Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To think dp should stop smoking??

42 replies

EasyEggs · 26/02/2010 11:29

Ok so yes I probably am given it's his body his choice etc etc but here's the story...

Dp has always smoked, so wasn't a new thing I didn't know about. I am a social smoker as in if I go out for the night and have a few drinks I'll have a few ciggies too but as we don't ever go out I haven't smoked for ages!

Dp earns the money I am a SAHM. He says it's his only pleasure in life, basically he was young free and single before I met him and I have 2 dc's from previous relationship. So everything he was used to doing like going out whenever he wanted, buying nice things, going fishing for whole weekends, all pretty much went out the window when he moved in and we had 3 dc's together. When he isn't working he is here helping, for which I am very grateful

But we still never seem to have enough money, we both get fed up of him having to do a lot of overtime which results in him being away a lot and me being here with 5 LO's alone. He suggested maybe getting a second job as in a work from home so e could cut OT and be here at least in the evenings.

So we were trying to think of ways to cut back. I suggested he stop smoking as that costs about £30pw. So over £100 a month would be saved.

He said I am trying to bully him into giving up his only pleasure left that he has for himself.

So would it be ok then for me to go buy an expensive handbag each month and just ignoring the bills that need paying.

So AIBU or not???

OP posts:

Original poster

EasyEggs · 26/02/2010 12:33

By saying 2 are at school and one at nusrery I was referring to the fact that I have to be places at specific times ie 8.45, 9.15, 12 and 3.30 which leaves very little time in between to do a job.

OP posts:

olderandwider · 26/02/2010 12:33

Why not send him along to the GP to sign up for a quitting smoking programme? It's free (I think) and it might get him at least exploring the idea of giving up? How did he manage it for 8m when you were pregnant? He's clearly got willpower.

Having said that, I know from own DH's experience smoking is a strong addiction. That's why, to a smoker, carrying on shelling out £100 a month for something undisputedly harmful and having to work extra hours to pay for the privilege seems a better idea than saving the money and giving yourself an easier, healthier life.

Good luck!

SpicedGerkin · 26/02/2010 12:34

But it is fair to expect you DH to give up something he's always done instead?

BettyTurnip · 26/02/2010 12:34

I knew DH was a smoker when we met but it wasn't an issue then - money wasn't an issue then, the possibility of him being disabled or dying prematurely from a stroke wasn't as much of an issue then as we didn't have children. Having children puts a different perspective on things (and I mean that in a pragmatic, non-saccharine way).

Ledodgy · 26/02/2010 12:35

Get him to swap to tobacco if he won't stop. Smoking rollies is much cheaper.

SiriusStar · 26/02/2010 12:39

Bloody Hell! I never really realised how much people actually spend on cigarettes. My mum smoked and I hated the way it made us and the house smell. I kept worrying she was going to die. I know I just don't get it, being a non smoker. From an outsiders view it just seems ridiculous that anyone would spend that much on something that has no true benefits health wise. (Sorry)
The thing is, unless he wants to give up it just won't happen. I tried from about the age of 7 with my mum and she was still smoking when she died aged 52.

slightlystressed · 26/02/2010 12:44

I doubt it would be cost effective to get a job with DCs so young. THe cost of putting them in nursery would be enormous, and then the cost of travelling to work.

Yes the OP did know he smoked when she got with him, I smoked when I got with DP, I gave up to have a family. I dont think its unreasonable to ask for him to give up, but at the end of the day if he doesn't want to give up, he wont, so asking him to cut down is definitely not unreasonable.

Good luck!

Aaahhhh I could really do with a fag......

Sidge · 26/02/2010 12:50

If he's a happy smoker then he isn't going to give up just because you ask him to.

If he knows that he is 50% more likely to get cancer than a non smoker and continues to smoke then that's his call. If he is prepared to risk developing COPD, heart disease and having a stroke then it's up to him. If he fancies becoming impotent or have macular degeneration and lose his sight then tell him to crack on.

But tell him if he does fancy giving up smoking then to see his GP or practice nurse for help and that you will support him every step of the way. Then back off and wait for the message to sink in.

(Oh and stop with the 'social smoking'. It's still smoking so you are being rather hypocritical!)

expatinscotland · 26/02/2010 13:06

'Why not send him along to the GP to sign up for a quitting smoking programme?'

Because he doesn't want to quit.

Get him to switch to rolling baccy and cut down to one fag every 2 hours when he's not at work.

If he works with any E. Europeans who go home he can ask them to get him some baccy.

Floopy21 · 26/02/2010 15:27

Surely it's not about the £, but about the cancer (etc)? when you have children. Echo what BettyT says. Thing is, as a smoker, I also understand what Expat has to say, you have to want to give up. I haven't helped at all have I?!...backs off...

olderandwider · 26/02/2010 15:51

expat - do you think, then, that the OP should get a job so her DP can afford to smoke?

Sidge · 26/02/2010 17:21

Beware of illegal imported cigarettes as a cheaper option - some cigarettes were seized in Portsmouth docks recently that, when analysed, were found to contain traces of human and animal excrement!

expatinscotland · 26/02/2010 18:25

No, I think she should get a job because it sounds like they could use a lot more than £120/month to break even.

I think if you've got 5 kids and know someone was already working to the max then you do what you can to chip in.

Original poster

EasyEggs · 26/02/2010 20:03

I do my bit by providing the 24/7 childcare and looking after the home!

There is more dp could be doing at work, a lot more OT etc but we both would like him to spend time here so we get time together and as a family or he would hardly see the dc's.

So we were trying to think of things to save money and this was one of the least essential things I could think of, well along with sky tv

It isn't about me getting a job.

OP posts:

larks35 · 26/02/2010 20:14

If he doesn't want to give up, it won't happen and he will resent you guilt-tripping him about it. Rolling baccy could save you some cash, even if you can't get it cheap. Could that not be a compromise?

olderandwider · 26/02/2010 20:25

EasyEggs: exactly (eggsactly?).

Expat - I have no idea if £100/£120/month will fix the OP's family finances, but, I still think this thread boils down to: OP will be working, at least partly, to pay for her husband to smoke. Barking...

Gracie123 · 26/02/2010 20:42

I know people complain about foreign ciggies having different substances in them, but none of that stuff is any worse for you than the tar, formaldehyde, ammonia, cyanide, arsenic, and DDT found in normal branded ciggies.

I think it's quite reasonable to ask him to make the switch to help save a bit of money.

There's always the bonus that eventually if he is grossed out by the idea of smoking a bit of poop it might help him quit

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread