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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For being over protective of DS?

20 replies

Enchilada81 · 26/02/2010 13:35

In summer, DS (11) is going away on a school trip for 3 days. It's an adventure/activities camp where they do kayaking, high rope, archery etc.

I'm feeling really anxious about DS. It's the first time he's been away with us and I don't know how it will feel knowing he's doing all this stuff without me there to watch/keep an eye on him.

What has worried me more is that despite earlier saying this wouldn't happen, the school has now decided to allow and VERY disruptive child on the trip. This boy hits and kicks people for no reason, runs off (taking away all the adults time as they all go after him leaving the others unsupervised) and won't follow instructions (for instance during swimming lessons they were all warned not to mess around near the deep end ... this lad thought it would be a laugh to push someone in at the deepend.)

I just have visions of him trying to tip people's canoes up or aiming archery arrows at people etc.

A lot of the kids have now said they don't want to go because of this one child.

AIBU to feel a bit like I'm putting DS in danger allowing him to go? Can't really back out now but I'm quite nervous and worried about it.

OP posts:

GrungeBlobPrimpants · 26/02/2010 13:48

Oh please don't worry - it may seem hard when it's the 'first time' but it will be an absolutely fantastic experience. The children really come back feeling independent and confident - its a very, very important developmental milestone.

If it's an activities centre all the staff will be fully trained and the pupils supervised. There will also be the teachers/adults from the school - so there will be far more supervision than on an ordinary school trip iykwim.

With regards to the disruptive child - ask the school/teacher informally how many staff they are taking, and how they could deal with 'disruption' (best not to make it personal but they'll probably konw what you mean). If he starts to misbehave during an activity it may well be that the Centre staff could get him removed anyway.

It will all be fine. Honest.

elmofan · 26/02/2010 13:50

ohh i can see why you are worried tbh , i am very protective of my 11yr old ds too , is there any way you could talk to his teacher & the other organisers of this trip & express your concerns ? also i would be asking why they have changed their mind about allowing this other boy to now go on the trip . hopefully they will be able to put your mind at rest , good luck

ShauntheSheep · 26/02/2010 14:00

TBH I think you are being unreasonable. Firstly you have from now till the sunner to start gettign your child ready for this trip. hte trip will do your son a lot of good as he will become very independent which is what he will need once he starts secondary.

In addition I dont think it shoudl be up to you or any of hte other parents in the class to say whether another child shoudl go on a trip or not. You have no idea what problems this 'very disruptive' child may have and what provisions the school have put in place to deal with this. In addition why do you know that this child wasnt going to be allowed on the trip? Not very professional of the school to let that out is it. Feel very sorry for that poor boy.

tethersend · 26/02/2010 14:27

I can understand your worries.

I teach children (teenagers) with Emotional and Behavioural Difficulties. I have taught many kids like the 'very disruptive boy', and have been on residential trips with them.

You would not believe the transformation which takes place in kids once they are outside of school, particularly on trips such as the one your DS is going on. Outdoor activities almost always include some element of team building, and I think this boy may surprise his classmates. Happy children tend not to hit, kick, run away and push people into water. As a generalisation, trips like this tend to make the children happy- him included.

I have watched friendships being developed and relationships formed whilst abseiling down a rock; children are great. I will always remember one 15yr old boy who was constantly beating up his classmates at school shouting encouragement to the most nervous and bullied girl in the class as she was scared to abseil down. When she made it to the bottom, he ran up and gave her a massive hug. That trip changed both of them for the better, and he was able draw on that memory once back at school, where his behaviour improved dramatically. He also 'looked out for' the girl.

The school will have done a risk assessment for the trip (this is a legal requirement) and will ensure that they have enough staff to cover a worse case scenario; ie, the boy being brought back. If he does anything to the others, he will most likely be escorted home.

I think both your DS and this boy will have a great time- and most of the children may get to see the positive side of this 'very disruptive boy'- who does have a reason for hitting and kicking BTW; you just don't know what it is

Please don't worry; children can surprise you.

shockers · 26/02/2010 14:36

Lovely post tethersend and I completely agree that there is a change in behaviour and a bonding process that happens on school activity trips.

cat64 · 26/02/2010 14:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Jamieandhismagictorch · 26/02/2010 14:59

TBH, by definition, YABU to be "over-protective" of your DS, but I do understand.

DS1 went on Cub Camp for the first time when he was 8, and it was the making of him.

His school does a similar activity holiday in year 6, and by all accounts, nearly all the children have a whale of a time

RE the "disruptive" boy - I agree with tether - schools are incredibly risk-averse, and will have dome a thorough assessment. Hopefully. this child will have a chance to show another side of himself.

Hullygully · 26/02/2010 15:01

I agree with Tether, but not Jamie.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 26/02/2010 15:04

I disagree with Hully

Hullygully · 26/02/2010 15:05

yes, but you're wrong.

tethersend · 26/02/2010 15:18

I agree with Hully and Jamie.

I disagree with tether.

Hullygully · 26/02/2010 15:21

Bran agrees with me.

GibbonInARibbon · 26/02/2010 15:29

In your dreams.

Hullygully · 26/02/2010 15:30

Now don't be coy. You know you ALL agree with me really.

GibbonInARibbon · 26/02/2010 15:35

Tire of it? Never

MmeLindt · 26/02/2010 15:35

I don't agree with anyone who has posted on this thread.

minxofmancunia · 26/02/2010 15:36

YABU, I'm sure the right resources will have been put in place for all the children going. The trip will do wonders for your ds (esp as you are by your own admission "over protective"), will help him gain some independence.

It will also be fantastic for the other boy you mentioned, hopefully go some way to repairing his no doubt very low self-esteem.

deaddei · 26/02/2010 15:39

Agree with MmeLindt (mainly because I like chocolate}
The school would not let him go (the disruptive boy) if they felt the trip would be jeopardised in any way by him going.
You are being a little unreasonable worrying about your son- he will be at secondary school soon. He will have a WONDERFUL time- more so than if you were "keeping an eye on him".
Is he allowed much freedom now?

diddl · 26/02/2010 15:43

I think YABU to be worried about an 11yr old going away & you not being there to watch him.

I can see why the other issue bothers you though.

Lucyellensmumma · 26/02/2010 15:45

I would imagine that if this young lad is as disruptive as you say then he must have some sort of issues that the school are aware of, the fact that they had to decide whether he could go or not means they have considered it. They probably had to decide if they had the resources to ensure that he is not a danger to himself or others. It would be terribly sad if he couldnt go and I am willing to bet that the school have put on extra staff to help out and that was probaby what delayed their decision in the first instance.

Your son is wary of this lad so he will know to keep out of his way.

You'll be worried sick of course, your son will have a wonderful time - please let him go

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