the same too. £5 a week between 4 kids!! My eldest loves spending her £1.25 a week and does it in spite of the fool who she despises. She's 16 soon and is rewarding her 'dad' by changing her surname.. .....

Definitely. My sister's ex gets paid in cash and pretends he's unemployed. He actually earns more than my sister, the bastard. He then airily hands her a couple of hundred quid twice a year and expects her to be grateful. She works full time she pays for everything- the mortgage, the bills, the school lunches, the shoes, everything. He claims legal aid so that he can pursue her through the courts to demand more access (when he is incapable of looking after them and leaves them with either his sister (best option) or girlfriend du jour (unknown quantity) while he buggers off to pick up new women. Yup, he's a peach. Actually I think a coffin would be the best place for him.

Cold, £200 a month for two children is nothing! It probably costs that much just to feed them, and they need clothes, transport, heating, electricity, clubs etc on top of that. So their mum is paying for quite a lot actually, probably more than the dad.