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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish my MIL would get off my tits?

33 replies

wrigglerstea · 26/02/2010 15:40

Slightly light hearted as my MIL is a very well meaning woman, if slightly exhuberant.

BUT - I know she lives 300 miles away, I know she has only managed to get here once a month (! in itself) in the 4 months since Wriggler was born, I know she loves her very much, is very excited and wants to look at her all the time. But surely she doesn't need to stroke her cheek, kiss her head and whisper "hello lovely Wriggler, it's your Granny, I love you very much" directly into her ear while she's ACTUALLY feeding.

So yes, unusually, I do mean that I wish my MIL would get off my boobies. She is so pro-BFing and I am so glad for that, and she is so pleased and excited that I actually want to and enjoy BFing, but there is actually something a bit private about it...

OP posts:
PrivetDancer · 26/02/2010 15:44

oh dear. bless her. I'm not sure what you can do really without offending her, but it would make me a bit uncomfortable! Personal space and all that!

AmazingBouncingFerret · 26/02/2010 15:47

Sorry but LMAO didnt think you meant it literally! I think you could try saying that she putting the little one off when she tries to talk to the baby, say that the little one stops sucking or something?

diddl · 26/02/2010 15:49

I think that´s quite sweet tbh.
Unless you´ve gone into another room for peace & she´s followed you!

But I can see it would be wearing if it happens more than once a visit.

My first was in hospital & ILs came to visit.
I was expressing.
Oh we don´t mind said FIL-well, he wasn´t the one being asked.

I was OK bfeeding once baby was home, but didn´t want to be seen "hooked up" like Farmer Giles prize Jersey!

PrettyCandles · 26/02/2010 15:56

Yeah, with you on that one! YANBU at all.

In my case it's my mum who can't bear not to see everything. Mum and I have always been very relaxed around each other nudity-wise, and I wouldn't have minded if she just wanted to watch, but she always wanted, like your MIL, to touch the baby. Even worried that my breast was stifling the baby: when she breastfed us you were told to press gently on your breast to keep it away from the baby's nose, so she was always gently poking my boob - for the baby's sake, of course.

Eventually I took to covering myself when I was feeding. either by draping a muslin, or by letting my shirt hangright down onto the baby. Then, if she went for my shirt, I could tell her not to because doing that disturbed the baby.

When it was about my discomfort, she jut couldn't see it or accpet it, but when it ws about the baby's discomfort, well then she was able to restrain herself.

lindy100 · 26/02/2010 16:21

I go upstairs to feed when people who get too close are around - I would normally feed in front of anyone but choosenot to sometimes.

I use the excuse that dd needs no distraction or she won't feed properly. Which is actually true, now she's a 6-month pro - but this excuse would work for any age.

midnightsbrokentoll · 26/02/2010 16:24

Stop breast feeding, it'll stop MIL annoying you and it's bad for Wriggler anyway.

Blu · 26/02/2010 16:29

aaah, I think it's sweet.

if you really don't llike it you could accidentally unlatch and release a quick jet of bm into her eye?

14hourstillbedtime · 26/02/2010 16:32

Every time I b/f in front of my ILS I get (by very nice and well-meaing FIL):

'Liquid gold, that's what that baby's getting... liquid gold..'

It's very nice of him to be so pro b/f and whathaveyou, but equally... does he need to say it Every. Goddam. Time????

So, yeah, think you are def NOT being unreasonable to want some (literal!) privacy around your tits (again, literarlly ) while you are b/f.

HantsPants · 26/02/2010 16:46

No, you are absolutely not being unreasonable. Agree that this intimate and not for public consumption. Ask her nicely to desist. My MIL did this once when I was feeding DS discreetly under jacket and lifted it to look at him on boob in front of numerous other family members. I was hopping made but didn't have a go as MIL is v difficult subject with DH.

Sounds like she has no insight, so perhaps a kindness to give her some!!

Mishy1234 · 26/02/2010 16:47

Can understand why that makes you feel uncomfortable.

My FIL kissed DS on the head when he was bf once. Thankfully I was still in the hazy babymoon phase, so didn't really react. He hasn't done it since though.

YANBU. I would probably try to go into another room to feed and she might get the message.

BariatricObama · 26/02/2010 16:52

squirt her in the face with the other one

meaniepants · 26/02/2010 17:09

14hourstilbedtime - liquid gold!! That's flippin hilarious!

OP - I know where you're coming from because I get the exact same thing from cafe owners/bus drivers/shop staff....tis a nightmare.

mamsnet · 26/02/2010 17:11

Ah, but you only see her once a month..

Mine gets on my tits all the time!

strawberrie · 26/02/2010 17:27

Ah God, I had this with my MIL too! Like you I knew she meant well, and she was so positive about my DD being breastfed, but she used to like to sit RIGHT UP NEXT to me on the sofa and watch. I found it seriously unnerving but never had the heart to tell her to piss back off

BitOfFun · 26/02/2010 17:29

Liquid gold, LMAO

Mongolia · 26/02/2010 17:30

Gosh, I was not expecting your post t be so literal. I would be annoyed to, whatever her good intentions, whats wrong with having a bit of space/privacy?

BackstreetsOfNaples · 26/02/2010 17:33

Oh come on - you all see yourselves in 25 yrs here....

darksideofthemooncup · 26/02/2010 17:45

My MIL did the same, she actually came into my bedroom when I was breastfeeding dd in bed, leant over me and kissed dd. I was too shocked to say anything. She also sat next to me when I had my first HV visit which made me feel extremely awkward. However she adores my dd and I can excuse her slightly bizarre behaviour as being down to her being all giddy about her first gc.

Coldhands · 26/02/2010 19:44

"squirt her in the face with the other one"

LMAO!!

RedLeaves · 26/02/2010 19:52

Wrigglerstea, that is hilarious. Thanks for putting a smile on my face this morning.

Hope someone else can advise, I'm too busy laughing.

StayFrosty · 26/02/2010 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EssenceOfJack · 26/02/2010 20:10

God MIL was awful for this.
She once followed me around the house while I was trying to find somewhere to express in private. I had to ask her to make me a drink to get rid of her.
She was also with me when the MW took swabs of my CS scar for an infection.
Literally. With me. As in sitting next to me on the sofa holding DD1 while I dropped my kecks for a swab of my pubic region.

And she once, veyr early on, helped me latch DD1 on. By grabbing my boob.

She's nuts though

MrsPixie · 26/02/2010 20:10

"Liquid Gold"

absolutely PMSL

EssenceOfJack · 26/02/2010 20:11

God MIL was awful for this.
She once followed me around the house while I was trying to find somewhere to express in private. I had to ask her to make me a drink to get rid of her.
She was also with me when the MW took swabs of my CS scar for an infection.
Literally. With me. As in sitting next to me on the sofa holding DD1 while I dropped my kecks for a swab of my pubic region.

And she once, veyr early on, helped me latch DD1 on. By grabbing my boob.

She's nuts though

EssenceOfJack · 26/02/2010 20:12
Confused